Page 15 of Tommy

It felt like I was in front of a wild animal, suddenly delivering its life story to me and not wanting to make any sudden movement for fear of spooking it. “I can’t even imagine.”

“I got good at what I do, breaking horses in, taming stallions, and my sexuality was an after thought on the ranch owners that I worked for, although I never made any of it public, ever,” his voice turned into a deeper growl the moment before he ate his oats.

“Times have changed now,” I told him. “So, do you—or have you had a serious relationship?”

He glared me down across the table, his stone face told me not to ask. “Listen, kid, I don’t think we’re there yet to start asking me all those questions.”

“Then why did you tell me you were gay?”

“Because I didn’t want you thinking I was acting any type of way because of a phobia,” he said, scooping another lump of porridge. “Because I’m obviously not.”

“Obviously,” I repeated, a thin smile appearing across my line. “Well, thank you for sharing with me anyway.”

“Stays between us though,” he added.

I didn’t know how it would have been to live a life where you had to tell people that your sexuality wasn’t something you could talk about. I knew it was a situation so many people lived with, and my heart went out to all of them.

After breakfast, I put all my layers back on and sat on the sofa to put the boots on. That’s when Hardin came to the front door with a thick pair of gray socks in hand.

“You need proper socks for them,” he said.

“It’s fine, I double up on my socks,” I told him, tugging one side of the sock to show him I had two pairs on.

On a knee in front of me, he felt the sock and sighed. “These are the thinnest socks I’ve ever felt,” he said. “I wouldn’t even let the goats wear these. These are thermal socks. I’ve got more pairs. Put these on.”

“My socks are fine.”

“No, no, no.” He pinched the tip of the socks and pulled them right off my foot. “The feet are an important part of the body. You go out with cold feet, catch frostbite, and kid, you’re in for a world of hurt when you can no longer walk.”

He wasn’t wrong, my feet had been cold. I just thought it was the weather. “You really don’t have to—” I attempted to protest, but as he took over, his warm hands on my feet, followedby the warmth of the socks he pulled up over my ankle, and then the second foot.

“At least now I know you’re not going to get sick,” he said, placing the bundled up thin socks I had been wearing on my lap. “The last thing I need is to be stuck making you soup and nursing you back to health when I have a ranch to run.”

“Understood.”

He grunted, pushing off the ground to stand. “I’ll see you later on this afternoon. Assuming you still want to help exercise the horses,” he said. “If not, that’s fine as well, I was going to be working alone this month anyway.”

Of course, I wanted to help, but the horses scared me. “Sure.” It wasn’t like inspiration had struck lately, and I’d been sat waiting around for it. “I still need to unpack and all of that.”

“Well, you’re one day down, twenty more to go,” he said, glancing to his wristwatch. He probably only did it for effect.

“Thank you for keeping track.”

“It’s nothing, just my job.” He winked, slightly, or blinked oddly. I didn’t know if he was actually winking at me, or I was making things up.

I walked back to my cabin in the warm shoes, wondering if this is how it was always supposed to have been. The cabin was warm and the sled of chopped fire wood was waiting for me. I added a couple more sticks of it to the fire once I was undressed to my t-shirt and underwear. The cabin kept the heat inside, at least while the fire was on.

It shouldn’t have been so new to me, spending time alone, but back home, when I was alone, I had the internet to keep my occupied. I could doomscroll online for hours and it feel like minutes had passed. Here, I didn’t have the internet, and limited access to my devices, I didn’t want to drain the batteries.

Maybe this is why my agent had pushed this on me, rather than a resort somewhere warm when he mentioned avacation. He knew exactly what this place was going to be. And then it hit me, the idea that Mick and Hardin had once been an item, or fling. Mick was married to a man with a kid, so it made some sense that they were contacts through some gay event.

It stayed on my mind while I unpacked my clothes and all the supplies I’d brought with me. A ream of paper, all my pencils and color pens, and half of my collection of comic books. I figured getting reacquainted with the series might help, but I also hated going back over my things in fear of wanting to change everything, from my drawing style to storylines. It had kept me away from them for the longest time, but I didn’t have much choice was I was here. Buried at the bottom of my suitcase, a coloring book and crayons I didn’t mind destroying in little space as my coloring technique was ham-fisted and chaotic.

Little space had been a retreat for me in past years, a space where I could regress into a childlike state of no cares of stress. It was a nice place to visit and have fun, but after it felt like I’d lived there for so long, adult mode was a slog. I was desperate for the little space embrace on me again.

I didn’t know how long I had until Hardin would come over and put me up close and personal with the horses. So, as the anxiety of that swirled around, I climbed into a red and blue star dotted white onesie to seek my little world. The feeling was a glove, fitting perfectly.

In a linen closet, an abundance of blankets. I whipped up a fort with the sofa cushions and dining chairs. It was the perfect space with an open view of the fireplace to let all of it’s glorious heat inside. Laying my duvet and pillows on the ground, I settled in with my coloring book and crayons. It was different to how I usually spent little time because there were no songs, the only music I heard was in my head, but the sound of the crackling fire was also a comfort to hear.

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