Page 71 of The Actor: Harrison

I nod. “He did and I understood where the lie came from, but he did the only thing that burned me once and I can’t get over it.”

“Did he cheat on you?” she asks, surprised.

I roll my eyes. “Have you me Harrison? Does he look like someone who would cheat?”

“No, definitely not.” She chuckles. “Well, I don’t know what he did, but I hope you two sort it out, because you have a good thing going and it’s rare to see something like that in Hollywood. You remind me of Roberto Benigni and Nicoletta Braschi.”

“The Oscar winners?” I have been compared to many persons in my life but never to an icon like the Italian actor and director and his wife, actress and producer. They’re like a mythological figure in a world of shallowness like ours.

She nods. “There is something special about those two. They met forty years ago and never left each other. It’s not just about love. Every movie they make, they make together and put a bit of magic in it that only they can make. It’s like a chemical reaction when they’re working together that creates something special and unique you can feel onscreen. You can’t have that kind of alchemy with someone else. And I can see that in you two.”

Her words hit me square in the face. I look at Harrison and, as though he feels me staring at him, he turns around and smiles. It’s a sad one, like he’s lost hope in something he wants. Is he the agent for our chemical reaction? Am I throwing away something unique and special I can only have once in a lifetime?

I know that when we’re together, we unlock a level of creativity we can’t achieve alone, but I always thought it was all in my head, it’s the first time I’ve been with someone so kindred to my creativity. But Ellen saw it too, and now I’m questioning my every decision.

***

“Can I give you a ride home?” Harrison’s hopeful voice startles me.

I’m waiting for Ellen to come out of the bathroom to finally go home. We called it a night a few minutes ago after spending the evening chatting, laughing, and simply enjoying the fact that this movie is basically done.

“I’m waiting for Ellen.” I smile at him but it dies on my lips when I see the hurt in his eyes.

“Can we talk, Sienna, please?” he whispers.

There are a few people on the curb next to us and I don’t want them to eavesdrop on our conversation.

“I don’t feel like talking right now, Harrison.”

The hurt in his eyes morphs into disappointment. I know he deserves an explanation, or at least a clarification, about where we’re going from here, but I know myself too. I know that I will be overwhelmed by this entire situation and say something I don’t want to and ruin everything. Words can do more damage than any physical blow.

“Will you ever give me a second chance? Or is it just one mistake and I’m out with you?” I can almost feel the pain in my own chest.

I’ve never had a man bare his feelings so openly to me. I was always the one trying to protect myself. I never found myself in the position of protecting someone’s else feelings. I’m certain that if I’m not careful with Harrison right now, I will break something in him, inus, I will never be able to fix.

“I can give you a second chance, Harrison, but not right now. I really understand why you lied to me, and I know you are not like my ex, but I’m not ready yet. While my brain trusts you right now, my heart does not. It retreated behind that wall I built years ago and it’s scared. If I give you that second chance right now, I will ruin everything. I will second-guess your every word, every gesture, poisoning a relationship that could be great. I need to convince my heart that it’s safe to come out again from behind that wall, but it’s not something you can do. It’s something thatIhave to do and I need time,” I explain, and I can see his shoulders visibly relax.

He nods, understanding. “I’m here when you’re ready. But I will fight to convince your heart that I’m worthy of trust. That I’m a person who won’t hurt it. I won’t hurt you.”

His words carry a fierce conviction that almost make me reconsider my decision. Almost. Because Harrison teaches me that there are good people in this industry, but now I have to become one of them, because my anger and my resentment made me one of the bad guys.

Harrison deserves to be with the hero, not the villain.

I sip my iced tea while I wait for Sean, my potential new agent, to show up. He’s ten minutes late. By Los Angeles standards it’s not a big deal, but I’m a bit annoyed anyway. I have more time to overthink my conversation with Sienna last night and when I overthink, there’s a potential for disaster. I’m famous for complicating easy situations.

She asked me for time to trust me again. I have every intention of giving her that, but I also have every intention of giving her a reason to do it. I don’t assume that she’ll do all the work and I’ll sit here, waiting for a solution to fall into my lap.

“Sorry, I’m late. There was an accident on my way here,” a tall bald man says, sitting in front of me.

I smile and shake his hand. “This is Los Angeles; traffic is crazy here.”That’s why we leave extra time to be on time. I encountered the same accident on my way here, but I was at this table ten minutes earlier than our appointment.

“Fortunately, you’re unemployed right now so I didn’t mess up your schedule.” He chuckles as he orders his drink to the waitress.

What the hell does that mean? I’m between jobs but that doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to do. Does he have no respect for other people’s time?

“I’m actually still involved in my current job,” I point out. Not that I have anything to do until we start promoting the movie in a few weeks, but still, my time is as valuable his.

He smirks. “Yeah, that indie movie. It’s not like the crazy schedule of a Hollywood big hit. You know? You’re more relaxed…more like hippies,” he says in a condescending tone.

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