Page 7 of One True Loves

“Lenore—”

I turn around and leave before he can finish that thought. Tessa follows after me. “Come on, we’re leaving,” she says to Sam, Theo, and Lavon when we reach the table.

“Lenore, I’m so sorry,” Theo says.

“It’s fine,” I say. “It’s nothing.” And it really was nothing, apparently. Jay doesn’t chase after me. “And hey, you need to take your pictures on the way out.”

“Are you... are you sure?” he asks. I know he wasn’t going to push it, but I also saw him pining for those cheesy photos on the way in. He shouldn’t miss out just because his best friend is a disaster. Because I’m doomed to only attract fuckboys and assholes, because my judgment is a complete joke.

“Lenore, we really don’t need to do that,” Tessa cuts in. “We’re going to get you a Double-Double, two orders of fries, and a Neapolitan shake, and we’re going to listen to SZA really loud and then we’re going to, like, scream into the ocean.”

“No, I want Theo to get his pictures,” I say, trying to control the croak of my voice. I rub under my eyes again. “You and Sam too, Tessa. I’ll hold your purse.”

“We can’t do that...” Sam starts.

“Really, I insist, you guys,” I say. “Don’t—” My voice catches. I try again. “Don’t change your plans because of this.It’s only going to make me feel worse. I can’t let him ruin everyone’s night... I can’t let him affect me at all.”

“Oh-kay,” Theo says slowly. “But can we just take one of all of us? That’s what I would like to remember... all of us together.” He squeezes Lavon’s hand, but then comes and gives me a hug, wiping something off my cheek. “I love you, Lenore. He didn’t deserve you.”

I take a deep breath and find the Lenore who’s always there, the one they’re used to. Cool, calm, confident. “No one does. Now let’s go take some photos that we can look at when we’re old and crusty, so we can remember how beautiful we were at this very moment.”

So, that’s how I end up with pictures of me in a pink boa, with smudged mascara and the fakest smile there ever was. My two best friends, their one true loves, and me.

Alone.

Chapter Three

If this were a Marvel movie, this would be my villain origin story. I would devote the rest of my life to rooting out fuckboys, exposing their crimes against womankind, and then like murdering them or whatever, until some guy in spandex knocks a building on me.

But it’s not.

So, instead, I move on with my normal, non-murder-y life.

And my friends make it easy. Theo and Lavon take me out for French toast at Starling Diner the next morning, and Tessa calls me five times just to check in. I even talk about my feelings during the last call, against my better judgment. But by Monday morning, I’m back to the Lenore they expect. The one they need. Tough, resilient, funny as hell, perfect eyeliner. “I don’t care,” I insist when Tessa tries to wrap me in her arms and escort me to class like I’m some trauma victim. Because I don’t care! Really.

And I shouldn’t have even been surprised anyway. What Jay did... or I guess, what he had been doing... since October...

Well, it’s not like it’s an outlying incident. It’s evidence that confirms my view of love, which is that it’s not going to happen for me.

Jay isn’t the first to decide he’d rather be with someone other than me. And he won’t be the last. I’ll protect myself better next time. No getting caught up in someone’s style or the way they make my body feel, and then putting blinders on to the trunk full of red flags. I’m going to live in the real world with my guard up and my heart on lockdown. I don’t have time to be catching feelings and investing in someone who’s just hooking up with me until he finds someone more appropriate. If there even is a next time!

Which, whatever, because I DON’T CARE.

I don’t.

Graduation is the week after prom, and it comes fast. Another one of those big moments that I’ve imagined forever, and I’m freaking out about it finally happening. And then right when I begin to chill, it’s over.

I focus on the moments again, memorizing them and adding them to my mental stash. Tessa nervously adjusting her grad cap over her fro. Grandma Lenore sounding her airhorn for not just me but every Black person who walks across the stage. My whole family (even Wally) jumping and shouting like they’re in church when my name is called. Wally tried to stay home,saying he was busy with law school prep, which is irritating because I didn’t even think about missing his college graduation last month. But Dad gave him one of those signatureBoy, you better watch yourselflooks and that was that; he showed up.

I don’t memorize Jay with his arm wrapped around Rachel as their parents take pictures. That moment can go drown in the ocean.

After the ceremony, we head over to Grandma Lenore’s house in Artesia, for a graduation party to celebrate both me and Wally. Grandma Lenore has the smallest house out of everyone, but it’s the center of the family. We’ve celebrated every holiday, birthday, and good report card in her cozy Spanish-style house on Lilac Lane. It’s orange with a terra-cotta roof, and two giant palm trees framing the door. Wally convinced me that he could climb those trees when we were little, showing off the bananas that he supposedly picked from the top. And now I know that’s ridiculous, but I tried and tried until my legs were all scratched up and I went inside and told Grandma Lenore on him. She came outside waving her dish towel around and threatened to whoop his behind “since your mama won’t!” Grandma Lenore has always been my fiercest protector. I wish I could send her after Jay for me.

When we walk up the steps, she’s standing there at the door. She probably just got here a little before us, but I’m sure Auntie Stacy and my cousin Jerry are in the kitchen holding things down.

“Oh, my babies! Look at my educated, degree-havingbabies!” she says with her arms outstretched. She’s wearing a giant pink leopard-print muumuu that makes her look like a high priestess of Lisa Frank.

“They haven’t given it to me yet,” I say, giving her a tight hug. “That little folder thingy was empty. Can you believe that?”

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