Page 53 of Reggie and Delilah's Year of Falling

“Speaking of love,” Leela says, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “Reggie is texting me right now. Because he looooooooves you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” I laugh nervously, trying to play it cool. But I have to fight every urge to reach across the table and grab her phone so I can see the texts for myself.

“Um... what did he say?”

Georgia throws her head back and cackles, flinging some green salsa off her chip.

“He’s asking how your show went.” Leela smiles. “And telling me for like the hundredth time how sorry he is he had to miss it.”

He’s probably texted me the same at least a hundred more times. He really wanted to be here—and I wanted him to be too, especially after all the unanswered questions I was left with on Free Comic Book Day. He was out of town this weekend, visiting family in Florida, though.

But I thinkhow muchhe’s texted me apologies for missing just one show—and the fact that he’s texting his friend about it,too—gives me some of the answers to my questions. You don’t do that for someone you want to be just friends with.

Leela puts her phone down on the table and claps her hands. “Okay, so can we get into it then? Do you looooove him too? When is this finally going to happen already?”

Ryan lets out an exasperated sigh. “Lee, chill. We are legitfailingthe Bechdel test right now.”

“I don’t even care. I love Reggie and I love Delilah and I love the two of them together. So I need answers or I’m probably going to explode. Do you want that on your hands?”

“Oh no! Definitely not!” Ryan says with a sarcastic smirk. Leela’s eyes narrow at her in mock outrage, and then Ryan goes all heart-eyes back and kisses her on the cheek.

Ryan looks back at me. “Please, Delilah, save my girlfriend’s life.”

I’m not sure how much I want to give away. I like Reggie. As much as I’ve protested to everyone else, I can’t deny that to myself. But do I want to tell one of his closest friends that? When she inevitably relays the message, will that freak him out?

“We’re friends...” I start. “And I don’t know, I—” I pause, trying to pick the exact right words, so it’s clear how I feel. But so there’s also plausible deniability, too. I don’t want to come on too strong.

Before I can keep going, though, Georgia chimes in. “Well, me and Delilah have a no-dating pact.”

“A pact?” Leela leans in. “Oooh, tell me more! And I promise to keep this all between us.”

“I’m pretty sure I refused to call it a pact,” I say, rolling my eyes at Georgia, and she rolls them right back. “Plus, didn’t Ben drop you off the other day?”

“That wasn’t Ben. That was Rodney.”

“Who’sRodney?”

She waves that away, and her playful grin turns more serious. “For real though, D—I just want to say how proud of you I am for putting yourself first lately instead of getting distracted by a boy right now. I’ll be honest, I didn’t believe you when you said you were going to focus on falling in love with yourself after Charlie. I thought for sure you were going to jump into a thing with Reggie, but you didn’t. And, like, look at you now!! It’s so badass.”

Any hints I was considering sending Leela’s way totally evaporate. Because what can I even say after that? I feel like I’ve won a prize, hearing that my little sister sees me this way. But I also feel sick because I don’t deserve it, not really. If it were up to me, I probably would have jumped into this thing with Reggie already. In the meantime, I’ve been using up a ridiculous amount of my brain space analyzing his feelings to figure out if it’s a sure thing.

And do I really love myself like she thinks I do if I can’t even trust my own feelings without checking with my friends? When the smallest comment from an audience member can send me spinning?

“I want to be like you,” she continues. “All rah-rah, I am woman, hear me roar!” Leela and Ryan giggle. “And I mean, I really could use some pointers. Because okay, Ididstart seeing Ben again. I mean, he kisses the ground I walk on, as he should. But Ithink it’s really starting to distract me fromThe Sound of Music. And with opening night so close...”

Georgia goes on talking about her Ben predicament (we’re definitely scoring an F minus on the Bechdel test), but I zone out, trying to decipher all these conflicting feelings racing through my mind. I want to be with Reggie. I do. But is that going to keep me from being who I want to be—who my sister thinks I already am? If it came down to it and I had to choose: Who would win?

I don’t like that this question isn’t an easy one.

Juneteenth

Reggie

“And as issues like this continue to persist unchecked, it’s no wonder that more and more BIPOC players turn to indie RPG offerings where they don’t have to wonder if they’re wanted—”

A knock at the door interrupts my train of thought, and I know right away it’s my dad. My mom always sticks her head in uninvited when she’s checking on me (which is way too often), and Eric has no interest in entering my room.

I pull an AirPod out of my ear. “Uh, yeah?”

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