Page 66 of Total Shutdown

She shakes her head subtly, blown pupils filled with emotion.

I lean down, taking her left nipple into my mouth. There’s only so far I can push her to open up, and I’m concluding the long game with Collins is the way to winning her heart.

“My body wants to go fast with you, fuck you hard and in all my favorite positions, but my head won’t let me do that.” Her voice is laced with the same level of emotion I saw in her eyes a second earlier, and I pause over her nipple.

When I bring it back between my teeth, she stops me with a finger under my chin. And like I’ve done with her countless times before, she tips it up to look at her.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night, you know. I mean, I tried to forget about it and move on, but deep down, all I wanted was to have you back inside me.”

Even though we aren’t moving anymore, I’m still hard and inside her, and I drop my forehead against hers, closing my eyes. “As someone a little older, let me offer you a few words of geriatric wisdom.”

She snorts a laugh, and my heart beats faster at the sound.

“It’s okay to change your mind about someone or something. What you thought you wanted twelve months ago might not be what you want now. It’s okay to pivot.”

She looks atop my head, running her hands through my hair; the feeling ricochets throughout my body, and goose bumps break out across my skin.

“Is that what you did with me? I know you haven’t been with anyone in a while and haven’t wanted to start anything up since …” She trails off. “Well, since your wife …”

I move beneath her, needing to feel the way her tight pussy clamps around my dick.

Collins breaks out into a delicious shudder, her arousal coating the insides of my thighs.

“Total transparency. I haven’t ever wanted anyone like this. Not the way I want you. I don’t chase after anyone, Collins. I don’t take risks with my or my son’s feelings either.”

I thrust up into her gently, and she whimpers.

“But I believe in what we have. So, yeah, I guess you could say I’m pivoting. I pivoted when I saw you last November, and I’m pivoting again after I initially told you I couldn’t do no-strings sex. I know this is right for me, for you and for Ezra. And I’m willing to wait for you, Collins.”

Her eyes soften further, and again, I can tell she wants to say something but is struggling. I grant her a reprieve and wrap my hands around her hips, swiveling her around into the hot seat position.

“Now take what you want and let me see just how much you enjoy being fucked like this.”

* * *

Right after Itook Collins in her favorite position and she came hard, I emptied myself inside her and pulled her into my chest, settling us under the sheets, and we fell into lazy conversation.

We didn’t talk about us or the nonstop mind-blowing sex we’d just had. Instead, she wanted to talk about Ezra and his love for motorcycles. She wanted to know if he’d ever shown an interest in bikes or if it was new. That was when I confessed I’d been watching her Instagram page too.

Being Collins, she naturally teased me and called me a stalker, but I didn’t miss the way her breath hitched when I owned up to watching every Reel she’d posted since setting up her page.

And that was where we stayed, tangled up in my bed with her head resting on my shoulder—my fingers sifting through her soft hair—until we fell asleep, and I woke a few minutes ago to the sun rising and peeking between the gaps in my blinds.

I’ve gotten further than I did the first night, in that she’s still here, her head in the crook of my arm, one small hand splayed across my stomach.

She didn’t remove her makeup, her eyeliner now way more smeared than it was when she rode me.

When she looks in the mirror and notices, she’ll probably be embarrassed, just like she was a few weeks ago when I crept to my en suite door and I heard the faucet turn on and Collins quietly scolding herself. As I stood there with my ear to the door like a fucking creep, I heard her talk about how she promised herself she wasn’t “going to do this.” By “this” I assumed she meant sleep with me.

I half-wince, half-smile at the memory, hoping this morning’s different. I hope she sees the smears and smudges around her eyes as a testament to the way I rocked her world last night. Collins had asked me to show her what it would be like if she said yes to more with me, and I went all out to give her that.

In a half hour, I need to get up and head for morning skate before we go to Jack and Kendra’s for the party he’s arranged to celebrate her selection for Team USA.

I war with myself. While she’s asleep, I know she’ll stay longer—in my house and in my bed. But if I wake her, there’s a chance she’ll want to leave, though at least I’ll get to speak to her before I have to go.

All I want is to be inside this girl constantly; I need it like I need the air in my lungs. Yet I also want to know everything about her without secretly flicking through a photo album. She’s shown me parts of her, and I know there’s so much more to see. My initial attraction to Collins was manifested in the way she fascinated me, and that feeling has only gotten stronger.

Fuck it.

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