Page 87 of Doubts & Fears

“You mentioned being watched. Now, for clarification, are you speaking about the regular who was coming into your work or the Kings?”

“The first.”

“How do you feel about knowing someone was watching you?”

“Originally, I was creeped out. Then later, I don’t know. I guess better, knowing he couldn’t hurt me. Then, more recently, I wonder who hired him and what he was planning. I hate not knowing. I’m so conflicted. If I knew, then I could prepare myself for it, you know? I know the advice on preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, but I’ve never known that to be true. But maybe in this situation, it would be different.”

“What do you mean by you’ve never known that advice to be true?”

“For me, losing the security of my parents and their love was a worst-case scenario. I lost Pasha and now Owen. It hasn’t gotten any easier for me, no matter how prepared my heart is. I know that one day, probably sooner rather than later, I’ll lose…someone again. It’s inevitable.” She stopped talking. I hoped she would continue, but she didn’t.

“When we have a loss in our lives, especially at such a young age, it alters the ways in which we connect with others. Tell me, do you feel you have a hard time connecting with other people? Or do you feel you become connected to people too quickly, almost like throwing caution to the wind?”

“Are you implying that I’m getting attached to your friends and throwing caution to the wind?”

“I’m just asking questions. I know it may seem like I’m implying things with them. However, it’s my goal to get you to answer the questions truthfully so that you will have a better understanding of your own feelings.”

She said nothing once more. I waited, giving her space, and she finally sighed. “Maybe both.”

“Earlier you mentioned being conflicted about not knowing. Have you asked the men to tell you what they know?”

“No, not really.”

“Why not?”

“The very nature of being conflicted, Dr. Marcel. I want to know, but then I don’t.” She gave off a low chuckle before clearing her throat. “Not to mention the package with the coll…”

“Do you have any other insight into who might have sent it?”

The guys had asked me not to talk about the photos. I told them I would refrain, but if it was in her best interests to know, I would have to tell her. But the package was something all of us were eager to get her thoughts on. I was glad she was the one who brought it up, but I frowned when she gave me her answer.

“No, I have no idea who might want to send me something like that.”

Once again, her voice betrayed her. She was lying. If she knew who it was, why keep it a secret? I wanted to demand answers and call her out on the lie, but it wouldn’t serve the end goal.

“I’m curious about your reaction to the package.”

“You were there for my reaction. Next question, please?” Her tone was unmistakable. She wasn’t ready to discuss it.

Not willing to risk losing her this early in the game, I switched topics. “Tell me, do you feel you can trust Alek, Nik, and Ivan?”

“Yes, on many levels, I do.” She breathed a sigh of relief. I wanted to chuckle but refrained.

“But on some levels, you don’t?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Do I have to?”

“You don’t have to do anything, but I think it would be helpful if you did.” I waited patiently once more for her to answer.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” she said.

“If you will permit me, then, maybe we can delve into it a bit more? What do you say?”

“Okay.” She brightened once more, making me smile. She didn’t seem to mind talking about the guys.

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