Page 41 of Reggie and Delilah's Year of Falling

I know they’re trying to help, but this is just making me feel so much worse. Like I’m this delicate flower that has to be protected from what’s so clearly going on here.

This all scared him.Iscared him. I was looking for signs that he maybe liked me too, but I ended up willfully, stupidly misreading everything—just like I did with Charlie. I was searching for something that wasn’t there, and this was his clear message that I should slow down, back off.

I’m mortified. And it’s even worse because it’s in front of an audience.

“No worries.” I wave them off, trying to come across way more chill than I feel. “I’ll see Reggie around.”

“Are you sure?” Leela asks with her eyebrows pressed together in concern. I hate it.

“Totally sure!” I stretch my face into a big fake smile. “Thank you again for the lesson, Ryan. That was just... everything. And I know you said I didn’t have to pay you, but I—”

She cuts me off. “It was my pleasure, Delilah. Really.” She picks up a guitar case from behind her chair and gingerly places Mabel inside. “Don’t forget your girl.”

“I—I can’t...” I start, but she pushes the case in my hands.

“Uh, of course you can! I’m assigning you at least thirty minutes a day of practice until our lesson next Saturday. Plus, I’m pretty sure you two are bonded now.”

“You’re going to keep teaching me?” We hadn’t discussed anything more than today, and I guess I just assumed this would be it.

“Damn right I am!” she calls out, beaming at me. “We’ve got amission: punk rock that makes you cry.”

“Punk rock that makes you cry,” I repeat, returning her smile, a real one this time.

As I’m walking down the street to the bus stop, holding the heavy case and a small practice amp in my hands, the disappointment and embarrassment over Reggie creeps back in, but I push it away. Before he showed me exactly where we stand, today was pure exhilaration and joy. I played guitar for the first time. I got to peel back the layers with Ryan, be myself. I got Mabel!

Yeah, Reggie boosted my confidence and connected me with Ryan and led to all that happening. But it was as a friend. I can be just friends with him. Well... I don’t have any other choice.

And I don’t need to be jumping into anything with him anyway, not right now. I don’t need distractions. I need to fall in love with myself, like I told Georgia. I need to focus on becoming this girl I want to be instead of chasing some guy who doesn’t want anything more than sporadic texts and random meetings.

Reggie

I wait as long as Yobani tells me to—and then a little longer because we decide to respond to Darren Lumb’s comment and it takes some time to get it just right.

But as soon as I press enter, all terrified, and send that out into the universe (Thanks, man! I’m a big fan.), I hop into Bessie and speed over to Ryan’s. I can’t find parking on her block, so I end up around the corner. And once I finally get Bessie locked—of course she decides to be extra difficult today—I sprint down to Ryan’s house and through the side gate. I’m huffing when I get to her garage and—shit!—very sweaty. That’s a sure way to scare Delilah off. So, I stand there an extra minute and fan my pits, try to construct a sweat dam with my mind, do a quick sniff check. And then I open the door.

“Hey, sorry I’m la—”

My face falls.

Because unless they’ve decided to play a game of hide-and-seekor whatever, Delilah is not here. It’s just Ryan and Leela, and Leela lookspissed.

“Where’s Delilah?” I ask, but then Leela narrows her eyes even more, locked on me like they’re about to shoot lasers, and I know that was the wrong thing to say.

“She left, you asshole!” Leela spits out, crossing her arms. “A little while? A little while?!” Her voice gets alarmingly loud. “What could you have possibly been busy with? I know you keep Saturdays free so you can emotionally prepare for our sessions!”

And that’s true, but when she says it like that—

“She was so excited to see you, and you should have seen her face when you didn’t show!” She lets out a garbled yell, and Ryan’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. This is probably the most un-chill Leela has been in her entire life. “Fuck! I love you, Reggie, but I’m so mad at you! That wasn’t cool.”

“She was excited to see me?” I ask, quietly, and apparently that was also the wrong thing to say, because Leela throws her hands up and gives me a death stare.

“What happened?” Ryan asks, with considerably more chill, but I can tell she’s not happy with me either.

“I was with Yobani and Greg and—well, Yobani told me... he thought...” I shake my head, run my hands over my face, because as I try to get the words out, I realize how completely stupid I’ve been. Finally I mumble, “Yobani told me to make her wait awhile so she would think I have a life.”

Leela leans forward with wide eyes like she’s waiting for the punch line to a joke, but when it’s clear it’s not coming, she yellsout, “Are you kidding me?!” She pops off the couch, shaking her head. “You listened to Yobani? Yobani?! Yobani hasn’t been on a date since the eighth-grade formal. And I’m still not convinced that wasn’t his third cousin doing him a favor.”

I exhale and fight the urge to slap myself upside the head. She’s so right. What was I thinking?

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