Page 48 of A Taste of Christmas Magic

“I was so afraid I’d lose everything, so I broke it off. He didn’t believe me, so I said hateful things. A lot of them to get rid of him. I was so mean. So nasty. I think God has been punishing me because I was so awful. I threw Rustin away because I was heading off to college and thought I’d easily find a more suitable boy.”

“Jessica.” Chloe’s heart broke for Rustin and also for Jessica’s frightened teenage self.

“And Rustin went away, taking my heart and soul with him. He went so far away. For good, I thought.”

Chloe couldn’t speak or even process. Jessica seemed like a different person right now. She’d had a secret life, a secret love. All that self-contained elegance and air of untouchability hid a once wild and passionate heart.

“I was horrible. I lost respect for myself because I’d been cruel, and now that he’s back, I don’t know what to do. When we were in love, he swore it would always only be me,” Jessica said. “And I’ve had other boyfriends, but no one like him. No one who made me feel like he did.”

Chloe thought she was going to throw up. “What are you saying?” she whispered. She felt frozen with dread.

“Rustin was the love of my life, the man I haven’t been able to forget. I think we were soul mates, and I tossed him away because I didn’t want to disgrace myself and disappoint Mama and Daddy.”

Chloe stared in mute misery at the glowing blue numbers on the microwave as they ticked over three minutes. “You still love him?”

“I don’t know,” Jessica replied. “And I don’t know if he’d give me another chance, but what will people think?”

“Who cares what anyone thinks?” Chloe breathed out what felt like fire.

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“Because itiseasy.” Chloe pushed herself to her feet. “If you truly love Rustin, you won’t care what anyone thinks!” Her breath sawed through her lungs. “Love is everything! Nothing else matters!” Her voice gathered passion. “Love is the beginning, middle, and end! And it’s sacred! No one else’s opinions or gossip count in the face of love!”

Jessica looked up at her, eyes swimming in tears.

“I don’t think I have your courage,” Jessica whispered.

Something knitted together in Chloe’s shredded heart. Courage. She did have courage now. She’d always had it; she just hadn’t recognized it. And she’d need every ounce of it because she loved Rustin. She’d always loved him. She didn’t need an ancestral cookbook to tell her that. She loved Rustin and didn’t care who knew. But Rustin should be the first person she told. He should have a true choice, and while Chloe marveled at her audacity to possibly go up against Jessica, she would.

“If you love him,” Chloe said, thinking of Jessica’s cookies and possible love spells, “you should tell him, or you’ll regret it. But know that I, too, will not cede the field and slink away, because I will not live my life hiding my heart and counting up my regrets.”

Chloe walked out of Jessica’s kitchen, closing the door softly behind her.

She paused on the porch, said a little prayer while looking at one winking blue-white star. She sucked in a cold, deep breath. Taking on the Movable Feast for Grandma Millie had been a big step into adulthood, but she’d taken so many smaller ones over the past few years. And now with Rustin she was going to take one more—risk her heart and perhaps risk her relationship with Jessica.

“I love Rustin,” she tasted the words, wondered what his response would be when she told him. Chloe squared her shoulders, stepped off the porch. She’d soon find out.

*

“Now we’re cookingwith gas, Chef,” Lucas called out, probably to irritate him with the trite saying, but it was good to see his brother relax a little, enjoy himself. Lucas liked working the pop-up more than straight kitchen work, and Rustin knew why: more visual exposure, less stress, more chances to switch up tasks, and more freedom to get out and enjoy the event during a break. Plus, Rustin let him make the music mix.

Rustin knew Lucas was more passionate about music and bartending than he ever would be in the kitchen, but he had solid skills. Rustin didn’t want to hold him back, but he was having a hard time letting him go. Teaching his brother marketable skills and a work ethic had been paramount, and he was proud of Lucas and enjoying the international-vibe music mixes he’d made both for The Wild Side and the pop-up. He’d used a chunk of his last paycheck to buy a new mixer and other equipment, and Rustin knew he couldn’t keep his younger brother under his wing forever.

His eyes scanned the crowd looking for Chloe. He hadn’t seen her since Wednesday night, and anticipation lit down his spine.

“Pull it together,” he muttered as the next order came in. In just a few weeks he’d enjoyed Chloe’s funny and happy texts and pictures. She saw the world so differently than he did, and he found himself relaxing in her warmth. Chloe’s lack of communication today didn’t mean anything was wrong.

He knew with the end of the semester, she’d be busy, and he’d had quite a few press and podcast interviews regarding The Wild Side, but still, he’d been a little uneasy that she’d only texted him once to say that she would arrive after she helped with Sean Patrick and Elizabeth Catherine’s open house. Strange that she never called them aunt or uncle or mom and dad. Chloe was a deep river he was only beginning to plumb.

Relief coursed through him when he spotted her petite frame, wrapped in her white puffer jacket that made him think of a s’more. Chloe was angled away from the trailer and partially behind a tree along the small man-made lakefront, where the food trucks were set up for visitors taking in the famous light show.

Almost like she doesn’t want to be seen.

The thought dried his throat.

What. The. Hell.

“Take the counter. Two minutes,” he told Hannah, who was taking orders and handing out the food tonight. Now that he’d spotted her, he noted that she already had the tray of samples and was handing them out, but she’d been sneaky. She hadn’t said hi when she’d arrived to hand out the samples.

---