Page 11 of Fighting Fate
Something shattered inside Baylor. He heard the pieces fall inside his head like a broken mirror slipping from its frame. What did it matter? There was nothing left of him to take.
Baylor rolled. His mouth found Chipper’s. Chipper’s hands stayed polite. His kiss was disrespectful as hell. If Baylor had any strength to stop before that moment, it vanished with a swipe of Chipper’s tongue. With the slightest push, Baylor was beneath him. There was nothing between them except their thin pajama pants. A random thought hit from nowhere. He had been well enough to sleep in another room for a few days now. Chipper didn’t have to hold him to keep him warm or watch him to keep him alive. Baylor chose Chipper’s bed. It was a huge betrayal.
Baylor pushed at Chipper’s chest. Panic threatened to choke the life from him.
Chipper immediately rolled away, giving him space. “Are you okay? I shouldn’t have pawed at you while you’re still sick. I’m so sorry.”
Baylor sucked air, fighting the anxiety attack. It wasn’t Chipper’s fault. He couldn’t let such a great guy think he had done anything wrong. “You’re fine. Sorry.” He took a few more breaths. His teeth started to chatter. He hadn’t gotten this bad in months. “Sorry,” he said again.
“Stop apologizing and tell me what’s wrong.” He rubbed Baylor’s arms. He looked so worried. Baylor didn’t know how to say any of the words he needed to say.
“I just need a minute.” He rolled from the bed and headed for the bathroom. In the safety of the locked bathroom, Baylor gripped the edge of the sink. He couldn’t look at his reflection. If he caught sight of the pain in his eyes, it would be real. He couldn’t survive it being real. His panicked gaze shot around the room. He had to get out. Baylor had to get away before he destroyed an amazing man. Chipper didn’t deserve this.
His gaze landed on the door that led to the next bedroom. He didn’t hesitate. Baylor had to be fast. Baylor turned the water on in the sink to cover the sound of his leaving and darted for the door. All the years of sneaking out of the house as a teen came to his rescue now. Once he was down the hall, he was home free. His phone was on the kitchen counter and his shoes were by the door. Baylor didn’t need anything else. Everything else was replaceable. He shot out the back door and was down the street before he took a full breath. Too late, he realized he had left his wallet behind. Baylor sat on the curb and covered his eyes. The tears came. Sobs racked his body. He didn’t even understand himself. How could he explain anything to Chipper? There were some truths that could never be repeated.
Just as he somehow knew he would, Chipper appeared from nowhere. He looked stoic and way too fucking understanding. With the smallest effort, he scooped Baylor from the ground and headed back inside. He didn’t question Baylor or lecture him. Chipper simply took off Baylor’s shoes and put him back to bed. When he walked away, Baylor fought the urge to beg him not to go. But Chipper was back in no time, the way he always was. He brought a warm washcloth and cleaned Baylor’s face. Afterward, he climbed back into bed and went back to holding Baylor.
He kissed Baylor’s temple. “Close your eyes. I’ll get you home to Bandit tomorrow.”
For a long while, Baylor stared at the ceiling. As always, the anger and bitterness set in. Life was so goddamn unfair. Chipper deserved better than the broken man he held.
There wasn’t a chance in hell Chipper would sleep after that. He had no clue what happened, but he would find out. When Chipper had a goal, he was like a dog with a bone. He didn’t give up and the mystery of Baylor had him in its grip. Part of him wondered if Baylor was in love with Bandit. They were best friends, but they didn’t seem inseparable or anything. Bandit wasn’t here taking care of Baylor. But Chipper had a bad feeling, whatever was happening, Baylor needed Bandit more than him. He had a soccer ball tattooed on his back, for fuck’s sake. Chipper couldn’t compete with whatever they had.
“I’d like to try again.”
The quietly spoken words shocked the hell out of Chipper. His determination had Chipper’s brain completely switching gears. Had someone hurt Baylor? It was one explanation that fit his behavior. If so, he put a hell of a lot of trust in Chipper. Chipper had a lot of self-control. He could pull out all the stops to make Baylor comfortable.
“If that’s what you want.” Chipper made no move to touch him. “You’re in charge, though. That way, you can stop anywhere you like. Don’t worry about me. I can take a lot of abuse.”
A weak chuckle burst from Baylor like a huff. “Abuse? I suppose that’s fair.” He rolled Chipper’s way. His fingers skimmed Chipper’s stomach. “From the first time we met, I guess I’ve been a little difficult.”
“Apparently, I like my men a little mean.”
Baylor pinched him.
Chipper rubbed the spot like it hurt, even though it didn’t. “See? Abuse.”
“You’re right.” He kissed the place he pinched. His lips lingered. Chipper hoped like hell he hadn’t been lying to himself about that control. He wanted Baylor more than he had ever wanted anyone.
“I take it back. You’re passionate.”
He felt Baylor smile against his skin. “That’s better.” His mouth moved to Chipper’s collarbone. “You’re beautiful. I know you know that, but it’s from the inside out.”
Chipper smiled. “I don’t know how to feel. You complimented me and called me conceited at the same time.”
“Not conceited.” He licked Chipper’s neck, making him pant. “Confident. Don’t worry. Confidence is sexy. Your eyes are amazing. They’re almost at odds with the rest of you. They’re soft and sweet with the most gorgeous lashes. But the eyes are the window to the soul, or so they say. With you, it’s true.”
Fuck. He got the feeling Baylor needed to keep talking to stay grounded, but Chipper never expected Baylor to make him feel like this. Like he was special. “You have beautiful eyes too. That’s the first thing I noticed about you. Your gorgeous eyes flashed with fire and so much annoyance when we met.”
He felt more than heard Baylor chuckle against his skin. Baylor’s hand slipped inside Chipper’s pants unexpectedly. Chipper prayed for strength. Baylor lightly stroked him before pushing Chipper’s pants down. Chipper lifted just enough to make Baylor’s job easier. His skin was on fire. He still didn’t know if this would go anywhere. Chipper feared for his sanity.
Baylor sucked his neck. “If I start crying again, please don’t think it has anything to do with you. I’m trying really hard to find my way, but I don’t want to stop.”
Yeah. He was going to die. Chipper had never been so aware of anyone’s touch. “If you need to stop, I’ll be okay.” Chipper was pretty sure that was the biggest lie he had ever told.
“I know you want me to be in charge, but I don’t know where anything is—like condoms or whatever.”
Damn. Chipper would have to get involved, and he worried Baylor would stop touching him again the moment he became the aggressor in any way. “Tell me what you want. Step by step, so I don’t go too far.”
