Page 204 of Doubts & Fears

“Is that what you want, then?” he asked, sounding hurt.

“No, what I really want is to ignore his call, but Alek will get mad. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to have a family meeting tomorrow evening, either,” I sulked, trying to ignore his pained look.

Hearing the hurt in his voice let me know something was wrong with my beloved.

“Can I ask you something?”

My eyes flew to his. Yup. The way he asked gave me a stomachache. “Yes,” I breathed.

“The Gorean slave whip and gag. Those are the two things you’re terrified of, aren’t they?”

His gaze bored into me with an intensity I couldn’t stand. I desperately sought to conceal the trembling fear his question had evoked. But from the look on hisface, I’d failed. Residual flickers of concern shone in his gaze. The subtle furrow of his brow and his beautiful downturned lips told me everything.

“How did you know?”

“Sebastian. He mentioned it to Nik. Well, I guess he mentioned your fear of those items when you discussed hard and soft limits with him.”

“Of course he did. Why I feel like I can trust that man is beyond me,” I fumed, my face growing red.

“Youcantrust him, but more importantly, you can trustme. It hurts that you told him. It bothers me you discussed hard and soft limits withhim.” His confession broke me.

“It wasn’t like that. When you asked for a list, I freaked out. I figured he would let me know if I needed to list it. I was thinking maybe it wouldn’t come up, but I know Allison calls all of you Master. Knowing that Alek was working with her on limits, I was trying to get clarification. I didn’t know if that was something he was into.” I dropped my gaze, feeling exhausted. “God, I hate this.”

“Hate what, Kinsley? What we practice? Who we are?”

“Never, that isn’t what I meant.”

“Look, I care about you. I want to know everything about you. I’ll share you with my brothers. I love them enough to do so. But I have to know that you trustme, that between the four of us, there’s a level of honesty. Why couldn’t you tell me what your fears were?”

“Because, Ivan, you’re supposed to help me overcome them. How would you help me with that?”

“Kinsley.”

My phone rang, but I dismissed the call, sending it to voicemail.

“No, Ivan, really, how? Would you have taken me into the playroom, brought out the ball gag and whip and beat me with it? How on earth would you help me with that fear? Out of all my Kings, you’re the gentlest with me.”

My phone rang again. I silenced it.

His voice rose in anger and frustration. “Hell no, I wouldn’t have used them on you. Are you crazy? I would have asked you about your fear. I’d like to ask you about it now, but something tells me it would be another one of your many hidden secrets.”

He raked his hands through his hair before continuing. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that you were once gagged and beaten. I guess the only questions left would be why, by whom, and how often?”

My phone rang a third time. I glanced at it. “Those are Marcel questions, and since he’s not going to stop calling, I guess I better get this over with.”

As the words left my mouth, I realized how stupid they were. How painful. I made the mistake of looking at him. His expression confirmed it. The devastation was gut wrenching enough, but his words were like jagged shards of glass cutting into my heart. The ringing stopped just long enough for me to catch it all.

“Marcel questions?” he asked, his voice barely audible. “Wow, even he outranks me?”

The betrayal in his eyes was too much. His broad shoulders sagged under the weight of my foolishness.When would I learn? I just wounded him. The man who had my back, who was my rock. In the space of a minute, I shattered him. My phone rang again.

“I swear, Marcel, you’re worse than a mother hen,” I answered, turning away.

“You and I are having a come to Jesus meeting. Today. Now, I want your ass in your room on-screen in five minutes,” Marcel hissed.

“Yes, Sir, but I really resent your tone.” I promptly took my ass to my room and obeyed him.

“And I couldn’t care less what you resent, young lady. I resent the fact that you’re withholding things from me, important things.”

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