Page 40 of The Game Is Afoot

That makes me shoot up, and Polly narrows her sleepy eyes at me in disapproval.

“No! Why would you think that?”

I mean, he might be leaving us again. And I’m sad I’m going to have to figure out how to explain that to Pearl. And I’m pissed that he’s even put me in this position, that he can’t even have an adult conversation with me about it. But, like, what about me lying facedown on the floor gives that away?

“I feel like I’m getting flashbacks to high school. You used to do the same thing whenever the two of you had a fight.” Dad laughs and runs his hand over his mostly gray hair. “You remember that one time he missed your birthday because of a show in Sacramento? You spent most of that weekend right there.”

I was turning sixteen and only wanted to celebrate with him, but his band got invited to open for another band at a club/pizza restaurant six hours away, and he said he couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I guess it’s a good reminder that it’s always been this way with Corey and his music, so why am I expecting anything to change? What’s the saying? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me 2,076 times…wow, what a fucking idiot.

“Corey and I are fine. I just attempted to exercise.”

“Ohhhhh! Well, that explains it.” Dad’s walking away to his room before I can even decide if I should be offended. “You should stretch next time.”

“I did stretch!” I call after him, but he just laughs in response.

As I lie back down on the cool floor, I can feel my body tense, thinking about Corey and the argument I know is coming, but I try to push it out of my mind. I’ll deal with that…later. When I’m not already achy and exhausted (because okay, yeah, I didn’t stretch) and I have the energy to think up the exact-rightcombination of words to cut through to the bone, to hurt him the way this is going to hurt me and Pearl.

But almost as soon as I lock away his stupid one-dimpled smile, it’s replaced with the image of Cole’s head hitting the field and the sounds that filled my brain before the panic swallowed up all of my senses—the heavy thud of his body, the gasps of the crowd. And my heart starts to race just like it did that day, which feels even worse than my anger at Corey.

Take deep breaths, I remind myself. In through my nose, out through my mouth, like Jack taught me.

And it helps…but barely. God, am I just going to be like this forever? Polly sighs loudly in my ear, as if to say,Girl, I don’t know.

I felt so good yesterday when I was starting to investigate this, forming my theories. It made me feel better than meditating did, that’s for sure. Maybe that’s because getting some closure here would help? Finding out who did this, I mean, and understanding the why behind this traumatic thing that I witnessed. If I knewthatfor sure, maybe then my body and brain could move on. Maybe that would help with everything I’m still carrying about Corinne, too, because it wouldn’t be someone I know and trust this time.

And there is also therapy. I know,I know.Jack is sure that’s the answer for this panic, the trauma in my body, but also it’s my choice. I’m my boss now. I get to control my time and decide what’s best for me. So maybe solving this mystery is what I choose? And that would be way more ideal than therapy because solving a mystery doesn’t require health insurance and now mine will be ending soon…

Fuck, I need to read that email about COBRA and make sure we’re still in network for Pearl’s pediatrician and I can’t believe I was so irresponsible to even put us in this situation andI wouldn’t have to worry like this ifCorey—no.No.Not right now. Right now: suspects.

Yes, breathe in suspects, breathe out all thoughts of my ex-husband, my job, and my place in the world.

So, suspects.

There’s still Dom. He cares enough about his adult recreational capture the flag league to destroy Cole’s reputation and business…but enough to murder him? I’m still not convinced. He seemed to be doing this by the book. Except when he drove his mower through the children’s soccer games…

And then there’s Hank, though I still think offing Cole would be a big leap to take just because Cole didn’t think Axel was a soccer star. It’s more likely Hank would try to get him fired. But I should look into him more. If these past few months have taught me anything, it’s that people do crazy things for their kids.

And Trisha…no, wait. I crossed Trisha off.

So that just leaves Bethany. There is something there. I’m convinced of it.

She didn’t want me to know that she had a relationship with Cole. And she may have left on purpose when she saw him on Saturday. Was she avoiding him? Or did she just not want to be at the scene of the crime when shit went down? He also runs this boot camp for her program, and then there’s the supplement business Mackenzie mentioned. How financially entangled are they? And how much money are we talking here? Those gummy vitamins that Kardashian sells cost more than I spend on an entire outfit—were Bethany and Cole on the cusp of raking in some big bucks? Did Bethany want to get rid of him so she’d have a bigger share?

I do a quick scan of my body. My breathing has slowed. Myheart has stopped trying to burst out of my chest. I feel…better. Yes, better.

But I also feel…powerless. I feel like anuisance.

Detective De La Rosa couldn’t get off the phone with me fast enough, and what progress can I make if they’re not on my side?

I need to get some more evidence. Something he can’t just brush off. I need to show him how useful, how indispensable, I can be.

But I check my phone—it’s almost time for pickup. Man, I really have been lying here for a while…There’s nothing I can realistically do about any of this now, and I know my mind is going to go right back to where it was before.

Except. There isanothermystery. And it’s an easy one—I can probably wrap it up this afternoon. It’ll be like when you add “fold the towels” to your to-do list, even though you’re already on the last washcloth, just so you can check it off. Instant gratification. A little dose of protection from existential dread.

And, even better for my self-esteem, which is currently languishing in the gutter, it’ll get me some Cool Mom points with Pearl, too.

—

---