Page 66 of One True Loves

Maybe it’s because he feels like the Wally I used to know,that the words slip out of my mouth. “What about Kieran? Do I need to do some killing for you?”

Almost immediately, Wally’s whole face shutters.

“That’s different. I don’t want to... Ican’ttalk about it now.”

I study his face. His jaw is tight and I can see that his breathing has gotten shallower. The easiness from a few seconds ago is gone, and stiff, closed-off Wally is back.

“Fine.”

“You should go take a shower,” he says, standing up, looking everywhere but at me. “And then we can walk to dinner together.”

“Okay, yeah.”

I have no appetite, but I know that food will help with the nausea. And all we have to eat in the room is a bag of pesto-flavored chips that I took from Alex’s stash. Those make me feel even more sick, just looking at them. Plus, if I skip dinner, Mom and Dad will be on my case big-time, which is something I can’t handle right now, on top of everything.

So, I get myself cleaned up, run cold water over my eyes so they look less puffy, and put on a bright yellow tiered maxi dress. If I’m going to see the guy who broke my heart, at least I’m going to look good doing it.

I stay close to the walls as we make our way to the dining room because that seems to make everything spin less. I know I need to get new Sea-Bands or some meds soon, but I need to make it through this dinner first.

Alex won’t try anything, not in front of my parents, I assure myself. Hopefully he doesn’t even have the nerve to show up. There’s only three days left of the cruise—Marseille tomorrow, another sea day, and then we dock in Barcelona. Maybe we can just avoid each other for these last couple of stops, and then we’ll never have to see each other again. I can erase him from my heart, like I’ve done with every other guy who’s treated me like a stepping-stone to a real relationship. I try to push down what I know for sure already—that doing so with Alex is going to be much harder.

Wally squeezes my shoulder when we reach the dining room entrance.

“He’s not here,” he whispers, and I stretch my neck and squint to confirm that it’s true.

I let out a deep sigh. I can do this.

We make our way over to the table, maneuvering around a stage that’s been set up in the center of the room because it’s karaoke night, apparently. A skinny white man in a Hawaiian shirt is belting out a Lizzo song with little regard to the actual lyrics but an aggressive amount of enthusiasm. I’m already making plans for a quick exit.

When we sit down at the table, I search everyone’s faces for signs that they know anything, but they all look normal—if anything, a littletoocheery. But maybe that’s just my bad mood clouding my vision.

“Isn’t this fun?” Mom beams at me, gesturing to the stage. I try to match her smile. “I need to get up there,” she says.

“Please don’t,” Etta mutters. But Mom ignores her and turns to Dr. Lee. “Ronni, do you know ‘Survivor’? Why am I even asking—of course you know ‘Survivor’!”

Yeah, I definitely need to dip out of here soon if my mom is about to attempt a Beyoncé impersonation in front of all these people. And I realize, with a sudden pang in my chest, that Alex and I would be cracking up over our moms’ performance, if everything hadn’t fallen apart. If he hadn’t ruined it all.

“Baby, are you okay?” Mom whispers, leaning in to me. “Your face just got so sad. You can tell me... if something’s bothering you.”

The way she says it, I almost believe her, but I know very clearly now that that sentiment only really applies when what’s bothering me doesn’t interfere with the image my parents expect me to uphold, who they prefer me to be. My mom doesn’t want to hear all of the thoughts and stupid plans that have been running through my brain the past few days.

“I’m fine.”

“Okay,” she says, eyebrows pressed together. But just as quickly, her face shifts into a strange smile. “Well, whatever it is, I think something might be about to happen that will cheer you right up.”

“What does that mean?”

Before she can answer me, the first notes of a Leon Bridges song start to play over the speaker.ThatLeon Bridges song, the one Alex and I danced to last night.

“Please welcome our next performer to the stage!” the announcer booms.

No, no, no. NO.

He wouldn’t dare. After what just happened... hemustknow I don’t want this.

The big smiling faces of our parents and the horrified look on Wally’s face confirm the terrible truth.

“This is for you, Lenore. I’m so sorry.”

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