Page 78 of Untamed

“Colter,” I whimper, my voice barely above a whisper.

He leans in, his lips brushing mine, in a heartbreaking kiss. “I’m not saying this is forever. But for right now, I have to do this.”

I nod, my throat tight, my voice hoarse when I finally manage to speak. “I know. But I’ll wait for you, Colter. No matter how long it takes.”

His jaw tenses, a half-smile curving his lips as he laughs bitterly. “You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for me. I’m really trying not to be selfish right now, and you’re making it so damn hard. All I want to do is pull you into my arms and never let you go.”

“Do it,” I whisper.

His eyes darken, and he exhales raggedly. “I can’t. You know I can’t. I should have never let it get this far. Hell, I should’ve never touched you in the first place.” He bows his head, his pain so tangible on his face, my chest cracks, as this beautiful strong man breaks in front of me.

“I wouldn’t change a thing about us.” I cup his face, forcing his eyes to mine. “And I’m not giving up on us. I love you, Colter Grady. You might not feel the same way, but you deserve to know how I feel.” He shudders at my words, and I continue, “And just for the record. I don’t need all that fancy stuff. I wouldn’t care if you lived in that bunkhouse for the rest of your life and had no money. I would still want you. Every wonderful, complicated, messy,kinkypart of you.” He laughs and a smile tugs at my lips. “You’re amazing. Don’t ever forget that.”

He stares at me, his green eyes turning glassy, and he swallows hard. It kills me that he thinks so little of himself, but I understand it. It must be hard for a man like him to go from being on the top of the world, to losing everything.

“You don’t know me, Mila. Not the dark parts,” he chokes out and I know he really believes that.

I place my hand on his heart, feeling its steady beat beneath my palm. “I know you in here. And that’s all that matters. You’re a good man, Colter. I just wish you could see it.”

Colter stands, sinking onto the sofa next to me and pulling me into his lap. His strong arms wrap around me, like he’s afraid to let go. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, his breath warm as he presses gentle kisses against my skin. We haven’t solved anything. Nothing has changed. But for now, this is enough. To hold each other. To be together. And I meant what I said. I won’t give up on us. Because deep in my heart, I know we belong together.

Colter tightens his hold on me, and I melt into him, seeking the comfort only he can give. But reality looms over us like adark cloud. Soon he’ll be gone, and after everything he’s said, I have no idea where it leaves us.

He told me he wants me, but I know the type of women that’ll surround him on the circuit. I told him I love him, but he never said it back. Still, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel something. But are those feelings enough to keep him from temptation?

Emotion tightens my throat, but I push the thoughts from my mind, not wanting to spoil our limited time together.

Because right now, in this moment, Colter is mine.

Even if after tonight it ends.

Chapter Forty-Eight

COLTER

As I pack the rest of my belongings into the rig, my thoughts go to Mila. Tomorrow we’ll part ways and after last night’s heavy conversation, the weight of it lingers, making me more anxious with each passing second. My chest tightens, a dull ache spreading through me at the thought of not seeing her beautiful face every day.

After Mila rode me, and I saw the love shining in her eyes, I knew I had no choice. I had to end to things. Until that moment, I was willing to give things a try, no matter how impossible our situation but something held me back. Mila loved me, it was written clear as day on her face, before she even said those words. And though I didn’t say them back, deep down I knew the truth. I loved her, too.

A selfish part of me wanted to pull her into my darkness and make her mine, despite the consequences. But I couldn’t be selfish anymore. I wasn’t lying when I told her she deserved better than what I could offer her. Mila deserves the world. And right now, I’m not the man to give it to her.

I’ve spent most of my life drifting, never making real connections. I never imagined I could feel this way about a woman. Sure, there was Annabeth, but after knowing Mila, Irealize what I had with my ex was nothing more than a surface level relationship. It was chaos, drugs, sex, liquor, lust and most of all unhealthy. The connection I have with Mila—the intimacy, the trust—makes everything we had together feel deeper, more real. And if I died tomorrow, I’d die knowing that my little ray of sunshine gave me something I thought I’d never experience. Real love.

“All set?” A deep masculine voice pulls me from my thoughts. I glance over my shoulder, to find Leroy leaning against the trailer, gaze fixed on me.

Nodding, I grunt my reply. “Yeah, just about.”

“How about we grab a beer?”

I fold my arms across my chest, chewing my toothpick, as I narrow my eyes at Leroy. He seems off tonight, and I should probably go have that beer, see what’s going on with him, but it’s my last night. And despite everything that was said, I’m hoping Mila will meet me in the loft.

“Can’t. I already have plans,” I tell him, stepping off the trailer and heading toward the bunkhouse to get cleaned up, only for his next words stop me in my tracks.

“No doubt you do, Colter. But like I said, it’s a bad idea. You’re so close to getting everything you’ve worked for, don’t go fucking it up now.”

I turn to face him, irritation flooding me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He sighs, running a hand down his face, looking more tired and weary than usual. He scans our surrounds before dropping his voice to a whisper. “There’s been some talk. Garrett and Brandon aren’t exactly keeping their suspicions quiet. The boss caught wind of it. Heard he’ll be keeping a close eye on things tonight, see if there is any truth to what they’re saying.”

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