Page 50 of Tommy

I’d learned so much about staying warm in the last week. New York got real cold in winter, so I wasn’t completely unaware, but during those months I would mentally check out, like I had done the last couple of months while I was dealing with burn out.

I also liked being agood boyin Daddy’s eyes as well, and if I could be called that from taking care of the chickens and goats, I would absolutely take it. The horses and cats weren’t on my list of animals I wanted to be around, two different sized animals, but both just as scary. Horses could kick and bite, and cats, well, they just had a judgement in their eyes that I couldn’t shake. They judged the way I milked the goats and picked the eggs—I knew that’s what they were doing.

Days and nights blended together with Daddy, he had a calendar up in the kitchen and before he’d gotten to really know me, he’d included my departure date on it. It was still over a week away, but seeing those daily crosses build up toward it knotted my stomach. I didn’t want to think about leaving.

Each day was the same, but the sameness of each of those days was so unique that even if they appeared like a Groundhog Day to some people, I appreciated them. The way Hardin made breakfast to suit me, coffee and hot cocoas. He made space for me in his space and life. There was nothing more special than that, considering he hadn’t wanted me in it to start with.

One evening, as I was sat in front of the fire drawing in the light of the flickering flames and Hardin was in the arm chair, reading the third book in my series now, I had to say something to him.

“Where do you see this going?” I asked out of the blue.

“Sorry?”

I repeated myself and he tilted his head.

“The book? You haven’t shown me any of the pages, so I don’t know. But they look great,” he said.

“No, I mean,us.”

Immediately, he put the book down and patted his knee. “Come here.”

From my knees, I crawled across to him and hauled myself up onto his lap. “I can’t stop thinking about how there’s only a limited amount of time left where we’ll get to spend together.”

“If you think like that, you’ll work yourself up, and the time we’re spending together won’t feel like we’re spending anytime at all together,” he said, stroking the side of my face. “To answer the question, and I don’t like to answer questions without knowing an answer, but I really don’t know where this is going. But I am here for the ride and journey.”

“So, you want to keep seeing me once I leave?” I asked, placing both of my hands around his face, grabbing hold of his beard hair between my fingers. “You don’t have to say you do, it’s gonna be long distance.” Although it. was only my friends keeping me in New York, and a very expensive apartment I had a lease on for the next six months.

“Distance is only as far as we make it,” he said. “Now, I haven’t been on a plane in about five years. But that’s not because I’m scared of flying, although you’ll have to admit it’s a bit unnatural being up in the air on all of that metal.”

My understanding of his words were,I want to keep seeing you,and I needed clarification. “So, you want to still see me once I have to leave?”

“Of course, I don’t want you to leave at all,” he said. “If I had the choice, which I know I don’t because you have ultimate control over your body. But if I had that control, I would keep you here with me.”

It would’ve helped if someone was to make the decision for me. My agent had decided on this trip, something I definitely wouldn’t have done. “I have a lot of stuff going on back home.”

“Then long distance we will be,” he said, and with his hand on the back of my neck, he pulled my head down to kiss my forehead. “And we can see each other through the year, we will figure it out.”

“And we’re not defining this, I don’t want to move too quick,” I blurted. “We’re just like, seeing each other.”

Hardin nodded. “Just seeing where things go. Although to me, you’re my good boy.”

“And you’re my cowboy Daddy,” I let out all giddy before burying my head into his chest and inhaling his delicious scent. I couldn’t wait to brag about the time I’d had here, or the fact I’d met a real cowboy which definitely existed. I’m sure some of my friends will laugh that I didn’t think cowboys were real.

He squeezed me. “If you want to show me those pages still, I’ll happily read them.”

“No, you can’t, they contain spoilers,” I grumbled against his chest.

After so many volumes of theTeddy Warsbooks, I didn’t want him to get spoiled by the arcs that happened in books he hadn’t read yet, especially not the arc where the Teddy King found out he had a son, the Teddy Prince who was challenging him for the throne, and ultimately, he was unstitched and all his stuffing pulled out. It was a tragic part of the story. He would’ve been spoiled to the fact the Teddy Prince’s consciousness continued to exist within the buttons, fabric, and stuffing that had been taken from him, and now, he was more powerful than ever because of all the other teddies he was used to build.

“I’ll need to get my hands on the rest of your books then,” he said.

“Maybe if you’re good enough, Santa Daddy will get you them for Christmas.”

He hummed. “Considering I am Santa Daddy, I don’t know if I’ll get them in time.”

“Then I suppose I could try and get them for you,” I said, suddenly hit by an idea. I looked at him, both hands on his face I pulled at his cheeks. There was a phone in the house, and I didn’t have access to ordering online, or a deliverable address, but June and Sully did. With only a week left until Christmas, I knew exactly what I was going to do to make Daddy happy. He’d already put a small wrapped box under the tree address to me, so I needed to get him something as well.

“You don’t have to do anything for me,” he said. “Just being here is good enough.”

---