Page 68 of Second Shot

He arches his brows. “You went to therapy?”

“Yes,” I say softly.

He scowls. “See, this is why we broke up. You never told me shit.” He sits up. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about that? If it bothered you somuch you went to therapy, why couldn’t you tell me?”

My face warms. “I was afraid of being judged.”

“You thought I’d judge you?” He looks hurt. “I wouldn’t have done that, Ryan. I’d have just listened.”

I let out a shaky, guilty breath. “My lack of trust wasn’t about you, Tam, it was more about me. I cared too much what people thought of me, so I hid shit from everyone. I’m a fucking fraud.”

“No, you’re not.” He grimaces. “Everyone worries what people think. And your dad didn’t exactly instill trust in you.”

“Yeah.” I rub my face, letting my hands fall listlessly onto my lap.

“Why’d you bully those kids?” Tam asks softly. “It’s hard for me to picture you doing anything like that.”

I scrunch my face. “I was a dumb kid. I was scared Freddy would bully me, so I did whatever he told me to do. I was weak. Selfish. I deserve Gabe’s hatred. It doesn’t matter that I’ve always regretted how I was back then. I still did it to save my own ass.”

“But like you said, you were just a kid.”

“Still,” I mutter. “I knew it was wrong. I should have been stronger. I was a coward.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. From what you’ve told me, you were dealing with some awful stuff at home. What you did to those kids was wrong. There’s no getting around that. But you’ve apologized, and you’ve worked hard to be better. That’s what matters.”

“I’ve really tried to be a better person,” I say gruffly.

“And you’ve succeeded.” We fall silent for a few minutes, then Tam asks tentatively, “Has your father reached out to you?”

Wincing, I say, “Oh, yeah. He was as charming as usual. I can never count on that asshole, but I can always count on that asshole to be an asshole.”

“He’s a pathetic excuse of a father,” Tam grumbles. “Where does he get off judging you? He’s a low-life abuser.”

I blow out a harsh breath. “I don’t want to think about him.”

“No, of course not.” He touches my leg. “Let’s talk about something else.”

I meet his gaze. “How long are you staying in California?”

“I was playing it by ear. I wasn’t sure how big of a wreck you’d be when I got here.” He glances at the half empty bottle of whiskey on thecoffee table. “You’re not doing great, are you, Ryan?”

I laugh hoarsely. “Well, Tam, I’ve been better.”

“Yeah. I’ll bet.” He gets up and goes into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a tumbler. He pours himself a generous serving of whiskey and reclaims his spot on the couch. “So, is it true you were sleeping with your ex-victim Gabriel Jacobs?”

My face flushes with heat. “Trust you to go for the jugular.”

He smirks. “That’s not an answer. Did you sleep with him?”

“Is that important?”

He squints at me. “Yes. I want to know which rumors I’m hearing are true and which ones are lies.”

“Hell, even I don’t know what things in the news are true and what aren’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be so confused.” I sigh, avoiding his question about Gabe. “Seems like everyday something knew comes out. I have no idea what to believe.”

“I’ve seen some of the texts that Freddy guy is spreading around on social media.” He taps his finger against his glass. “They look legit. But I don’t believe for one second you were bullyingJacobs in the locker room, so I know they’re fake.”

I meet his gaze. “Thank you, Tam.” My eyes sting. “It’s fucking nice to hear that. I feel so alone. I mean, some of the guys on the team have reached out, but I can’t tell if they’re just being nice or if they really believe I’m not guilty of that shit.”