Page 30 of Falling for the Widowed Prince

"First, I need to apologize."

Her head tilted slightly to one side.

"For what?"

"For getting you into this in the first place." He leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm still not thinking rationallyenough to make coherent decisions in certain parts of my life. While I truly believe being regent is in the best interests of Kinsey and the country as a whole, I wish I'd found another way to go about it."

"Why is that?"

He couldn't read the look on her face. "Because in marrying me, you gave up not only your chance at your dream wedding, but also the romance that goes both before and after it." A smile crossed his face as he thought about the first time he met Caroline. "When you see each other across the room or literally bump into each other on accident." He and Caroline had done both. "The first date, first kiss, proposal, all of those things. I cheated you out of those."

Rather than the inscrutable look, her face softened. "You didn't cheat me out of anything. I've had the first dates and first kisses and meet cutes before. They're not all they're cracked up to be if it's not the right person. Yes, they can be fun, exhilarating even, but without the solid relationship to follow the initial rush of attraction, it doesn't matter."

"You're right," he agreed. "But you're married to me now, for better or worse, until death parts us. That means you won't get the real proposal with an actual ring." She still wore only a simple band, which is how she said she wanted it anyway. "The nights talking on the phone - about anything and everything and nothing - until one of you falls asleep. All of those things. A real wedding." His voice gentled as he tried not to embarrass either of them. "A real wedding night. The discovery of new life on its way. I can give you growing old together, but that's about it."

"You're making some awfully bold assumptions." She pulled the blanket more closely around her, but still looked straight at him. "Who's to say we won't have some, or even most, of those things someday? We may not. We may grow old together as friends, enjoying companionship, laughter, video game nightswhere you always win, and card or board game nights where you never win..."

She made him laugh, something he hadn't expected from this conversation.

"Where we make each other laugh. Raise your children together. Celebrate birthdays and weddings and grandchildren together." She leaned forward, her hand reaching out from under the blanket to settle on his forearm. "And that would be lovely. Much nicer than some relationship based on fleeting attraction that doesn't stand up under the pressures of life."

She squeezed his arm lightly and withdrew back under the blanket. "And it's also possible that, one day, we look at each other and realize that somewhere along the lines, things changed. Maybe we never bring new life into the world, but that doesn't mean we can't have the rest of that. Some day. When you've had time to grieve properly, to mourn, to learn your new role as regent, and so many other things about adjusting to your new reality."

Those were things he hadn't really thought about. "You think that's possible?"

"Of course. There's no guarantee that it will, but I think the first scenario is extremely likely one." One corner of her mouth tipped up in a half-smile. "And we can both choose to be very happy, very content, with that."

In a move that surprised him to his core, Anthony found himself looking at her mouth as she spoke, wondering what it would be like - someday - to kiss her.

He shook himself out of it. It wasn't something he wanted now. It might never be. But it was something that he would think about from time to time, and possibly act on eventually.

“All of that sounds lovely, Maddie." It was the first time he'd used the diminutive of his name to address her outside thepresence of his children. "Can you really be content with that life? With not being a mother?"

"I'll never replace Caroline. I couldn't even begin to try, but that doesn't mean I won't be a mother to your children. I will be, even if I'm not their mother biologically or able to consider adopting them some day." She sounded sincere.

"You really mean that?" Unexpectedly, Anthony felt emotion begin to overwhelm him.

"I do."

It took some doing, but he managed to contain the tears to his eyes. Most of them anyway. "That means the world to me."

She took a breath. "My biggest concern in that regard would be if, God forbid, something happened to you while some of them are still minors. Five years from now, would I be able to retain custody? Would they be moved away from here, from everything they've ever known, and their quasi-adopted parent or would stability be possible? Who would become regent if Catherine isn’t twenty-five yet?”

Another thing that he had never thought about. "I'll find out what we need to do for that to happen, for you to be considered their legal guardian should it be needed."

More of those tears slipped out. Crying hadn't been openly discouraged at his house growing up, but once he met Caroline, he was expected to be stoic. They all were. That needed to change. His sons needed to be able to express emotions like their sisters did.

Madeleine leaned forward and reached for him again. "We'll find a way to make it work, to be content, to be companions and co-parents. To support Catherine and the country to the best of our ability. Really, even if things were to change between us at some point, wouldn't those things be what we ultimately sought anyway?"

He reached over and covered her hand with his. "You make some very good points."

A twinkle in her eye matched the smile she gave him. "That's why you married me. To remind you of the good things."

Since she came into his life, he'd found himself laughing more than he would have thought possible in such a short time span since he became a widower. He felt lighter than he expected, too. It would be a long time before he could settle into a new normal that didn't include hourly pangs of sorrow, but already he'd progressed from sharp pain every minute. Over time, he would continue to progress.

Someday, maybe, he'd be able to look at his life and realize, somewhere along the way, he'd fallen in love with his wife.

What more could he ask for?

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