Page 42 of The Wolf She Shouldn't Desire
Silence fills the air between us again, and again, we stare at each other. This time me in anger and him in that contemplative manner again.
“I didn’t realize that’s how you felt about this, and I am sorry, darling. That was never my intention. I respect you and you making your own choices. I just didn’t want you to get caught up in your head and ignore what I know both of us has been feeling over the past couple of weeks.” He slowly moves closer to me again and places his hands on the sides of my face once more. His hands are rough but warm and tender.
Without breaking eye contact, he touches his forehead to mine and continues talking. “I get why you keep fighting it, but I made the choice for me not to ignore it and fight for a chance with you sweetheart,” he whispers. “But if I am crossing the line too much here, tell me and I will stop…But I’m begging you not to.”
I stare into his eyes and see tenderness, determination, and beseechment reflected all at once at me. “No matter what you want Jordan, this could never happen,” I whisper back, staring deeply into his eyes in hopes that he will finally get it through his thick skull.
“Well, we will have to agree to disagree for now sweetheart. All I want to know is if I have gone too far or pushed you too much on it.”
I should lie and tell him yes to get him to drop it, but for some reason just the thought of lying to him has my stomach turning. The concerned look in his eyes as he looks at me waiting for my answer makes the feeling worse. Although it is exasperating that he won’t get it through his head that wecan’t be together no matter what he has been feeling, he hasn’t crossed the line.
“No,” I finally answer him. “You’re irritating but you haven’t crossed a line or pushed too much. You just caught me on a really shitty day. I was more talking about everyone else around me lately.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
I shake my head slightly without breaking contact between our foreheads.
“Okay,” he responds before he moves to bring his lips to my forehead.
My eyes close for the few seconds he holds the kiss to my forehead. Warmth floods through me and tingles radiate from where his lips touch my skin. Faster than I will admit to wanting it to end, he pulls away and takes a couple steps back from me. His gentleness and respect for me not wanting to talk to him about the situation adds another layer of warmth and calm.
“I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a shitty day, and I added to it.”
“You didn’t add to it. You were just unlucky to be on the receiving end of me experiencing a shitty day.”
He chuckles. “I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”
I walk over to a begonia bush blooming with flowers. My fingers caress the petals of the flowers as my mind wanders. A lot of people focus on the positive meaning of flowers but not the negative. Me? The negative meanings always interest me. Begonias in particular mean warning or caution. Interesting right? What is there to be cautious about little begonias?
“So, Eric caught the eye of a human male the other day.”
“What?” I say absently and a bit confused with his choice of topic.
“Yeah, he took one look at Eric and was enamored.”
“Hmm. I didn’t think Eric swung that way.”
“Oh, he doesn’t,” Jordan chuckles. “Eric was shocked. It was his first time being hit on by another male, and he flailed around like a fish out of water trying to figure out how to gently let the guy know he had no interest. Lochlan and Ronan were losing it, almost rolling on the floor with how hard they were laughing.”
The edge of my lips lift slightly in a smirk. “Eric would have made a cute boyfriend.”
Jordan laughs deep and loud. “I’ll tell him you said that, you know.”
I turn slightly towards him and smile mischievously at him. “I have no doubt.”
Turning back to the begonia bush, I start plucking dead petals and leaves off. I realize what he just did there as I pick more and more dead foliage off. He turned my shitty mood into a slightly better one. The realization makes my heart clench and the tension I didn’t realize I was holding in my body releases. Only Danny or the Fab Four have ever done something similar.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Jordan says nothing and has me questioning if he left while my back was turned. I turn around, expecting to find myself alone but find him standing with his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans and a soft smile gracing his face.
“For what?” he asks with a cocky tone.
“You know what, Jordan. Take the thank you and don’t be an ass about it.”
He chuckles. “Anytime, darling.”
“Mhm,” is all I say before turning back to the begonia bush.
