Page 38 of Star-crossed Betas

“I was having dinner at my mums’ house last night, and your dad turned up. They got into an argument over there not being a wedding date set yet, and he told me we have until the end of this week to pick a date and that the date we choose better be ina year ending twenty-one...” Will stares into his wine glass as he talks, and I take a large gulp of my lager.

If my da’s demanding this all of a sudden, it has to be because the pack is broke. Will’s parents promised him a lot of money, but most of it only after Will and I tie the knot.

“Ignore him; he’s such a prick. We’re only twenty-three. What’s the big rush?” I reply, even though I know there’s no ignoring my da about this anymore; he’s our Alpha, after all.

“Con, I think we should maybe set a date.” He looks up at me and tugs on his earlobe, which has always been Will’s nervous tell. In fairness, I haven’t always been the most cooperative where these discussions are concerned, so his apprehension is understandable. It still seems pretty fucked up to me that at age sixteen, our parents made this decision for us, and now I’m the arsehole for not wanting to go through with it. Sometimes, I really wish Will would speak up and point out how ridiculous this engagement is so it doesn’t always fall on me.

“We can’t get married just so some money will change hands. Don’t you wanna find your mate one day? Fall in love and build a life with someone?” I ask, desperate for him to put an end to all of this.

“I know you don’t see me that way, but maybe you could? Maybe if we tried and went on a date or something?” He sounds so hopeful, but I feel sick to my stomach. I want to scream out that I already belong to someone else, but I can’t, and my heart aches with it.

“Will, you’re my best mate, but I can’t, okay? I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” I down the last of my drink. “I gotta go. I forgot somethin’ at the workshop. Tell Niamh I’ll call her later.” I don’t even give him a chance to respond before I make my way out of the front door.

When I round the corner of the pub, I end up bent over at the waist, hands resting on my knees as I try to catch a full breath.My throat feels tight and raw, like it’s closing and not enough air can get through to fill my lungs. My chest is tight, and my palms sweat despite the cold temperature. I try to steady my breathing, but every breath is too fast, and too shallow, and not enough. When my vision starts going spotty, I begin to panic even more. Suddenly, two firm hands grip my shoulders.

“Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth for me, okay?” Will’s voice is soft but firm, and I try to do as he says. “Good, now tell me five things you can see.” I try to blink the black spots out of my vision to see what’s around me.

“Um. Your Converse, a glass bottle, graffiti, my hands, the pavement.” I manage to get the words out around my laboured breathing.

“Great, you’re doing good, Con. Now, four things you can touch.”

“My trousers, the wall, the ground… Your hands.” My chest feels less restricted, like the rope that was wrapped around me finally has some slack.

“Three things you can hear.”

“Your voice, traffic, my voice,” I say softly, eventually calming down. “I’m okay now, thank you. Sorry. Fuck. I’m such a mess. You shouldn’t have followed me out here.” Will lets go of my shoulders and moves to lean against the wall next to me.

“Well, I’m glad I followed you out here. I didn’t even know you had anxiety, Con. Have you had panic attacks before?” I can tell he’s trying to hide it, but I can hear the hurt over me keeping this from him. Let's add it to the list of reasons I'm a terrible friend.

“Only in the past year, not many,” I answer quietly.

“Will you come back inside? We don’t have to talk about it,” he offers.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be in in a minute. I just need to make a quick call.” Will seems to consider whether I’m using it as an excuse to make a run for it, but he must see how much I don’t havethe energy to lie to him at present and ultimately nods before heading back inside.

My hands shake as I pull my phone out of my pocket.

“Hey, you’re through to Phoenix Campbell’s voicemail. Leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.”

“Hey Fee. I just needed to hear your voice. Can I see you tonight? I really need to see you. I love you.”

My phone buzzes with an incoming call as soon as I disconnect.

“Hey babe, I was driving and forgot to connect to the car. Everything okay?”I swallow the lump in my throat.

“I really need to see you. Can I see you tonight?”

“Yeah, I can see you tonight. Are you okay though? You don’t sound okay. Where are you?”

“I’m fine, I promise. I’m at the pub having a drink with Will and Niamh.”

“Okay. I’m driving home from work, but I’m free all evening. Text me a time?”

“Yep, will do. Gotta go, Niamh’s just spotted me. I’ll text you. Bye.”

“Okay, love you. Bye.”

“What’s wrong?” Niamh asks the second she reaches me. “And don’t say ‘nothing’.” I let out a deep sigh before answering.

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