Page 2 of Monsters of Midlife

“Pash lee!” I yelled at Ratchet in Russian, one of the many languages we spoke, one that made me feel comfortable under duress. “We need to move at hyper speed,” I said

“I’ve got something better,” Ratchet said. “Just wait.”

“Just wait and we’ll be surrounded by monsters. I don’t think you want to do that,” I said.

“No, but I have been dating this witch woman.” Ratchet insisted

“That older one you were telling me about?” I asked.

Ratchet shot me a sideways grin. “Oh yes and she’s been teaching me things. New things.”

“I’m sure she has,” I said with a slight smile, shaking my head. Only Ratchet would think of sex at a time like this, surrounded by seething monsters who made the hounds of hell look like lap puppies.

“Grab onto my shoulders,” Ratchet held his hands out in front of him as he began muttering a spell.

“Subito Nakata Lucia!” Ratchet’s eyes were burning fires as they rose above his scalp and drifted out of his ears. I’d always known he was a demon; I’d seen him kill many monsters in a demonic state, but to see him like this so close when I was forced to touch him…

It made a deep dark resonant laughter well up inside me.

The glee of his demonic powers filtered into me and brought out the chaos that wrestled inside me. It allowed me to be the chaotic god I enjoyed being, the creature who didn’t worry about any human sacrifice or any human need. I could be just as demonic and crazy as Ratchet and just as dangerous as these monsters.

A blinding light encompassed us as Ratchet’s hands clapped together. When the light faded, I could see it moving in ripples and waves across the monsters, making them all docile and calm.

“How the fuck did you do that?” I asked, shaking my head as I scratched my long black hair.

“We’ve got to hurry,” he said. “It only lasts for about thirty minutes and then it’ll be gone, and we’ll be stuck in the same mess.”

“Have you ever even done this before?” I asked.

“I have now,” Ratchet said with a grin. “We have yet to see if I’ve done it successfully.”

Chapter 2

CAROLINE

“Oh, my fucking god, you’ve got to see this one,” Laney tipped forward, showing me her phone. I reached out and straightened her hand. The glasses of wine had clearly made her a little askew. Or maybe it was me who was askew. It’s not like I hadn’t drank half a bottle.

“No way!” I exclaimed looking at the baseball capped older man in the photo. “I’m not looking to be a geriatric nurse! Can’t you find anything even halfway decent? I don’t want some old fuck who I’m going to have to take care of in ten years.”

“You’re so damn picky,” Laney said. “Ryder ruined you. I swear, Caroline. You don’t like guys who are too young. You don’t like guys who are too old. You don’t like guys with tatts or piercings.”

“I just…” I moaned. There was no way I could explain.

Laney looked at me with sympathy. “Don’t worry girl, I got it. When I think about your ex-husband, I understand why you would be picky. Damn, he was a nice piece of ass.”

“Could you please not talk about Ryder that way?” I asked. It’s not like I had a hard time remembering my too-hot-to-handle ex-husband.

“I’m sorry,” Laney said. “It’s just, you know, every woman who looked at him was thinking that.”

My heart clenched as I thought about all the women who always stared at my ex-husband. It never bothered me when we were together. Made me feel special; like I had won the lottery. My heart clenched. I needed to not think about him and how fucked up it got or how crazy I got. “I just don’t need my best friend saying shit like that.”

“Me?” Laney asked, pointing a very manicured fingernail at herself. “Oh, no. You got me wrong. I mean, he’s good looking, but he’s an asshole. Total, total asshole. I mean, I hate him. Personally, I think he’s just a piece of shit, especially for cheating. I can’t really blame the girls, even though I’m sure they were assholes, too, because honestly if he wasn’t your husband or your ex-husband, fuck, I would’ve done him too. But no. I mean just no.”

“Maybe we should cut you off from the wine,” I grumbled. The last thing I needed was my best friend pouring out her secret desires for my ex-husband. “I’m not sure the stuff you’re saying is shit I really wanna know.”

We both started laughing hysterically.

“You know, if he wasn’t your ex-husband, you’d want to do him too,” Laney said.

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