Page 44 of Omega in Hiding

His skin is smooth and cool, and he holds my hand atinybit longer than necessary before letting go. “It’s nice to officially meet you, Connor.”

“You too. Thanks again for checking on me.”

“My pleasure.” He steps back from the car when I start the engine.

I drive away as he waves and then walks into the café. Sully was attractive, kind and obviously interested. I liked his energy, but didn’t feel any spark while talking to him. When I first met Paolo, there was a buzz of raw attraction that I just couldn’tshake. I’m frustrated that I always compare any new alphas to what Paolo made me feel. None of them seem to measure up, and that scares me. I don’t want to be forever yearning for an alpha I can’t have. I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life just because I can’t forget Paolo.

When I get home, I walk into my cramped, one bedroom apartment feeling cold and exhausted. I should eat something, but the idea of eating makes me nauseated. I put the tea kettle on while I strip and put on warm pajamas. Once the kettle whistles in the other room, I make myself a cup of chamomile tea and crawl in bed with my beverage. The warm cup heats my chilled fingers as I blow on the steaming brew.

I haven’t bothered decorating my apartment. That means I’m surrounded by bare, white walls. As a live in manny, I never had much need of material things. If I’d accumulated a bunch of stuff, I’d have had to pay for storage when on an assignment. Because of that, I have no TV or stereo system, so the silence of the apartment is oppressive.

I probably should put some effort into my home, but lately I have no drive. I just sleep on my days off, and then go to work when scheduled. Part of that grogginess is pure depression. I was doing really well before working for the Coppola family. I had a job I loved and I felt like I was a positive influence in the world. Now? All I do is sleep and mope around. Everything fell apart after working for the Coppola family and meeting Paolo. I’m glad I was there when Paolo was attacked. I’m glad I was able to protect him. I can’t bear the idea of anything ever hurting him. But if I’m honest, that was when my life began to unravel.

I sip my tea, staring into space. If my family truly was involved in the attack on Paolo and Baby Joesph, I hate themeven more than I already did. I sometimes dream about Patrick and Da finding me. The dreams are terrifying. Mostly because I know if they found me in real life, they’d be just as cruel as they are in the dreams.

I finish my tea and slide down under the covers. My thoughts once more drift to Paolo. I sometimes pretend he’s holding me in his arms again. We only slept together once, but every detail of the moment is burned into my brain. My dick warms and hardens remembering that day together.

I’m tired but my body aches for release. I slip one hand down and stroke myself. Images of Paolo instantly come to me. I envision him on top of me, looking down at me with his beautiful blue eyes. I moan, remembering how big and hard he was. I swear I can smell his scent and taste him on my tongue. It’s as if he’s imprinted on my soul.

My hand trembles as my orgasm builds deep in my groin. I’d give anything to have him in my bed. I’d give anything to have his knot growing inside of me, holding his warm seed in my womb. “Paolo,” I whimper, thrusting into my hand. “I wish you were here.”

My thigh muscles burn as I dig my heels into the mattress. What would Paolo do to me if he were really here? Would he nudge my thighs wide, then plunge inside me deep and hard? Would he kiss me and put his tongue in my mouth. I want that. I need that so bad. I’d ride his dick, begging him to use me. Goosebumps prickle along my hot flesh as I envision Paolo fucking me. Breeding me.

“Oh, God,” I cry out, coming hard. Hot cum slides down over my moving fingers, splattering my stomach. My asshole quivers and clenches as my climax ravages me. I relish the delicious sensations of my climax, memories of Paolo still freshin my mind. But without his cock inside me, I feel hollow. My orgasm feels good, but it’s not the same as when Paolo’s dick was in my body.

Breathing hard, I lie there, my release smeared on my belly. Is this my future? Sad, solitary jerking off sessions while all alone for the rest of my life? It’s been a full month since I left Dario and Alessio’s home, and my memories of Paolo are as strong as ever. That terrifies me. I don’t understand my attachment to him. I can’t go back to Paolo, but if I never try to move forward, will I die alone?

Should I try to date? Should I flirt with Sully if I see him again? The thought of it feels wrong. It’s like I belong to Paolo and trying to date other alphas is cheating. But that makes no sense. He didn’t claim me. We only slept togetheronetime. So why is he so burned into my soul?

I force myself to clean off with tissues from the bedstand. Then I pull the covers over my head and close my eyes. There’s an ache in my chest that makes it hard to breathe. I have to do something to try and get out of this funk. I can’t go on like this. I’ll waste away if this is how I continue to live my life.

I’m so physically and emotionally exhausted, I finally fall asleep. My dreams are chaotic and filled with Paolo and my brother Patrick. When I wake up, it’s daylight. I sit up and a wave of nausea immediately sweeps over me. With a panicked grunt, I jump out of bed and run into the bathroom. I fall to my knees on the tile floor and vomit into the toilet. My stomach is empty, so after the initial release of bile, all I can do is dry heave for what feels like an hour.

I’m covered in sweat by the time my stomach settles. I slide down onto the cold tile floor, feeling dizzy. I must have a damn bug. That must be why I’ve been so tired all the time. I stay thereon the floor for a while, then I get up and brush my teeth. I stare at my pale reflection in the mirror. I have circles under my eyes and I look thinner. I’ve definitely lost weight, so then why are my pants tighter around the waist?

I go into the bedroom, considering calling in sick. But as I sit there with the phone in my hand, I actually begin to feel a little better. It would be best if I didn’t call in sick. I need the money, and I don’t get paid if I don’t show up. I don’t make as much waiting tables as I did as a manny. Plus I have rent and things I didn’t have to worry about before. I blow out a shaky breath and decide to go in to work after all.

Once I get to work, I’m glad I came in. I’m feeling a little better now. My shift goes well, and I have more nice customers than rude for once. When I still have about an hour left on my shift, Sully comes in. He gives me a shy smile when he sees me, and I go up to him.

“Hey,” I say. “Aren’t you earlier than usual?”

His cheeks flush. “Yeah, I… I got off early so I thought maybe I’d come inside and actually eat dinner here tonight.”

“Sounds good.” I grab a menu from the register area. “Follow me.” I take him to one of the smaller booths in a quieter area of the café.

He slides into the booth, looking awkward. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

I frown. “No. Why would you?”

He sighs. “Because it must be obvious I came early hoping to see you again.”

I give a surprised laugh. “Is that why you came early?”

“Yeah.” His cheeks are even pinker. “I… I really am hungry and I really am going to eat dinner. But I was hoping I’d see you.”

I smile to put him at ease. “I’m flattered.”

Iamflattered. He’s a very attractive alpha and he’s even got a great job. But I’m also conflicted. After how lonely and pathetic I felt last night, I shouldn’t be conflicted. I should be ecstatic that he’s interested in me. Yet, his interest makes me nervous. I don’t want to hurt him. I worry if I’m too friendly, he might think he has a chance with me. I don’t know if it have it in me just yet to date anyone.

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