Page 28 of Skully's Property

It’s really fucking hard to believe. And after everything I’ve put her through, I don’t deserve her love.

“She can do better. I’m just some crippled shit who can’t give her the life she deserves. Don’t need to keep playin’ house and pretend like that ain’t the truth. She needs to go live her life.”

“Do you know what Rubble would say if he were here?” Him saying our brother’s name hits me harder with guilt. “He’d be knocking your two front teeth out, telling you to quit your pity party and start living. He’d tell you to get off your stubborn ass and go chase that hot little number down before it’s too late.”

That he fucking would. Rubble thought the world of Madison. Told her she was good for me. He’d be rolling over in his grave if he saw the look I just put on her face.

“If not for us, do it for him, Skull. If you want to go to therapy, I’ll take you. If you want to look into getting prosthetics, we’ll pay any amount to get you the best damn doctor there is. All you got to do is say the word, brother. We’re all here for you. And all of us feel so damn lucky we get to see your grumpy ass every day.”

“It’s damn good to have you back, Razor.” After losing Rubble, it was hard losing him too. “And you’re right. Rubble would kick my ass. But some days, I wish I were lying right beside him, keepin’ him company.” I hate that he’s alone. “But you know why I never pull the trigger? Because I know he would kick my ass in my grave and tell me what a pussy I was for givin’ up. Don’t want to talk to no shrink. But I’m not opposed to speaking with a doc.”

I’ve been researching for weeks. It’s about time I got off my ass and finally bit the bullet.

“We’re gonna find you the best damn doctor there is and get you running marathons.”

My brow cocks up. Does he know who the fuck he’s speaking to? I ain’t a runner. Hate the fucking sport.

“You want to pull the gun and shoot me now?” I tease, and the laugh that bellows out of him is a damn good sound.

“What’s so funny?”

I turn my head to the sound of a sweet voice. His girl Kensy has joined us. She’s a good seed. Back when I’d first met the girl, I knew she was perfect for him. But his stupid ass went off and made some shit decisions and they lost eight years together. Finally, he got his shit together and went after her. And now, they’re going to be married tomorrow.

If I don’t get my act together, that could be me. I already lost a year with my girl because of my stupid fucking mistakes. Another seven would fucking kill me.

I look toward the door Maddy ran out of, wishing like hell I could go after her, but I can’t fucking drive, and I’m not pulling any of the men away from the celebration to help me clean up another fucking mess I’ve made. I’m just gonna have to wait. This is where she lives, so she’ll be back. And when she does, I’m going to be groveling for forgiveness. Apologize for everything I’ve said and done. I’m going to make sure she knows exactly how I feel. How much I fucking love that woman.

Only…she doesn’t come back. Not that night. Not the next. She doesn’t show for the wedding. Doesn’t show for work on Monday. And as every minute passes, my hell grows more excruciating.

20

Madison

“Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know, Shay.” I wipe my eyes and blow my nose. It’s raw at this point, and I’m sure I look like Rudolph. “All I know is I can’t go back there. It hurts too much.”

I’ve been fighting and fighting for him, and for us, but it’s a losing battle. He doesn’t want me. He made that very clear. I saw it in his eyes and felt it cut through my soul. There was no love there. And no matter what I do or say, I don’t think there ever will be. I lost him. The man I love died the night of the raid. He didn’t just lose his legs, he lost his heart. And I think it’s gone forever.

“But what about the job?” She sits down next to me, taking my hands in hers. She’s always been such a good friend. I’m going to miss her. “Don’t let him take that away from you too. You’re making such good money, and you love it.”

I did. But I loved Skully more. Money doesn’t make me happy. And being in that clubhouse will destroy me. The only way for me to heal is to move away.

“It’ll hurt too much, Shay. I can’t go back there.”

I know my limits, and I know the sadness will eat me alive if I go back.

“Men are such assholes. They never realize what they have until it’s gone. And then they come running.” She’s speaking from her own experience. Link almost lost her forever from what she told me. But if Skully was going to come after me, he would’ve shown up at this motel and been banging down my door by now. But he hasn’t shown. He hasn’t even called.

“I’m sorry, Maddy.” She squeezes me tighter. “He’s an idiot. And he’s going to realize it.”

The words feel like a lie, but I know she’s trying to make me feel better.

“You know.” Her cheeks lift into a weak smile. “You could always move to Alaska. I hear the ratio of men to women is like twenty to one out there. That would make your odds of finding someone really good.”

I don’t want to find someone else. I just want to figure out how to survive without my heart. Time may heal, distance may help me forget, but my heart is never going to beat for anyone else. But… Alaska is far enough away that I’ll never have to worry about running into anyone again.

21

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