Page 5 of Doubts & Fears

I looked down at the T-shirt I was wearing and knew instantly it was Nik’s. But not the one I’d put on last night—the fire. It all came rushing back.

What had I done? Well, for starters, you stood like an idiot and watched the most important piece of paper you had ever owned go up in flames.

It was gone. Inside that envelope was everything Owen wanted me to know about him, my life, and all the questions I ever needed answers to. Things that would change my life forever. He put it together in a nice, condensed letter. Now I’d never know.

When the flames reached the duffle bag, I almost passed out. But then I remembered my bears and blade. My attempts to save them were for nothing because I’d failed. The bone-crushing reality of losing the bears hit me, and I crumbled to the floor.

A deep, searing ache exploded in my chest, and a hollow feeling returned with a familiar pain. It was as if the wounds of losing my season sisters had been torn open. The memories I’d created with them—gone. Tears coursed down my cheeks.

I only then noticed it was dark in the room. How long had I slept? And what time was it? Seeing my phone on the nightstand table, I was bombarded by memories from the night of the fire. I had to crawl my way to the hatch doorto escape the all-consuming flames. I found my phone along the way and only managed to grab it at the last minute.

The panic returned, leaving me breathless. The package—I had to get out of here. My mind was a whirlwind of chaos. A primal need to protect myself overtook me, and it pushed me toward what I needed to do next. I had to get up to Skagit and make plans.

I checked my phone; it was 9:30 p.m., and the battery showed 45 percent left. I had slept for over thirty hours. Checking my location, I noted the address.

The Uber logo flashed as I opened the app and scheduled a 5 a.m. pickup, then I scrolled over to set my alarm. I put my phone back as the murmur of voices filtered through the closed door. The conversation muffled yet distinct. The Kings.

My heart quickened as I jumped back into bed. I threw the covers over me and willed my heart to stop racing. A soft knock rattled the door, and then it opened a little.

“Kitten?”

“Maybe we should have the doctor come,” Ivan said, his voice sounding worried.

“Shh,” Nik hushed them.

“I’m serious. She’s been sleeping too long. I don’t like it,” he grumbled.

“The two of you need to shut it. We’re going to check on her, and then we wait. She’ll wake up when she’s ready. She must need the rest,” Nik whispered.

Their voices were too close. I played dead, using a technique I had perfected during my stay in hell. I’d taught it to myself because there was a camera in my room, and I didn’t like knowing that someone could be watching. It was my way of coping. I’d disappear inside my head.

Vivid images played behind my closed eyelids as I began going over steps to a particularly hard dance Pasha and I had done. It was a dangerous trapeze act that required absolute concentration, and Pasha used to call out the moves right before we’d execute them.

So by internally focusing, I slipped from the present and became Myshka once more, allowing my body to relax. I didn’t feel them lift the covers. I did, however, feel fingers push my hair back away from my face and tuck it behind my ear. Not Ivan; he had calluses. Who was it?

“She’s too pale,” Alek said. The amount of worry laced in his words pulled at my heart.

“You need to relax, Brother, or I’ll kick you out. It’s dark in here, and news flash, she’s normally pale,” Nik retorted.

“Not when she’s blushing. When is she going to wake up?” Alek asked. “We have questions for her.”

“I swear, she’s not going anywhere. Quit hogging her and move,” Nik said.

I sighed, and Alek gasped in response. Comical sounds of them pushing at each other to get closer reached my ears, and it had me wanting to laugh. I had to roll over or I would have cracked. In doing so, the covers shifted.

Unable to fix it, I lay there with my back to them, feeling the cool air on my ass. Nik’s T-shirt had moved, so I flushed, knowing it was on display. Then I remembered they’d washed me in the shower.

Feeling thankful that they couldn’t see my horrified face, I prayed they wouldn’t touch me. The thought alone made me tremble in fear. I’m not sure which one covered me, but soon I was being tucked in tight, kissed on the forehead, and then left alone.

As I lay in bed the rest of the night, fear crept in, almost preventing me from falling asleep. I must have drifted off, though, as I awoke with a start, my alarm blaring. Fuck. My heart pounded as I fumbled around, silencing it.

Having no idea what time the guys would be awake, I knew I needed to be quiet. They would obviously try to stop me. I wasn’t positive I was going to pull off leaving without them knowing, but I had to try.

Discomfort prickled under my skin from feeling ridiculously naked, wearing only Nik’s T-shirt, but I didn’t have any other choice. It was this or the dirty, soot-covered clothes I’d found in a basket in the bathroom. Using the toothbrush and other toiletries, I quickly freshened up before walking toward the door.

Tentatively, I opened it, not sure what to expect. I knew Aleksandr would have questions. He’d said as much. And if not him, then Nik. But everything was silent as I crept down the hall, infusing me with confidence. Rushing down the set of stairs, I took a chance and went to the right.

I wanted to shout victory as I found and closed the front door behind me. I’d done it. Not a single King stopped me. It was short-lived once I realized their house was completely gated and had high walls surrounding it. Of course they would have a guard too.

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