Page 37 of Monsters of Midnight

“I feel good here,” Caroline said to me, her eyes wide and open with nothing being hidden from me.

“Do you really want to interrupt her peacefulness?” Thrain asked me.

And I hated the instantaneous response that rose quietly within me because the truth was, no, I didn’t. I did not want to change the way she was feeling at the moment. I could tell by the look on her face she was feeling at peace. Who was it for me to change that and bring her back to the pain and suffering of earth. It was selfish of me to want that.

Yet I did.

I wanted it more than I wanted life itself. More than I wanted my brother to be innocent. More than I wanted my mother to be free. More than I wanted anything. I wanted Caroline to come home with me.

I spun quickly on my toe and turned away from Caroline. My body felt as if it was being severed in two. The truth was, I needed to be away from her. To be close to her and not be able to have her made me want to rip out my own heart.

Thrain and I looked at each other, eye to eye, demon to demigod. “I’m going to return.”

“You know there’s nothing I can do,” Thrain admonished.

“If there’s anything to be done, I will find a way to do it,” I insisted.

“You haven’t got much time.” Thrain gazed up to the moon, which hung low and heavy on the horizon. In human terms, we both knew that meant a couple of days at most. Three, probably.

I couldn’t think about that. I couldn’t think about the truth she may walk away from me forever in the matter of a few short days. My heart contracted. I sighed.

“Don’t lock the door,” I said to Thrain before slipping back into the shadows that would bring me back to earth through the portal.

Chapter 21

CAROLINE

When Ryder departed, I was left in confusion, even though I knew I should not be. I knew it was a very simple path forward. I was going to live out the rest of my days as a half fae in a fae afterworld. That was the path for me. It was one of those moments in my life that became so clear and obvious that it was the next right step.

I felt as if this step was always waiting for me in this particular place, and I only had to get to this point in time where I would see exactly which way to go. They were set up before me like clear, stepping stones across a raging river. They steadied and calmed my nerves and made it obvious to me.

At least mostly obvious.

There were, at the back of my mind, questions.

Was there any business left undone with Ryder? Was there something that still needed to happen? I didn’t know how to discern the answer to this question yet and I knew asking Thrain would only give me one answer, which was to continue on my path. I had heard his conversation with Ryder, and there was one thing he wasn’t telling Ryder that was really obvious to me because he told me.

For me to return to earth, somebody on earth must die.

The worlds had to be kept in balance. At least that was the way Oren had explained it to me when I had told her I was having doubts about going into the next world. She made it clear everything came at a cost, including me, returning to my life with Ryder and wondering what that might’ve been like.

Instead, just as we had become open to each other, just as we had chosen honesty and truthfulness the opportunity to love each other fully and wholly had been cut short. I had passed into Undirheim and now this was where we were waiting to see what future awaited me in the land of the fae.

My heart clenched at the thought. An image of Ryder’s dark eyes looking forlornly at me flashed before me. Could I really walk away from him?

Yes.

Absolutely.

If being with him meant the death of somebody else. I absolutely was not okay with that. I needed to move on.

“I guess as these are the last couple of days in Undirheim, you might as well show me around a bit more,” I murmured to Oren.

“I will leave you to it,” Thrain said, giving me a brief nod before he disappeared into the shadows.

“I will take you to the market today,” Oren suggested. “The market has goods from all the worlds in it. It’s really quite the place to be.”

We made our way down the cobblestone streets in silence. Or at least I was silent. Oren was chattering on in her sharp, clipped way and I was mostly ignoring her. My heart and mind were full of thoughts of Ryder.

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