Page 97 of Doubts & Fears

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I vaguely remembered the carpenter’s body being removed and the lid being put on. At some point, I passed out from exhaustion, fear, and pain. When I awoke hours later, cool air from the holes danced over my skin. The Mask and his partner were talking next to the coffin. I cried out, asking to be let out. The evil laughter was my only reward.

“Looks like she didn’t die. I guess we can still bury her with this piece of shit who couldn’t do the one thing we asked him to do.” He kicked the coffin, startling me.

His words caused me to scream once more. I fought with everything left within me, screaming and trying to move inside the coffin, but the carpenter’s box had no room. Panic set in, and I started dry heaving.

“You’re even more stupid than I thought. Do it, throw up, stupid bitch, and die,” he said. As I closed my eyes, something in me snapped. I got my breathing under control, remembering something my father had taught me years before.

I thought about the steps of the last dance I did with Pasha. If I were going to die tonight, my mind would dream of my past life. Hearing them digging our graves, I embraced death. I drifted off to sleep, welcoming it. And that was when Mischa Natalya officially died.

Gradually, the nightmare’s grip loosened its hold on me. I emerged, but the sensation of being confined inside something so small wouldn’t let up. Each breath I tried to draw in was stifled, as if the surrounding air had somehow become dense and constricted.

My eyes flew open, and the room spun and then seemed to shrink, its walls closing in, threatening to squeeze the life out of me.

I awoke screaming, “Vypusti menya!”Letme out.

Nik rushed toward me, coming out of nowhere. His attempt to gather me into his embrace only intensified the feeling of being confined. Panic surged within me, and I fought back with every ounce of strength I had, my nails digging into his arms, leaving angry marks in my wake.

He called my name, and his voice finally penetrated the haze. Ivan and Alek burst into the room, their faces etched with concern as they took in the chaotic scene.

“Mischa Natalya,” Nikolai growled in my ear, trapping my arms once more.

“Mischa Natalya is dead, Sir,” I said, sagging into his arms and crying harder than I had in years. He held me close to his body, whispering to me in Russian.

I yearned to tell Nik everything was okay, but the words were trapped within me like Mischa in the box, and all I could do was cry.

Chapter 31

Nikolai

Aftermath

As the words spilled from her lips, they released within her a wave of raw, intense tears. They flooded over her, and she broke into pieces right in my arms.

She gasped for air, her hand held to her chest. Gut-wrenching sobs erupted from deep within, tearing through me and breaking any amount of composure I had.

I’d only ever held one other woman in this amount of distress before—my mother, when Vanya lay bleeding out on the bathroom floor. Tears streamed down Kinsley’s face as the pent-up feelings were fully unleashed. I struggled to form words to comfort her, swallowed by her emotions.

I’d just come from the shower and realized she was naked. I pulled my T-shirt off and covered her body, then sat back on the bed and pulled her onto my lap.

Subconsciously, I knew my brothers weren’t going anywhere, so I settled in the middle of the bed. Alek immediately sat to my right, and Ivan to my left. I stroked her back gingerly and sang to her.

Ivan brushed his fingers up and down her arm, and Alek pushed her hair back from her face. Our eyes met, and in them the concern along with the remnants of pain from his migraine shone strong. Her eyes finally drifted closed, and her breathing returned to normal.

As I held her now sleeping body close to mine, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had caused such an intense nightmare. My heart ached with worry, and a familiar desire to shield her from whatever demons haunted her subconscious moved within me.

“What in the fuck was that about, do you think?” I asked.

“No idea, Brother,” Ivan said.

“You think it has something to do with this?” I gestured to all of us on the bed, each in some way trying to comfort her. “What we’re doing with her?” I added as guilt washed over me.

As the levelheaded one, I’d always analyzed every small detail thoroughly before acting, but somehow with her, I hadn’t. Something was happening, seemingly as if she’d cast some spell on us. The feel of her body next to me in my bed was something I couldn’t wrap my head around.

The absolute peace that came with holding her was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. She was a perfect fit, and she made all the shitty things in the world disappear whenever I was with her.

In her presence, I found refuge, and I couldn’t help but want to fiercely protect her from danger. The first words I’d ever spoken to her were never truer than they were at this moment. She had awoken something in me that I’d thought was long dead.

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