Quest and Dodge stood frozen. They had never seen Salem be anything less than controlled.
“Why did I do this?” He tore at the buttons on his shirt, as if he needed to rip something to pieces on his way out of his tux. “I knew better. Three fucking years. I’ve always known how this would end. You two have each other. You always will. I don’t. It’s just me and it’ll always be just me until the day I die. I was okay. I had accepted that. Then I let thisthing tempt me over the edge and now I can hear the goddamn clock ticking.”
Dodge looked his way. He looked as devastated as Quest felt. Salem was melting down, and they were useless in the face of it.
“It’s only a matter of time before I watch you two realize I’m in the way. I’m just the third wheel in what should be a two-man operation. I fucking knew that, and I still fucked everything up.” Salem focused on them and Quest nearly took a step back at the pain he saw in Salem. “I was okay. We were happy.” Tears fell from his lashes. “Now I’ll be alone againsoon. Why did I do that?”
Dodge wrapped his arms around Salem again. Quest quickly jumped in to hold them. This time, Salem stayed lifeless in their hold. It was like he had let go of control for a single minute and it had broken him. Quest didn’t know how to fix it. He never knew how to fix anything.
“My mom’s death wasn’t an accident.”
Quest’s eyes fell closed at Dodge’s quietly spoken confession. “Please don’t.” Quest couldn’t watch Dodge tear himself open too.
Dodge took a breath so ragged and loud, it soundedlike it came through a bullhorn. “I have to. He thinks he’s alone.”
Quest set his forehead on Salem’s shoulder and wished to go deaf.
“Women can be predators too.”
“You don’t have to do this.” Salem’s voice sounded dead.
“Yes, I do. I knew as soon as you got here. You have that same look in your eyes—like you’ve seen more than anyone should. My mom wanted nothing more than she wanted a rich man, and I was her ticket. I was pretty, and she kept me that way. She had me distracting wives while she slipped into their husband’s beds, doing her best to steal them. JD, well, I don’t thinkhe ever really fell for her bullshit, but she was way younger than him and beautiful. Thankfully, he didn’t have a wife for me to play with.”
“What he had was a son who saw right through her.” Quest spoke his greatest shame and chose to take whatever punishment Salem doled. “So, of course, she had to keep me busy.”
Dodge took another painful-sounding breath. “Except, this time, it was real. I had never had anyone look at me like Quest—like I was more than a toy.”
“I definitely went for all the flirtation, but I wanted more than hisbody.” Quest couldn’t stop adding his side, helping Dodge through exposing the worst of his life.
“So, one night, I told Quest everything. I needed him to know I loved him for real. My biggest fear was him finding out the truth one day and hating me. Mom loved to blackmail me by promising to tell. It was like walking toward my judgment day. I was terrified of losing the only love I had ever known. Like you, it didn’t feel like I deserved to have it, so I was doomed to lose.”
“But I went straight to JD.” Quest still didn’t know if he had done the right thing. They could’ve run away together. Therewere dozens of choices he could have made, but he had always trusted JD with every big decision. That night had been no different.
“She was dead the next day.” Dodge held Quest’s stare as he said the words and a weight lifted from Quest’s shoulders. He had always wondered if Dodge hated him for telling. Now he knew. He saw the relief in Dodge.
“You know the state took me from abusive parents and placed me with my grandfather. That was true.” Salem still sounded dead. “What you don’t know is he died a year later, and I couldn’t go back to Louisiana. I couldn’t goback to…” Salem cleared his throat. He was stiff as a statue in their arms, but he talked, and that felt like progress. “I took all the money I could find in the house and sold everything of his I could. Then I disappeared. His body was still in bed, where he died peacefully, when I walked out the door and didn’t look back. I knew if I told anyone, my next stop might be hell. So I just slipped away. It didn’t take me long to realize I could charm old men. It started small, a little money for an hour here or there. A lot of money for overnight. No one cared I was barely fourteen. In fact, they liked that. I got bolder, older, and smarter. I found more and more ways to support myself. Then I met Tarek, and he made me want more. He made me want a normal life with a home and friends. He was my age and didn’t judge me. When I found out about his awful parents, I helped him escape. Then JD came along, and I swear he saw right through me and liked me anyway. I know no one believes me, but I loved him. It was an odd sort of fucked-up love, but I finally had exactly what I wanted. He had two amazing sons and a beautiful home. I got to cook and play house—like I was a real person and not just the shell I left behind in Louisiana. Then he died and I don’t know. You two became my whole life and I don’t know how to lose this. I’m not sure Ican survive it.”
Quest wanted so fucking badly to squeeze the hurt from Salem. He needed Salem to see how real they were, but he didn’t know how. Quest just opened his mouth and words fell out. “Do you know why I chose to stay with JD when he divorced my mom?”
A humorless laugh burst from Salem. “I’ve met her. I understand.”
Despite everything, Quest smiled. He heard the hint of life returning to Salem. “It’s because I had never been loved before JD. For once, and for real, I had a parent who wanted me. He was already elderly when he married Mom but he acted like a man half his age. He acted like a dad. While Mom was out spending his money, hewas taking me to football games and for ice cream. To this day, I’m a thousand percent positive he married my mom and Dodge’s because he wanted their sons. He was willing to look like he got used up by gold diggers just to have the sons he never could. But you, I think he married you because you were the one who made him wish and dream. You gave him a normal life—like the spouse he truly wanted for himself. For the last few months of his life, you gave him something he couldn’t buy. No matter how much anyone thinks you were bought. We know better.”
Quest pulled away and forced Salem to look athim. His nose and eyes were red. He looked like he had been crying all night. Salem looked vulnerable in a way Quest hadn’t seen or expected before tonight. “Not one time have I felt guilty for falling in love with you because I knew JD better than anyone. There’s nothing he would’ve wanted more than our happiness.” He led Salem to the bed and sat, pulling Salem down with him.
Dodge joined them. “We love you. For real.” Dodge sounded desperate to make Salem believe. “This isn’t a game of us and you. The three of us are like one soul or something. I can’t explain it. We just fit together, and I know you know that. JD found us and brought us together. I won’t… Ican’twalk away from us. You two are all that keeps me here. On this planet. Otherwise, I don’t know how to live inside this head alone. Trust me, I’ve had all the therapy and done all the drugs. This is the only place I find peace.” He paused. A look of pure devastation touched his features. “But forget I said all that. I won’t emotionally blackmail you into loving me the way I need. You can walk away from me if that’s what it takes for you to survive. I love you enough to let you go. I love you more than I do me.”
Quest couldn’t stop switching his gaze between the pair. Dodge was reaching him. Quest watched the steel slowlyreturn to Salem’s spine.
“Don’t ever say that shit to me again. How dare you think I’d ever feel manipulated by you or leave you?” He looked Quest’s way. “Either of you. No matter what, you’re the best parts of me, and I won’t stop trying to be better.”
Quest loved him so fucking much. Salem was the strongest person he knew. He should have known Salem wouldn’t stay down for long. The fight returned to eyes a little more by the second. Air finally fully filled his lungs. They were okay. Maybe they were all a little broken, but they sealed each other’s cracks and made each other whole. One drunk asshole couldn’t break them. Nothing could.
The way Dodge shook inside hadn’t happened in years. He was on the edge of a full-blown panic attack, but it was worth it to make Salem see they were all together for a reason. This wasn’t some flighty love or fun times. They had a bond no one else could understand. It had just been a long time coming for them to talk about it.
Salem stood and peeled off his shirt. When he went to work on his pants, his eyebrowsrose. “Well. Why am I the only one stripping? I want to snuggle with my babies.”
They didn’t hesitate to fly to their feet and strip. Dodge needed exactly what Salem offered: a puddle of cuddles. He felt gross and on edge after talking about his mom. Dodge had a ton of mixed feelings. Back when he had been seduced by his very first older woman, Dodge had been old enough to know better and thought it was amazing. He was special. Women couldn’t keep their hands off him. He was sexy and irresistible, so age didn’t matter. In his heart, he knew his mom hadn’t truly thought she did anything wrong with him. After all, men can’t be victims. That wasbullshit. The older he had gotten, the more he realized how wrong everything felt. He became suicidal and the self-hatred had been deep.