Page 120 of Doubts & Fears

“Sweetness, please stop,” Alek begged, switching gears.

What he didn’t understand was I couldn’t. It was another game the Mask would play. Sometimes he’d let the Collector try to console me. I looked straight ahead and repeated it in each language. One time I stood for hours saying it. My throat was so sore that day that it eventually only came out as a whisper.

I listened intently, waiting to hear the words I knew would release me. Ivan grabbed me in his arms, tightly. I went from saying it to shouting. The physical touch was too much to handle, and I panicked. He immediately let go like I had scalded him.

I vaguely heard Nik say, “I’m calling Marcel.” But I didn’t stop. Nik shoved the phone up to my ear, and through it, I could hear Marcel talking.

My mind was completely focused on listening for words that could release me. Words they’d never know. A sickening feeling of intense fear enveloped me.

“Mischa Natalya,” Marcel called out. Hearing it in such a dominant tone snapped me right out of the trance I had put myself in.

“Sir, Mischa Natalya is dead, and this stupid nobody saw her die,” I whispered, collapsing as Ivan stepped up to catch me. He scooped me up and carried me to his bed.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry. Please, little love, shh, I’ve got you,” he murmured in my ear.

Chapter 38

Aleksandr

A Fiasco In Need of Fixing

The sound of the bedroom door closing behind her and Ivan reverberated in my chest. I’d fucked up again. I never seemed to think clearly when it came to her. Finding myself standing on the damn threshold once more, my gaze fixed on the empty spot she’d left behind, my heart sank. The haunting sound of her voice echoed through my head once more.

A deep urge to make things right knotted my stomach. My pride collapsed, understanding that I pushed her too far. The whirlwind of emotions kept me up all night as I tried to figure out how to fix this.

We had no idea she’d left until we went searching for her. The fiasco of that entire moment was something I didn’t want to think about. I’d let my anger get the best of me, and now here we were. An idea came to mind.

My first phone call was to Marcel to let him know I needed a day alone with Kinsley before he checked in. After assuring him I had only the best of intentions, he relented with explicit instructions to call him immediately if she broke again. Marcus fueled up the car, and I waited patiently for her to emerge from Ivan’s room.

“Kitten,” I called, and her head snapped up. Wariness greeted me, and my stomach sank once more. “I’d like to take you hiking—to spend the day with you alone, just the two of us.”

She twirled a chunk of her hair in her fingers.

“Please, sweetness. Say you’ll come with me. I think it’s exactly what you need after everything.”

My heart hammered inside my chest. If she said no, I didn’t know what I’d do. The unease increased as she remained silent. Finally, as I was about to concede and tell her it was okay, she spoke.

“Where were you thinking?”

“Goldmyer Hot Springs. It’s beautiful and—”

“Impossible to get in if you don’t have a reservation.” She gave me a small smile, and my heart lurched.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got connections. Will you go with me?”

For a moment, I thought she was going to say no. But the bob of her head as she agreed to come filled me with euphoria. “Pack a bag with a change of clothes,” I instructed and then left to inform Ivan and Nik.

The drive was quiet, and I left the serious conversation I wanted to have until we were at the hot springs. She once more made me realize how completely comfortable I was with her. The silence wasn’t awkward, and she closed her eyes and slept.

I parked the car and watched her sleeping peacefully, her profile relaxed. Her pretty little lips were parted, and I sighed. The soft curve of her cheek, the delicate flutter of her eyelashes against her skin—she was utterly beautiful. I reached back into my bag and pulled out my sketchbook to capture her this way, flipping past the one of her in the sexy chemise.

With careful strokes of the charcoal, I captured the contours and shadows that danced across her features. The car cocooned us in warmth, the only sound the whisper of pencil against the paper. As each stroke of my hand imprinted her likeness onto the page, I couldn’t help but realize she had become etched into my heart.

The sun’s rays filtered through the car windows, kissing her cheeks, and she awoke with a soft yawn. It took her a minute to register her surroundings, but her gaze eventually landed on me with a mix of confusion and realization.

“Please don’t move. I’m almost done.”

A blush bloomed across her cheeks as her eyes fell to the sketchbook in my hands. “Were you drawing me again, Reaper?” The question hung in the air, her voice soft and teasing. A sheepish smile formed on my lips as I met her gaze.

---