Page 90 of Let It Be Me

“Do you think it’s too harsh to cut my parents off?” she asks. “Just stop talking to them for a while?”

“No.”

“Do you think I should?”

“You should if you want to.”

She nods.

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah, I think I do. I don’t want them in my head right now.”

“You don’t need permission.”

She runs her fingers up and down my bicep. “You know, I never would have survived living with them all those years if it wasn’t for you.”

“Hey, don’t try to blame all those screaming matches on me.”

“I mean it. I knew I wasn’t a great daughter, but having you there meant I could believe it wasn’t all my fault. I needed someone there for me, and there was never one minute you weren’t.”

“We did that for each other.”

“I might have had your back a few times in the old days, but you’re still here, right next to me every time I think I can’t take them anymore. Literally right next to me.” She reclines her head to look at me. “I could never have stood up to them tonight if you weren’t there.”

“I’ve watched you fight back against them since our first playdate.”

“Not like tonight. That was the first time I knew I was right and they were wrong. I finally saw there was no winning.”

“Glad my shocked silence was the root of your epiphany.”

She chuckles. “Deny it all you want.” Her eyes roam my face, brimming with affection. “When I’m strong, it’s because of you.”

Something fierce courses through me. I grip the back of her head with my hand and kiss her forehead, hoping my touch can say what words can’t. This is all I’ve ever really wanted—to protect her. Her eyes close contentedly, and she lies against me.

I settle my chin on top of her head and feel her body gradually relax into slow, steady breathing. She’s asleep in my arms. I look down at her in the dark and think,This is what I wasn’t ready for?

I spent so much time telling myself it had to be perfect: Ruby’s life on track, me with a steady career and income—and the stability to support Ruby if settling down didn’t work out so well for her. I thought it all had to be in place before we could be together, but look at us: My future’s totally up in the air, Ruby’s pulling pieces of her life together from every direction, and this is still the best night of my life. I shouldn’t have waited this long.

THIRTY-FIVE

ruby

We havemy dad’s boat back before dawn. In a surprise twist, Lorenzo suggests leaving it unwashed, the kind offuck youthat would really get Richard’s panties in a bunch. But I insist we go through my father’s stupid cleaning checklist, and since my parents spent the night at the hotel, there’s no rush. The idea of being difficult just for the sake of irritating them has lost its appeal.

As the sun comes up, we walk Lakeside in our rumpled clothing, retracing well-worn paths: Central Street with its cheesy gift shops and overabundance of coffee joints, our neighborhood playground, the hulking nature preserve that buffered our high school campus from the lake. I’m reminded, as we tour our childhood, how foundational the feeling of longing once was for me. Longing for my parents’ attention, longing to break free of this town, longing for Lorenzo. Some wishes do come true. It’s bittersweet to overlay those aching memories with this one today, Lorenzo’s arm under my fingers, the feel of his warm gaze on me like he can’t resist looking. Could I have saved myself from all that hurt if I’d stopped trying to run from who I was?

On the far side of the nature preserve, we emerge from the woods onto a pebbled stretch of shoreline and a narrow wooden pier.

“I haven’t been here in years,” I say.

Lorenzo turns to me. “You think it’s still there?”

“What’s still there?”

His eyes widen like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “How do you not remember my first act of vandalism?”

“You?” I scoff. “Never!”

---