Sometimes I wish I’d met Gabe when I was younger. Maybe I would’ve had more self-confidence if someone like him had been in my corner, instead of a jerk like Freddy Morrison. But the past is what it is, and all I can do now is stay close to Gabe and hope he keeps letting me in.
Chapter Thirteen
Gabe
I watch Ryan sleeping in my bed in our shared hotel room, his body curled toward the center. One arm is bent under the pillow, the other resting across his bare chest, rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. His dark lashes fan against his cheeks, and his messy blond hair flops over his forehead.
The sheet’s slipped low on his hips, exposing the sculpted lines of his abdomen and the faint trail of blond hair leading down from his navel. He looks so peaceful, so unguarded, and my heart aches with guilt. He trusts me completely. And I feel like the biggest asshole alive. I still haven’t come clean about who I really am. I’m falling in love with the guy, and sometimes I suspect he feels the same toward me. But it’s all built on a lie. He doesn’t even know who he’s sharing this bed with.
Life is going well as far as hockey is concerned. Last night we won against the Bay City Barracudas, snagging a place in the playoffs. We’re now fifth in the conference, and I should be fucking overjoyed. Baring anything disastrous, odds are we’ll be in the playoffs. Yet I can’t feel any joy because theguilt is overwhelming. My little toxic secret is slowly eating away at my soul.
I need to tell Ryan the truth, but I’m terrified. If he rejects me, I’ll lose him forever. I can’t conceive of not having him in my life anymore. Plus, there’d be the added torture of having to play on the same team as him. Seeing him every day, with him hating my guts, that would probably kill me.
I should never have let it get this far. But the closer Ryan and I got, the harder it became to tell him the truth. Now I’m at the point where I can’t, in good conscience, keep this going unless he knows everything. My worry is that, if I tell him, there won’t be anything left to continue. He’ll be too hurt, too horrified, to ever be with me again.
When Ryan’s eyes open, my heart stutters. Then he smiles and reaches for me, tugging me against him. He rolls over on top of me, and our naked dicks press together. He kisses me, running his big hands down my naked body, and rocking his hips.
“Well, good morning,” I say, laughing.
“I just had the best fucking dream,” he whispers, nuzzling my cheek.
“Yeah? What was it about?” I smooth my hands down his muscular biceps.
He bites his bottom lip. “I was fucking you.”
My gut churns with lust and my dick hardens at the look in his eyes. He hasn’t fucked me yet. We’ve danced around it a few times, but ultimately, he always ends up being the receiver. But something about the way he’s looking at me this morning makes me think he’s done waiting.
“Is that something you want?” I ask breathlessly.
He nods. “Yeah, I do. Wanted it for a long time now, but wasn’t sure you did.”
Considering all the guilt I feel about Ryan, I should probably discourage having sex. The mature thing to do would be to tell him we need to talk. But instead, I lean up and take his mouth in a desperate kiss. I want this at least once before I lose him. And I worry that’s what’s coming.
Ryan’s eyes are a dark, stormy green, like clouds right before a twister touches down, and I swear to god the air between us is crackling with electricity. His hand slides up my side, slow and deliberate. His cock is a hard, insistent pressure against my thigh. The way it throbs against me sends a jolt of pure, desperate need straight to my own dick.
“Been thinking about this a lot lately,” Ryan rumbles, his voice low and rough, like gravel under tires. His hips grind against mine, and I can feel every inch of his thick, heavy cock. “Can’t wait to be inside you, Gabe.”
“I haven’t let a guy fuck me in years,” I choke out, my voice trembling like a fucking teenager’s. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but he should know so he can be gentle.
He looks surprised, but then a lewd smile creeps across his face. “Good. I like that. I love that, in fact.” He kisses me, curling his tongue against mine, and I moan into his mouth. His calloused hand rubs down my body, feeling every inch of me. “I’ll make it so good for you, Gabe. I promise.”
“I just want to feel you inside me,” I whisper, looking into his beautiful jade eyes. Those eyes used to terrorize my dreams, now I can’t get enough of them. “Wanna feel your cum inside me, Ryan.”
“Fuck, yeah.” He presses his mouth to the side of my neck, and his teeth sink into my skin. I hiss at the sharp sting, but it’s the kind of pain that makes my cock fill and harden. His tongue soothes the bite, and then he’s sucking hard, leaving a mark that’s gonna last for days. He lifts his head. “I’m marking you as mine, Gabe. That okay with you?”
I meet his gaze and I see some nervousness. He’s worried I won’t want that. His insecurities show themselves less and less lately, but they still pop up in moments like these. Little does he know, I’ll proudly wear his mark. “I like the idea,” I say huskily.
His smile is almost boyish, but then he cups my ass, squeezing hard, and his expression becomes more predatory. He shifts his body lower to suck and bite at my nipples. I can’t help squirming against him, digging my fingers into his biceps. He chuckles at the desperate sounds I’m making, and he slips one hand down to cup my nuts. I moan as he squeezes, rubbing them with his thumb. He tortures me like that for a few moments, then grabs the bottle of lube still on the bed from last night.
He grabs my thighs, holding my gaze as he pushes my legs up, spreading me wide. I’m nervous and I think he sees that on my face because, while he fits himself between my thighs, he doesn’t immediately try to fuck me. Instead, he takes one slick finger and he smears the cool lube around my hole. His touch is gentle, coaxing, and before long that lubed finger is slipping inside my anus.
I gasp in pain and stiffen at the intrusion. I wasn’t lying. It’s been years since I allowed a man inside my body. But I want this with Ryan more than I’ve ever wanted it with anyone. However, at my discomfort, he pulls the finger out of me and he kisses me some more while playing with the outer rim of my asshole. He caresses and teases my sensitive hole until I’m whimpering for him to fuck me.
But he doesn’t give into my request. He continues to stroke and tease my hole, coaxing needy moans from me, until the tense muscles relax. Even then, he continues to tease me instead of entering me. His gaze is fixed on me like he’s trying to read my mind. I moan and plead for him to breach my hole, but he still holds off. Lust and frustration surge in me, and I make sure he knows my opinions on the subject. But all I get from him is a little smirk as he continues torturing me with exquisite little brushes of his fingertips.
By the time hefinallygives me what I need, I’m trembling and desperate. A low, aching groan escapes my lips as he slowly slips one finger back inside of me. This time, instead of pain, I feel only pleasure. I’ll admit, it also feels weird to have something in my ass after so long, but I like it. I like the sensation of his finger rubbing and stroking my insides. When he swipes over my prostate gland, I cry out and my dick leaks all over my abdomen.
“Fuck,”I hiss, my body aching and throbbing.