Page 80 of Reggie and Delilah's Year of Falling

He takes his eyes of the road, a swift moment of consideration. “So you’re doing this?”

“I’m doing this.”

NoAre you sure, noMaybe you should wait until tomorrow. With so few words, he gets me. He trusts me.

And I want to start trusting myself that much, too.

We pull up to Asher’s midcentury modern house by the park about twenty minutes later. It’s pretty small and has always looked kind of soulless to me, but I know it was designed by some fancy, important architect. Archer’s mom made sure to tell me the first time I came over.

The minivan and Charlie’s Volvo are out front, so I know they’re back from SLO and that at least Charlie is still hanging around. I didn’t really think this plan through, outside of justright now, so I’m glad they’re together. It’ll make this easier. They’re probably all sitting around talking shit about me anyway.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Reggie asks as he cuts the car off.

“No. I’ve got this.”

I walk down the familiar path to the garage, and even before I open the side door, I can hear their voices, playful and loud. But when I walk in, a hush falls over them. From the couch, Charlie crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes. Beau’s looking at me with concern, clearly holding back a lot of questions, but Asher looks everywhere else except at me.

“So, you’re totally fine,” Charlie says, looking me up and down exaggeratedly. “No broken bones, not even a scratch... I don’t see any signs of an emergency.”

He has a sarcastic smile on his face, so he can quickly claim he’s just playing. But then he cocks his head to the side and shakes it, like he’s called me in for an audience with him. Like he’s sitting there in judgment of me.

And all of a sudden I’m mad. Ears roaring, chest burning mad.Usually I would stamp it down, make it smaller, but I let it build. I let it fuel me, push me over the line so I can do what I want to do.

“I don’t want to be in Fun Gi anymore.”

“WHAT!” Asher yells, stumbling forward and knocking into his amp.

“Delilah, let’s wait and—” Beau starts calmly, but Charlie cuts him off.

“C’mon, you don’t mean that.” He stands up with his hands out toward me, like he’s trying not to spook something wild. “Don’t do something you’re going to regret just because you’re emotional right now. We’ll forgive you. We’re just giving you a hard time. Be rational here, kid.”

Kid. I used to bask in that nickname. It made me feel closer to them, tohim, like I was a part of something special. Now it’s like a match to the gasoline of my anger.

Charlie steps closer to put his arm around me, to placate me with his touch like I was so eager to accept before. But I step back, knocking his hand away from my shoulder.

“I am being rational. And I don’t need your forgiveness,” I say, each word a lick of flame.

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Charlie says, chuckling to himself. “You did, like, completely fuck us over by not showing up. It made us look really uncool in front of the festival people, and I’m not sure if you understand this, but it was already a big deal that we got that invite in the first place.”

“Charlie, I’m sure she had a good reason,” Beau says, clapping his shoulder.

“I mean, did she though?” Asher shakes his head. “If she’s just bailing on us now.”

“I know it’s a big deal. And I know a big reason we got that invite is me.”

Charlie throws his head back in a big laugh. “Are you joking?”

“It’s true,” I say, even though my body and my brain are throwing up alarm bells, alerting me that it’s time to smooth this over, to run away. “You guys had been doing this for a while before me. And things only started changing, people only started paying attention, once I joined Fun Gi.”

Asher snorts. “Um, hello, ego.”

“And I know part of that is the novelty,” I continue. “I know it’s because there are no other bands on the scene with lead singers that look like me. AndI know,I promise I do,that making music is teamwork. We’re all working together to create what’s getting people’s attention now. It’s notjustme, it’s all of us... collaborating.”

“This is so—” Charlie starts, but I hold my hand up.

“Let me finish.” He rolls his eyes, that infuriating smile still on his lips.

“Except, you couldn’t even give me an equal part in this band. You had to diminish me and make me feel smaller than you, Charlie, even though I had just as much to bring to our music. And it wasn’t only him.” I turn to look at Asher and Beau. “You two didn’t stand up for me either. I thought you were my friends.”

---