Page 137 of The Manny

“I see.”

“My boss Bernice says I’d be a fool to turn this down.” He dropped his gaze. “I’d be taking care of the US ambassador to Germany’s two-year-old son.”

“Seriously?” Shock rolled through me.

“Yeah.” He gave a weak smile. “Now can you see why it’s hard to say no?”

I felt sick admitting it to myself, but how could he possibly turn that down?Whywould he turn it down? No matter how fond he was of Mia, that was a huge career move. “I… don’t know what to say.”

“Me neither.” His jaw was tight. “I felt like I should tell you right away.”

“Right.” I nodded, trying to shake off the shock. “I’m glad you did.”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

I gave a hard laugh. “We both know you’ll take it.”

He avoided my gaze. “As I said, I haven’t made up my mind just yet.”

I blew out a shaky breath. “What does Crispin think about this… opportunity?”

“I haven’t said anything to him yet. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“I see.” I raked a hand through my hair, feeling as if I’d been suckered punched. Why did it hurt so much? I’d made my choice not to pursue anything with him. It was inevitable that I’d lose him at some point. “When do you leave?”

“IfI take the job,” he said pointedly. “I’d leave three weeks from today.”

“Not a lot of time.”

He said quietly, “More than enough for some things, Jack.”

I swallowed hard but remained silent. I knew what he was hinting at, but I couldn’t seem to find the courage to meet his gaze.

“I just need a reason to stay.”

“Mia isn’t enough of a reason?”

“She’s the main reason I didn’t immediately say yes.” He winced. “But I need something more if I’m going to turn this opportunity down. I’m starting to really worry about my future.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, for example, I love Mia. I feel like I’m a part of her life.” He wrinkled his brow. “But in truth, I’m just playing a role. I’m not a part of anything permanent. The knowledge of that is beginning to wear on me.”

I watched him closely, moved by the pain in his voice. “How does going to Germany change anything?”

“I think the change of scenery would do me good. Once I’m feeling more like my old self, perhaps I could come home and tell Bernice I won’t do long-term jobs anymore. If I did that, maybe I’d have a chance at a normal life.”

“When you say a normal life, you mean… a relationship?”

He nodded, avoiding my gaze. “I used to enjoy the moving around part, going from family to family.” His voice was even softer as he continued. “But lately, I’ve felt lonely. Like, if I disappeared off the face of the earth, no one would really even care.”

“That’s not true.”

He sighed. “I need to belong somewhere. Really belong. I want someone to belong to me. I love my job, but it’s not enough on its own.”

“I see.” I felt physically ill at the thought of Thomas leaving, but that old familiar fear was still gnawing at me. I didn’t want to lose him, but I didn’t know how to keep him.

He must have seen something on my face because he said, “I realize this is coming out of left field. I just needed to tell you what was going on with me.”

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