Page 25 of Fighting Fate
He kissed the top of Baylor’s head. Chipper kind of regretted saying anything at the arena. He knew Baylor had anxiety.
“I’m sorry.” He led Baylor to the couch. Rather than sit next to him, he towed Baylor into his lap. He took a deep breath once they were settled. “I think I’m done.”
Baylor’s every muscle froze. “You told me not to worry!”
Chipper realized how he sounded and rushed to fix it. “With fighting, baby. I think tonight was my last bout.”
Baylor didn’t relax much. He looked one part horrified and three parts like he didn’t know what to say. “Why?”
Chipper’s shoulders relaxed at the question. For whatever reason, when Baylor questioned him, Chipper felt safe to pour out his heart. He had never had this—a real place to land. “In a way, it goes back to what we talked about that night when you were in the tub. For a while now, I’ve stressed hard over failing and what I would do when I did. Tonight, when I realized I’d won, it also hit me why it scared me so badly to lose. Until now, I’ve literally had nothing else that mattered to me. I’ve kept going because it’s not like I had a life to come home to. MMA is the only family I’ve had since my mom passed. I’ve been exhausted for a long time, but I didn’t know how to quit just to spend the rest of my life alone.”
Chipper brightened. He never stayed sad for long and he held Baylor. That made it twice as hard to feel down. “But the moment I turned and saw you, waiting and cheering for me, I knew I could stop. I have something better at home.”
Baylor’s eyes were filled with tears.
Chipper panicked a bit. “Was I wrong? I guess I shouldn’t have assumed.”
Baylor kissed him, cutting off the anxiety-filled flow of words. He gently held Chipper’s face. He may as well have had Chipper in a headlock. Chipper couldn’t move. Baylor’s tongue brushed his in the sweetest of motions. Chipper’s heart soared through the roof.
Baylor pulled away and brushed noses with him. “I love you. God knows, it’s probably crazy, but I do. Being with you is healing me in ways I never thought could happen. If I’m doing the same for you in some small way, then thank God I’m not alone.” He touched his forehead to Chipper’s and took a deep breath. It sounded ragged. “I know this isn’t the time to do or say this, but I have to leave town for a couple of days tomorrow.”
Chipper jerked backward. “Why? Can it wait for one day? I have to do a few interviews tomorrow, but the next day, I could go with you anywhere.” That would be one benefit of retiring. There was no reason he couldn’t always travel with Baylor.
“Just trust me this one time. This is something I need to do alone.”
Damn. When Baylor put it like that, he couldn’t balk too much. “But I’ll miss you.” He knew he sounded childish. Chipper didn’t care. He had made this huge life decision, and he wanted Baylor at his side.
“I’m sorry. If this wasn’t important to me, I’d never do this to you. I promise it’ll be the last time we’re apart.”
Chipper pressed his forehead against Baylor’s again and nodded, squishing foreheads with him. “Okay.” He sounded exactly like a petulant child.
“Tonight, I plan to suck your dick.”
Chipper immediately brightened. “Okay.”
Baylor stood and took Chipper’s hand. Chipper followed him down the hall with his heart in his throat. Maybe he didn’t show it, but loving Baylor scared the shit out of him. He was hyper aware he might never measure up to Freddie. Chipper wanted them to have their own version of a happy life. Freddie was the one thing Chipper worried would keep that from happening. He didn’t know how to lose this.
Chapter Ten
Theplaneridewasrough as hell. Baylor held himself together by sheer will alone. Since he rented a car for the last leg of his journey, Baylor was free to fall apart a little. Chipper planned to retire to be with him. He knew that wasn’t the whole of it, but their relationship had been the thing that tipped the scales. Chipper planned to officially give their relationship his all. He deserved the same energy. Baylor didn’t know how to do that if he couldn’t make peace with the past. That was why Baylor had to try.
He sat in his rental, staring at nothing for much longer than necessary. Only the knowledge he had to do this made him step from the car. It was the first time since their funeral that Baylor had come here, but he still knew exactly where to find their graves among the countless headstones. Bandit had paid to put a concrete bench next to them. Baylor guessed Bandit thought he was braver than he was and would visit all the time. This place was his personal hell. He didn’t want to be here.
Still, Baylor found the bench and sat. Despite his best efforts, his gaze wouldn’t meet his babies’ names carved forever in stone. Baylor blew out a breath. He wasn’t sure he would ever stop feeling like he would die. The pain was that big. But he truly had fallen in love again with a good man who deserved to have as much of him as possible.
“God, I miss you. You were so easy to talk to. Before I met you, I don’t think I’d ever taken a full breath. I walked on the eggshells of a terrible childhood. You were everything I’d never known. You gave me a beautiful child.” Baylor’s voice shook. He had to take a few breaths before trying again. “Losing you two just proved every belief I ever had that I didn’t deserve love, but now there’s this guy.” An unexpected bark of laughter burst from him. “I guess you know that, though.” Baylor swiped the tears from his cheeks. “Did you do this?” He whispered the question, feeling crazy. “Did you send him to me? You two are so much alike. He’s big and goofy as hell. I guess you knew that too since you two have met.” Baylor sat in silence for a moment, trying to find the words he needed so badly to say before starting again. “There will never come a day when I don’t miss you both.” Another shaky breath escaped him. “But I have to move on before this hole in my chest kills me. I’m pretty sure it almost happened not that long ago, but Chipper pulled me away from the edge. Now I can’t stop thinking about how he’s where I belong now.” He leaned over, getting close to Freddie’s grave. Baylor lowered his voice to a whisper again. “You know me. I’m about to do something really crazy that’ll make everyone question my sanity. But following my heart gave me the best years of my life with you two. Now I have to see if I can create a few more.” He kissed his fingers and touched the ground. “I love you guys.”
Baylor walked away. He still had a few things he wanted to do while he was in town before he flew home. Home. He hadn’t had one of those in a long time. Chipper had given that back to him. Baylor had to do the same for him. He just didn’t know yet if he could
Baylor drove aimlessly for a while, trying to decide if he felt better or worse. Finally, he stopped at a tiny cafe Freddie would take him to when they were in town. They didn’t have a huge menu, but Baylor ordered something. He was beginning to learn his triggers for flare-ups and not eating was one. Baylor didn’t want to feel any worse than he already did. As he waited for the order, Baylor sat in a booth and went back to staring after nothing. His mind raced too hard for him to keep up.
“Baylor!”
Baylor turned his head at the sound of the child’s voice in just enough time to have a body launched at him. A smile exploded across his face as Rhorey’s tiny arms wrapped around his neck. “Oh. Hey, sweetie. Where did you come from?”
“Rhorey. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. You must remind him of someone.”
Rhorey took up the spot next to him, obviously having no interest in leaving.
