Page 48 of Reggie and Delilah's Year of Falling

I hadn’t thought about how these comics connected me and my dad in a while. I wonder if he even remembers that, of all people,hehanded me my nerdy gateway drug. It seems so far away... especially now that our most common interactions are him trying to get me to do anything else.

“That makes total sense,” Delilah says. “And now you create stories of your own.”

I look down, trying to temper the huge smile taking up my cheeks. “Well, I don’t know about that.”

“You do!” She pushes my shoulder. It could be a total, playful friend move, but also it could be something else. “And, hey, what was Yobani saying earlier, when we were outside? About taking a risk?”

My stomach dips in dread. This is the last thing I want to talk about, and I internally wish a million paper cuts on Yobani today for bringing it up in front of her.

“It’s no big deal,” I say, not looking her in the eye. “There’s this show,Role With It.It’s kind of popular in the tabletop scene, like apodcast and YouTube thing. And the host reads my essays, I guess, and invited me on to play.”

“What!” Delilah shouts. She does this little happy bounce with her eyes all lit up. It’s the cutest thing ever. “That’s so cool! When can I listen?”

“Well, I don’t think I’m going to actually do it...”

Her eyebrows pinch together. “Why not?”

“I don’t know, it’s just like... it’s hard enough being ananonymousBlack person in this space, right? Half the people don’t want me here—more than half. Once they know my real name, what I look like, it’s going to take their trolling to a whole ’nother level. They’re going to come for me so much harder! And the people that do like what I have to say, they expect me to be perfect, to speak for all Black people that like D&D. So what’s going to happen if I mess up and don’t speak for us all perfectly? It’s just... a lot.”

I’m being honest. More honest than I’ve been with anyone, even my friends. But as I’m talking, I see the side of her mouth start to tilt downward, that subtle slip into a frown. This isn’t what she wants or what she’s come to expect from me. I let myself slip.

Delilah

What Reggie is saying, I totally get it. Because that’s how I feel right now when I start thinking about making my own songs or even calling myself a musician. It’s so scary to navigate it all, which is why it’s felt safer to defer to and hang behind the guys. I always have my excuse that this is just for fun, a long and drawn-out favor I’m doing for my friends. I don’t have to actually put my full self on display.

But Reggie isn’t like me. He does what he wants, likes what he likes. And I guess it gave me hope, you know? Like maybe I deserved to do that too. Ifhe’sscared, though...

“That was my first instinct,” he says, flashing me a big grin. “But I mean, I had to push past the fear, right? I can’t let what other people might think stop me from doing something that I’d really enjoy, so I told Darren—that’s the guy who runs the whole thing—that I’m in. It’s probably going to take a while to get going with all of it, but it’s happening. I just, like, haven’t had a chance to tell Yobani yet.”

“Oh wow. Okay!” I laugh, relieved. He’s exactly who I thought he was.

So I decide to take a risk of my own.

“You know, you really are incredible.”

His eyes go wide, almost like he’s seen something scary, but then he smiles and pushes up his glasses at the bridge, the embodiment of “Aww, shucks.” It’s the cutest thing ever.

“Well, thank you, Delilah,” he says. “I think you’re pretty incredible, too.”

I think I’m making an “Aww, shucks” face of my own now.

“So what should I read here?” I ask, and reach up to grab a book with a Black guy in red latex and a green cape. Reggie’s reaching up at the same time, and my callused fingers brush against the smooth brown skin on the back of his hand. It makes my whole body feel electric, like I just stuck my finger in a socket. But in a good way. And I find myself lingering longer than I need to. I think how it might feel to flip his soft hand over and rub my fingers across his palm. But then I pull back, remembering myself, remembering we’re just friends. He’s made that so clear.

Except he’s not looking at me the way a friend would.

Also, I’m pretty sure he was smelling my hair when we walked into the store earlier.

My phone beeps, interrupting... whatever this moment is. And then it beeps twice more, one after the other. I look at the screen and see Charlie’s name, and I don’t want to answer it. I want to stand here and breathe in the smell of comic books and Reggie’s laundry-detergent-and-cocoa-butter scent (because okay, I was smelling him too). I want to brush my fingers against his again andtry to figure out if he’s doing it on purpose. But then Charlie texts again. And again.

Delilah omg you gotta get over here!!!!!!!

We are blowing up

A tiktok of you performing is EVERYWHERE

Like everywhere

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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