Page 104 of Burn

This would have been an excellent realization to have months ago.

“I need to go,” I tell him.

“Call me after… after whatever happens. If it goes really bad, call me sooner.”

“Thanks, man. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Save that for her.”

With that, the line goes dead, and I carefully set my phone on the kitchen table next to her wilting flowers.

I slowly approach the door and run my hand down the wood, feeling the grain against my fingertips. It’s cool against my flushed skin, and I force myself to take a few more deep breaths before I push the door open.

The bedroom is in complete disarray. The bed is moved almost to the door, and the mattress and box spring have been pushed off the frame. The bedside lamp has been knocked over, and the bulb has shattered into thousands of slivers that sparkle in the dim light streaming in from outside. The storm seems to have passed, and there’s no longer the sounds of thunder and rain covering the sounds inside. The power is still out, but there’s enough light from the window that I can clearly see her.

She’s sitting up, legs crossed. Her body is angled awkwardly with her hands locked to the bed, twisted at the waist. Her hairis wild, and pieces stick to her sweaty forehead. Her eyes are rimmed red from crying, and when they lock on my face, she pushes herself away with her feet but only makes it a few inches.

God damn. She’s terrified.

I drop to a crouch, putting my hands up with my palms out.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I say quietly.

She doesn’t reply. She doesn’t flinch when I speak. She just sits and stares.

I know the minute I let her go, she’s gone, and I can’t let her leave without hearing me out, so I keep going. “I don’t have an excuse. For any of it.” The weight of her stare becomes too much, and I drop my eyes to the floor. “It felt like a game. Like it wasn’t real life, and I think I convinced myself that you wanted to play. Then the fire happened, and everything changed. Suddenly, you were here, and I forgot about what came before because I could only focus on finding a way to keep you forever.” I look up at her face, then flick my eyes to her wrists. They’re red and purple, bruising already. “But this isn’t how I wanted to keep you.”

Glancing back at her face, her expression remains cold and detached.

“I’ve never wanted anything or anyone like I want you. I’m willing to play any part you need me to. I just… I need you not to go. Please,” I force myself to hold eye contact with her, despite the physical pain it inflicts on my fucking soul. “Please, don’t leave. Give me another chance.”

When she doesn’t so much as blink, I nod and say, “Okay. I’m going to unlock the cuffs. Then I’m going to leave the room. I will sit on the couch. I won’t move from that spot. If you’re willing to give me a chance to make this right, I swear you won’t regret it.” I close my eyes, unable to look at her as I say, “If you choose to walk out that door, and never come back,I won’t chase you. I won’t follow. I’ll let you go, even though it’ll kill me to do it.”

My stomach churns at the thought of her picking the latter.

My heart breaks at the thought of never seeing her face again.

And so, help me God, my eyes sting, the pain is so overwhelming.

I count to ten in my head, waiting for her to respond. She doesn’t, and when I open my eyes and slowly reach into my pocket for the key, her face remains neutral, the only movement is the slow bob of her throat as she swallows.

“I’m not going to hurt you — I promise. I’m going to unlock the cuffs. Do you understand?”

She slowly nods once.

“Okay,” I whisper as I crawl toward her.

An image of her crawling on her hands and knees to me, across the carpet of her friend’s guest room, flashes through my mind. This floor is hard. It bites into my knees like a cruel punishment for every fucked up choice I’ve made when it comes to this girl.

I reach for the cuffs, and the heat coming off her body slams into me while her sweet perfume floods my senses. I slide the key into the keyhole, and take in one final deep breath, etching the feeling of our skin touching to memory, and then I turn it, hearing the click of the lock disengaging. The first cuff falls away, and I lightly grip her wrist, pulling it closer, and push the key into the second cuff.

I chance one last glance at her face, at her hurricane eyes, at her full, pouty lips that I fucking pray I’ll kiss again, and I turn the key. As soon as the cuffs hit the floor, I push myself up, and despite every fucking fiber of my being warring against me,begging me to stay, I walk out of the room, heading for the couch.

Like I promised.

Lex

The door clicks closed quietly behind Adrian, but its echoes are louder than the booming thunder from the now-over storm. I stay put, cross-legged on the bedroom floor, rubbing at my sore wrists. There are bright, angry marks from pulling against the cuffs, and as I push my fingers into them, pain radiates through my arms.

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