Page 54 of Tommy

After that, I made the call to Mick and he was surprised to hear that I’d changed my mind. He didn’t need to know why, or all the details around the change, but I had changed my mind and maybe I’d lied a little about the condition of the snow. Tommy was spending Christmas with me.

Time really didn’t stop for anyone, and the longer you tried to live in a moment, the faster time seemed to go. I wishedthat wasn’t the case, but it really was. Time was merciless, it took no prisoners in its rampage of ticking.

The closer it got to Christmas, the more productive and excited Tommy was about his book. June had visited again earlier in the week, dropping off a rather large wrapped box. It made my gift under the tree look like nothing in comparison, although I knew my gift to Tommy was going to light up his world.

One evening as I sat by the tree and he drew on the floor by the fire, he came to me with a piece of paper. He stood in front of me with the biggest smile on his face. “I’ve got something for you,” he said.

“Christmas isn’t for another couple days,” I told him.

“This isn’t for Christmas.”

“Oh?”

He pressed the paper to his chest. “Do you want to see?”

“I’m a little nervous to see it. You said it was going to be a spoiler last week.”

“No, no, no, this is different,” he said. “This isn’t a Christmas present, this is anI like youpresent.”

Caught off guard with his admission, an obvious admission given how much we were going out of our way to spend the holidays with each other, but still, I was caught off by it. “Oh.”

“Do you want it?” he asked.

“Please.”

“Not even a pretty please?” he giggled.

“You know it doesn’t have to be pretty.”

He turned the paper and on it, a drawing in detail of the two of us. We were together, embraced, there was a Santa hat on my head, which was a choice, and we were both biting into the same candy cane. I welled up looking at it, my eyes obviously glossy in the colorful flickering lights on the tree.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“I absolutely love it.”

“It’s not a picture for the fridge or anything, but something you can have in your room maybe.” He shrugged and handed it over to me.

“Are you kidding? This is absolutely going on the fridge, and I’ll use that magnet you got me.”

He giggled. “You mean the magnet that looks like every other magnet on the fridge?”

“The very one.”

I never had anything to put on the fridge door. June and Sully would if they came by and they wanted to let me know they’d taken eggs or something, but it wasn’t used for art, at least not by me.

“It might actually suit a frame better,” I said, straightening it out from where he’d creased it against his chest. “I think I can find something somewhere.”

“Oh no, if you’re going to frame it, I can draw a better one.”

“Nonsense, I’m keeping this one.” And he wasn’t going to take it back ever. I considered myself someone who wasn’t sentimental, but then I was quickly reminded about all my grandma’s recipe cards, and about all the small trinkets I’d kept from everywhere I’d ever been.

He sat on my lap after that and we almost fell asleep together. I’d never fallen asleep on the armchair before, and for good reason, that thing would break your back if you tried resting on it for too long. Tommy, on the other hand, did fall asleep. So, I carried him to bed.

I was going to miss him when he wasn’t here. I think even the barn cats were going to miss him when he wasn’t here. As much as I didn’t want to have my brain twisted and mangled by the ideas and thoughts of him leaving, it was impossible not to.We’d switched spaces mentally, and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to sleep again without him by my side. It had been a wile since this type of anxiety was rife through me, not since I was a kid searching for work and being forced to prove myself amongst all the cowboys with decades of experience.

Turning to him in bed, his sleepy face in mine.

“I think I love you,” I whispered and gave his forehead a kiss.

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