Page 3 of One True Loves

“Oh, Theo, it will be,” I say, pulling him into a tight hug. “Because he’ll be with you.”

“Theodore,” he growls, but he lets me hug him.

“It’s almost graduation,” I coo as I pat his head. “I think it’s about time for you to give that up and accept my nickname, love.”

“Never.”

The door squeaks, and I look up to see Miles, Tessa’s brother, standing there, a lopsided smile taking up his whole face.

“Group hug!” he shouts, crashing into us, as his infectious laugh makes his whole body shake.

“Yes, group hug,” Tessa says, and I can hear her sniffling. “I love you all.”

“You better suck those tears back in!” I say, pulling her in close. “We got pictures to take.”

“Yeah, right now! Mom sent me in here to get you because everyone’s here,” Miles says, jerking back. “Tessa, you better fix your hair because it’s so flat and you don’t want to look like a flat head in all these pictures because then Sam might dump you. He’s outside, and he told me he’s looking for a new girlfriend anyway!”

“These are valid concerns, Miles,” I add with a snort. “I was just telling her the same thing about her flat head.”

“You jerks!” Tessa says, pushing out of the hug and smacking Miles’s shoulder. He runs out of the room in a burst of giggles, and sheswish-swishes after him, stopping in front of the mirror to fluff up the back of her fro.

Before she makes it outside, though, she collides with Sam, her cinnamon roll of a boyfriend. His blond hair is freshly cut, and he’s wearing a black suit and a tie that perfectly matches the blush pink of her dress—a step up from his typical uniform of Hawaiian shirts.

He cradles her cheek, pulls her in close at the waist, and stares at her all wide-eyed and reverently, like she’s a treasure.

“You look... beautiful,” he whispers. “I mean. Wow. Just... wow.”

Her eyes sparkle and a smile stretches across her face as she moves in for a deep kiss.

Of course she sees the world the way she does. I might believe this one true love, happily ever after bullshit, too, if some guy looked at me like that.

Jay doesn’t. But maybe he will? Maybe tonight.

“God, get a room,” I say, sounding a little more harsh than I intend.

“No one better be getting any rooms!” Tessa’s dad booms, appearing out of nowhere. Sam’s cheeks flame and he takes two giant steps back. “Now come on, y’all,” he continues. “Carol is about to have a fit if she doesn’t get some pictures for herFacebook soon. I’m warning you, she’s got poses planned and everything.”

When we get outside, all the families are standing there like some sort of paparazzi line. Miles, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson (I can never call them Carol and James no matter how much they insist I do that casual shit), Mr. and Mrs. Lim (they prefer those names like normal parents). And then Mom, Dad, and my little sister, Etta, who begged Mom and Dad to come but is sitting on Tessa’s porch now with her nose buried in a textbook like the freaky prodigy kid she is.

“That’s good, now get together,” Mrs. Johnson calls, crouching down low for some reason, getting a good shot of our nostrils. “Do you guys know the Charlie’s Angels? That could be fun!”

It goes by in a blur, my brain rushing to catch up with the fact that this big high school tradition is actually happening, right now. I’ve been feeling this a lot lately, with every simultaneous first and last that pops up with more frequency as graduation day looms closer. You look forward to and dream about all the moments and then, hey, it’s here, it’s happening, and then, bam, it’s over and it will never happen again. The end.

It makes me want to be present and intentional, to reach out and capture these moments so I can store them and save them for later. For when we’re all spread out at different colleges and everything I know and love is never the way it is again, just right now.

For about a year when I was little, I used to carry arounda gigantic pink Polaroid camera, and whenever I saw anything interesting—a family of ants, a lunch box abandoned on the school lawn, skies that looked like watercolor—I would disappear behind it andclick.I went through so much film, basically wallpapering my room with the photos, that my mom put me on a weekly limit. Like some old man with a cigarette habit.

“Why do you take so many pictures?” I remember my older brother, Wally, asking me. “They’re not even good.”

“I’m just memorizing,” I said, and he rolled his eyes at me. But really, I still think that’s the best word for what I was doing. How else can you make sure the little moments aren’t forgotten?

I don’t know what happened to that pink camera, and I don’t have my own camera now. Only my phone, and it won’t do any of this justice.

So, I use my mind to memorize how Theo throws his arms around me and hugs me tighter than he ever has in the four years I’ve known him. I memorize my mom stepping in for Lavon and straightening out his bow tie, the same way she did when my brother went to his first dance with his boyfriend. I memorize Sam pulling Miles into his picture with Tessa, right in the middle, like it’s no big deal. I memorize Dad’s sparkling white smile, so big you can see the pink of his gums.

I wish I could know for sure that I’ve gotten all of it, that I would never forget. I wish I could guarantee that this was not the end of the good, that I could ensure that there’s just as much good waiting for me at NYU next year.

And I wish... I wish Jay was here for it all. I finally let myself admit it. In my head, of course, because there’s no need to bring drama to the buzzy, giddy vibes in the limo when we’re finally on our way. I know he’s being irritating and not texting me back right now, but that doesn’t erase the fluttery feeling I get in my chest when he whispers “Hey, lady” late at night on the phone or the ache in my stomach when we sneak away to the fourth-floor stairwell during conservatory.

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