Page 53 of Total Shutdown

It’s been three days since I dropped Collins off at her place and watched as she disappeared inside her building.

I guess I should’ve seen it coming when I asked her on a date. Getting my hopes up for more than a few hours in her company was ill-advised and fucking naive. Not once had she ever led me on or given the impression that she wanted a relationship. Still, all I needed was for her to relinquish even a modicum of control and trust what I knew we both wanted.

When I had started dating Sophie, I was in my early twenties and a little like Archer is now—into parties and various women. I hadn’t expected to find someone special, but then—bam—I met her one night, and we hit it off in a way I’d never experienced. Our conversations were free and easy, and to my surprise, we both wanted the same thing—a relationship and to see where it took us.

A year later, we were married, and my life had done a complete one-eighty in all the best ways. I had a family in Sophie, including Alyssa and Dom.

When Sophie died, I grew bitter toward the concept of love and a happily ever after. The closest I got to witnessing it was through Kendra and Jack. Those two are meant for each other, like fated mates. I guess I always believed there was one person out there for you, a single personality that matched yours perfectly, like unique puzzle pieces slotting together. And if for any reason you were torn apart, that was it. That was your one chance, gone forever.

That November night, I wasn’t looking for anyone. Dating just wasn’t in the cards for me and especially not with a girl who—in any way, shape, or form—was the complete opposite of Sophie.

Collins has repeatedly told me I’m not her type—despite the fact that she finds me attractive. But the truth is, up until last November, she wasn’t mine either.

Until she was.

With her bratty mouth and free-spirited attitude compared to my calm demeanor and family-oriented life, she thinks we’re incompatible and doesn’t believe two people so opposite could work out. Granted, she hasn’t said those words out loud to me, but I can tell that’s where her head’s at.

The truth is we fit together perfectly. We already proved it.

That one kiss confirmed everything. Even if she wants to deny it, she can’t. I havenevershared a kiss like that before. The kind of kiss where you can’t figure out if it’s real or fantasy. The kind of feeling that lasts a lifetime but is over way too soon and you search for the next opportunity to experience it.

When she parted her lips, I felt more in a single stroke of my tongue against hers than I’d thought a brief second in time could offer.

And I know she felt it too.

I told her I was falling because I couldn’t lie, and the moment those words left my mouth, I expected Collins to freak out. I pictured her expressions playing out like a visualization exercise with my sports psych. I saw none of that though—no horror, no panic, not even a flinch—when she let me take her mouth with mine so I could show her just how much I was feeling.

Right now, I should be gutted at her rejection, but I’m not. No-strings sex is the opposite of what I want with Collins and I know that’s not what she wants either.

She asked me if I was going to chase her, and I told her I already was.

Nothing about that statement has changed for me. A fuck-buddy arrangement isn’t going to cut it.

All I need to do is I show her how it could be between us.

And I absolutely fucking will.

I don’t think Collins has ever had a guy put her at the center of his world, and maybe that’s why she’s never felt the pull to stay in one place for longer than a short-term rental agreement.

I want that to change, and I want to be the reason for it. All I have to do is figure out a way to show her that once she drops her anchor somewhere, it’s okay to let it bury itself in the seabed and take root. It’s okay to stand on the shore and watch the tide go out. Sometimes, the biggest waves and the best rides aren’t always the ones taking you out to sea.

“You realize there’s an entire gym full of equipment, right?” Jack strolls over to where I’ve been pounding the treadmill for the past forty minutes.

Deep in my own thoughts, I lost track of time.

I reach out and slow the program to a fast walk, sweat dripping from my forehead and onto the track below.

I don’t reply as I lift my Gatorade from the cupholder, taking a large pull before setting it back down.

“You also realize it’s okay to not wear a shirt when you work out?” He continues talking, inspecting my soaked white Dri-FIT. “Your shirt is pointless since I can already see your nipples.”

The treadmill slows to a cooldown pace, and I draw in a deep breath, concluding I’ve likely gone too hard for what was supposed to be a light conditioning session.

“So, we going to talk about Tuesday night, or are you going to keep us all hanging?” Jack asks right as Archer sidles up beside him, also not wearing a shirt.

With his drink bottle, he points at my chest. “You know that shirt is covering nothing, right?”

I hit Stop on the program and huff out a breath, ripping the shirt over my head in one motion. “Here. Now you have a better view.”

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