Page 40 of Total Shutdown

The kind of different that would make me wonder when he’d do it again.

The kind of different that made me back away at the bar.

“Let me take you out, Collins. I saw the conflict in you last Wednesday. You wanted to leave with me again, and I know, deep down, you want to explore whatever this is.” His voice doesn’t waver on a single word—a sharp contrast to the man who was falling over his sentences a few minutes before.

My head’s spinning the second the request leaves his mouth. “I’m sorry, what?”

A tender smile traces his full lips. “You heard me, Collins. Let me take you out. For food, a movie, a motorcycle show, even for a walk somewhere. All I’m asking is for your undivided attention to be on me, just for a little while.”

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

SAWYER

Other than at the bar last week, this is the closest I’ve been to Collins since I had her in my bed, naked and wrapped around me.

She still smells the same, and the way her chest moves rapidly fills mine with warmth.

I affect her.

I’ve always known that I had some kind of impact on her—the way her skin reacts beneath my touch, the brief flashes of vulnerability, the rise and fall of her chest. Even when she adjusts her collar as my breath tickles her neck.

“What do you say, hmm?” I ask, my face showing way more confidence than I feel.

Collins has said three words since I asked her out, and that was a request for me to repeat what I just said. A little like in the cocktail bar, I know I caught her off guard, and honestly, I like it. She hasn’t had the time to gather herself and manufacture a witty response. The Collins in front of me is real, raw, and … fucking gorgeous.

Aside from the photos from when she was younger, this is the first time I’ve seen Collins without makeup. She’s probably chalked my initial nerves up to the sight of her wearing only a T-shirt—and, yeah, it stopped me in my tracks. Her legs are just as I remember them—shapely and smooth, fair skin I want my tongue to explore all night. Though it’s her natural beauty beneath the shine of a mid-November morning that really stole my breath, ripping it from my lungs as she stood at the entrance to her apartment.

The second I walked into her space, I was reeling, wondering which door her bedroom hid behind. How many guys have had the privilege of seeing her like this—all soft, bare skin and wild hair?

Turning up unannounced was a borderline dick move, but a little like my need to figure out this girl—beyond the flashes of real she shows me—I was powerless to drive straight home after skate. Archer’s advice has been on repeat in my mind since the game against Philly, and now I have to shoot my shot.

The faint murmur of traffic is the only sound we can hear as Collins breaks eye contact, and I catch her chin, bringing her focus back to me. I’m so done with suppressing my urge for this girl, my need for her attention.

I don’t know what this is between us, between her and my son. It’s indescribable and more than I’ve felt in a long while.

“Are we talking, like, a date?” Her eyes reach mine on the final word.

I catch another glimpse of vulnerability as it passes through her. Ordinarily, I’d hate it. The thought of her feeling uncomfortable or exposed stirs a protective alpha feeling within me, one that lay dormant for years. Though, in this moment, I can’t say the look in her eyes is one I don’t welcome. I want her to be torn over spending time with me. I want more than the flat-outnoI frequently hear.

Between my thumb and forefinger, I grip her chin more firmly. “You can call it what you like, Collins. Two friends hanging out or a date. I’ll take whatever you give me.”

She exhales slowly, chewing on her lip as she ponders a response. “I thought we agreed never again.”

Just hearing her refer to that night pumps blood to my dick. The adrenaline surging through my veins urges me on, daring me to push this a little further. I want to test her, just like she does me.

I lean toward her, a smug grin pulling at my lips. “The only attention I get from you is the same kind you pay everyone else, probably even less. I want something from you that’s just for me, and I gotta be honest, Collins—I think you do too.”

Her head’s spinning out—I can tell. I’ve switched from a guy falling over his words when he arrived to one holding her by the chin while he tells her what he wants.

“I think you’re kidding yourself,” she replies with confidence I know is fake. “I don’t date.”

“You do, Collins. You’re just telling yourself you don’t. It’s all narrative, barriers, and bullshit. Plus, weren’t you meeting a guy that night we first met at Lloyd’s?”

Chin still in my hold, she rolls her eyes. “I met him at a bar with the intention of a hookup. And then I found out he was married and cheating on his wife.” She pauses for a second. “Just your standard asshole guy, I guess.”

“That’s honestly what you think of us, isn’t it? Either asshole or a crap lay—maybe both.”

She shrugs, her trademark response hardening my dick.

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