Page 86 of Let It Be Me

Richard nods neatly. “No, this is not what we wanted for you. We wanted more, much more.”

For a moment my mind goes blank. Then the heat of anger rushes through me. “But I’m figuring things out. I have a plan, just like you’ve been wanting. What the hell else do you expect?”

My dad pinches the bridge of his nose in a we’ve-been-over-this-a-hundred-times kind of way, but that’s the thing; wehaven’t. I’ve never pulled my life together like this, yet they’re acting like it’s the same old shit Ruby’s always doled out. I look to my mom, hoping she can make it make sense.

She finally puts down the wine menu. “Are you ever going to get it, Ruby? We gave you everything and you’ve made nothing of it. Not one thing that justifies the private school education, the years of tutors and strict schedules, the college tuition that we payin fullbecause you couldn’t be bothered to work for any scholarship.”

My chair screeches loudly as I push away from the table. I feel eyes on me from surrounding tables, but I don’t care. “I’ve made a life. A life I actually like.”

“Fine.” My dad waves a casual hand in the air as though he has a single casual bone in his uptight body. “Enjoy it. But you come here expecting us to be impressed you’ve finally decided to lift a finger? We’re not. I’ve said it already: We wanted more.”

It’s not the sting of his words that silences me; it’s surprise at how true his words ring. Because in spite of what I told myself, I did want to impress them. More than I wanted to be a research chef or get an A or make money, I wanted to impress them.

Anger quickly replaces the hurt. “To answer your question, Mom,no, I’m never going to get it.” I ball up the napkin in my lap, then toss it onto the table. My mom arches an eyebrow, a warning look you might shoot a kid throwing a tantrum, and maybe that’s a fair assessment of my behavior. But I have a feeling this is the last tantrum I’ll ever throw. “I’m never going to get why nothing I do is enough, but you know what I am fucking sure of? I’m done trying.” I stand up and look at Lorenzo. “We’re leaving.” Then I turn for the door.

I know my parents won’t call after me—that would cause a scene, and they’re already mortified by my behavior. But I do expect Lorenzo’s hand on my shoulder at any second, and when it doesn’t come, I turn around.

His hands are flat on the table, and his dark eyes flash with anger as he says something inaudible to my stunned parents. My dad opens his mouth, but Lorenzo won’t allow it. “You’re fucking blind,” he snarls. My mom’s hand flies to her chest, and my father’s eyes widen in disbelief. “You’re blind and you’re shit parents.” He stands up. “Just for once, try opening your eyes and seeing who she is. Maybe you’d love her as much as I do.”

Something ignites inside me, but the heat in my head won’t allow me to savor it. I turn and stride out of the restaurant, too afraid to hear what my parents might say in response. Shame and anger are my fuel, pushing me down the street, one block and then the next. I keep seeing my parents’ faces, replaying their words in an endless, brutal loop. Shame and anger are nothing new to me, butthisis new, this scene where there’s a fire in my belly because I’m proud of myself, and my parents can only sit there dispassionately. It’s not supposed to be that way.

“Ruby!”

I hear my name belatedly, recognizing it only when his hand closes around my arm. I turn to find Lorenzo’s dark eyes anything but dispassionate.

“Ruby.” His breath comes quickly and his forehead shines. He must have run after me. He shrugs his broad shoulders, his eyes so full of understanding. “They’re shit, Ruby.”

His voice makes me want to cry, but I just drape my arms around his neck and let him pull me close. “I thought they’d be happy,” I say in a shaky voice. “I guess, for once, I actually wanted them to be. That’s where I went wrong.”

His arms tighten around me, and the solid warmth of his body is my whole world and everything I need. “No, you were doing what kids are supposed to do. It’s not your fault they won’t do what parents are supposed to.”

He’s right, and the simple truth of it fills me with such hopelessness that the tears finally spill. For a moment he looksso sad I almost expect to see tears in his eyes, too, but his expression turns decisive, and he steers us down the sidewalk, holding me tight to his side. The fierce look in his eyes dares anyone walking by to stare at my crying face and see what happens.

Back in the car, he turns onto the road that takes us toward the lake.

“I want to go back to Shafer,” I tell him. “Where are we going?”

“To our only escape.”

THIRTY-THREE

ruby

The roarof the motor soothes me as we zoom across Lake Foster in my father’s boat, droplets of cold water collecting on our skin as we move ever faster away from land. I’m huddled on the vinyl bench seat at the back, Lorenzo’s suit jacket draped over me against the cool dusk air as I watch him steer us deeper into the lake. I don’t know where we’re going and I like that feeling. Lorenzo is in charge, and nothing could make me feel safer. Now and then he glances over his shoulder at me. His eyes are warm with concern, but his jaw still holds on to the anger from the scene at the restaurant. I love him for that.

And there in the safety of being completely under his care, I replay the words he said to my parents. He’s the only person who sees me completely and loves me completely. And he’s the only one I really need.

When he finally stops the boat, we’re in a remote corner of the lake, far from any signs of people except for the sparkle of lights from the marinas that dot the distant shore. He kills the engine, leaving only the soft sound of music from the Bluetooth speaker, so quiet I can barely hear it.

He slides down next to me on the bench and takes my hands in his, but he doesn’t speak.

“That was humiliating.” My voice cracks.

“For them.”

“No,” I say sharply. “For me. I should have known better than to think they’d be proud of me. I know them.”

“You knew how you felt about yourself before we sat down across from them. You knewyou.” He leans close so I can’t avoid his gaze. “Don’t let them talk you out of what you know.”

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