Page 37 of Monsters of Midlife

“Aurelius would have taken the opportunity to have his last moments with her. Hearing you sing gave him a precious gift he would never have had without you being in the pub singing.” Sophie explained.

I listened to her words and understood the logic of them, but it didn’t change the way I felt, like I was some walking mess of an individual, a harbinger of death, who was going to sing and cause tears throughout the world until the day I died myself.

Chapter 23

RYDER

Caroline was sobbing on the couch when I walked in the door. I stood stock still, not daring to move. Every muscle in my body wanting to run to her and scoop her up and take away any ounce of pain she was feeling. I wanted to help her release her fear and uncertainty and whatever it was she was going through.

I glanced over at Sophie, who was sitting next to her on the sofa, one arm on her shoulder, trying to give her support. I shook my head and waved her out of the room. I wanted some time alone with Caroline. Sophie didn’t even question it or begrudge me space. I didn’t trust Sophie much. She’d already taken Caroline out of the safety zone. Witches always had their own agenda; they always had things they wanted that were separate from what the DGC wanted. However, they fell in line with the DGC because the DGC was in control, so they had to. As far as witches went, Sophie seemed to understand the importance of protecting Caroline now, and I hoped she wanted to help. She nodded her head slightly as she walked past me toward the front door.

“I’m going to go check on a few things. Just text me when you need me back here,” she said. She lowered her voice as she leaned in. “I don’t think she’s doing well with this whole banshee thing.”

That was hardly any surprise, but I understood the problem. I just didn’t know how to fix it.

Caroline looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot and swollen. Tight lines were drawn in anger across her face. It’s not exactly what I was expecting, but I wasn’t surprised.

“You could’ve told me,” she said with a hiss.

“Told you what?” I asked, glaring at her and trying to discern exactly what I was in trouble for this time.

“You could’ve told me I was a banshee.” She raised her hands in the air for emphasis.

“You are making an assumption,” I pointed out, “that I knew you were a banshee.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the god of monsters?” she growled at me. “Doesn’t that give you some level of insight into what people are?”

“I guess I just had a blind spot where you were concerned,” I said gruffly. My face was as stern as I could make it. I didn’t want her to see any sign of emotion. The last thing she needed to know was that I couldn’t get her out of my senses. There was nothing I could do to keep this woman out of my blood. No matter how far I went, no matter how many monsters I fought or females I met, it was always her I wanted to come home to. This woman was no longer mine, though. She was no longer my wife, not my girlfriend, we weren’t even friends. No matter how desperately I wished all that were not true.

“Okay, so you’re a banshee? So what?” I asked. “I’m a monster. Does it make any difference?”

“I am a harbinger of death,” she said, her voice horrified. “Yeah, I think there’s a little bit of a difference there.”

“It’s not like you’re killing people,” I said. “It just means when someone’s about to die you’re going to have some awareness of it, more than others would.”

“Well, I don’t want to have any sense of anyone else’s death,” Caroline said.

I desperately wanted to go to her and put my arms around her and hold her and make the pain go away. I could see how she was confused and unsure of what she was, but instead I just stared at her, feeling useless. I was trained in fighting monsters. I was born to fight monsters. Comforting women, even a banshee…well, it wasn’t one of my skills. You would think I would’ve learned how to do that when we were married, but I guess I hadn’t been paying much attention or else she wouldn’t have divorced me. Ever since then she had seemed a bit broken. I had this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach I was part of the reason. Never in a million years should I have gotten involved with her when we first met. I should’ve left her alone instead of imposing myself on her. I hadn’t been able to get her out of my system. I needed her. The same way I needed her now, but those days were gone.

She stood up and came toward me angrily. “Make it stop,” she said.

“What do you mean make it stop?”

“Stop me from being a banshee,” Caroline said, her eyes pleading up at me with more trust and desperation than I had seen in her face before.

"I can’t do that,” I said.

“Of course, you can,” she said. “You’re a god damn god of monsters. You must be able to do something with those powers.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m the demigod of monsters,” I admitted. “That’s the truth. I’m half god, half human and I can turn into a monster. Doesn’t give me the power to change a being from what they are. You were born a banshee. It’s a type of Fae that can tell when death is coming.”

“You must’ve known something about this?” she asked

“When it comes to you, I have a lot of blind spots,” I said through gritted teeth. “The reality is there’s nothing I can do about this. You are a banshee. The best we can do is put you in touch with some people, some other Fae, who can teach you a little more about using your powers.”

She was standing right in front of me and clearly wanted to punch me in the chest. I didn’t blame her. I was mostly hating on myself too, but there was no way I was going to show her my pain. That wasn’t going to help her. She was completely lost and confused in a brand-new world and there was unfortunately very little I could do to help her come to terms with it.

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