Page 8 of The Game Is Afoot

“Don’t worry. I’m not trying to sell you a bunch of overpriced crap that’ll just sit in a pile for months and clutter up your house.”

I feel my whole body unclench. It’s fine. I’m safe. She’s just a nice fellow mom worried about my well-being, trying to be my friend.

“It’s really more of a lifestyle.”

Oh no.

“Me and my team of self-care specialists help our clients develop their own custom self-care rituals through my variety of digital products and in-person self-care seminars. Is that something you’d be interested in? I’d love to share my newest course with you. It’s called The Care and Keeping of U—and it’s totally free! No obligation! I think you’d really get a lot from it.”

Oh no, oh no,oh no!

I almost fell for it! But this lady isn’t trying to be my friend. This was all an MLM pitch. And I walked right into it, like a mouse strolling into a trap, grateful the humans put out a little charcuterie board for them. God, my judgment is seriously out of whack. First a kidnapper, then a girlboss.

“The Care and Keeping of You…isn’t that the American Girl book about puberty?”

I’m not sure why that’s the first thing out of my mouth instead of a definitive “hell no.” Must be the nice, accommodatingBlack person programming from this morning still hanging around.

“That’syou. LikeY-O-U. This isU. Just the letter.”

She blinks at me as she smiles brightly, as if that was my only hurdle.

“Um, thanks for the offer, but I’m not really interested in pyramid schemes.” I start moving my hands at double time, burns be damned, because I gotta get out of here now.

“Oh, girl, it’s not one of those! Those are illegal! And anyway, my compensation plan isn’t even shaped like a pyramid. It’s more of a—a…well, I’m not a geometrist!” She laughs, batting at the air.

“Well, whatever shape it is—”

“I wouldn’t even say it was a shape! It’s more of a…tree.” I blink at her, and she takes advantage of the silence to keep going. “And you don’t have to worry—this is nothing like those other MLMs. I know exactly what you’re thinking of. But we arenotabout the hustle.” She holds up her hands in a cross in front of her, like she’s warding off a demon. “Balanced With Bethany is about the rest.”

BalancedWith Bethany? Is this your idea of a joke, universe? Because I don’t care what I said I wanted, I need this gift removed from my lap instantly. I am perfectly content being a rag!

“Let’s get you in for a personalized self-care consultation and then we’ll just see what happens from there,” Bethany coos, like this is already a done deal. “I’m in talks to develop a Balanced With Bethany supplement line that will be exclusive to self-care consultants and their clients, so it’s really the best time to get in on the ground floor.”

I keep my head down, speedily affixing another badge like I’m on some badge-ironing game show. “Yeah, I don’t—”

“I know it’s scary to take that first step, but that’s why you just have to leap. And like you said, you’re ready for a change in your career.”

Why the hell did I tell her that?

“You can start your own business on your own terms.”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’syourbusiness, lady, because you’re the one on the top of the pyramid—excuse me,tree.

“My self-care consultants see growth almost immediately, especially when they bring in their own self-care consultants downstream from them.”

“Down…line?” My stack of badges is almost done.

“No, downstream! I think that imagery better reflects the way we reallyflowinto each other at Balanced With Bethany. And you know, Mavis, you can really open up a whole new market for us because you bring in a demographic we haven’t reached yet.”

I put the iron down. “Oh yeah? What do you mean by that?”

I think I know what she means by that.

“Well, I mean…” She smiles, tucking a short strand behind her ear. “Madam C. J. Walker started the first MLM.”

My eyebrow nearly reaches my hairline. “Now, who brought her into it?” I shake my head. “No, actually, never mind. I don’t need to hear any more of…that.” I hold up the stack of finished (or at least, close enough to finished) vests. “I’m gonna pass these back out to the girls.”

“Listen, I’m not trying to be pushy.” I can tell by the slightly manic edge to her smile that she knows this is her last shot. “I just really feel like it’s my duty in this life, mycalling, to help others when I see they’re in need. When they’re stuck in that pattern of victimhood.” She looks to the door where Claudia left, and I see the beginning of our conversation in a whole new light. This hasallbeen a pitch.

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