Page 69 of Back in the Saddle

She cast her mind back to the day she’d heard that one sentence that showered her with unexplainable relief:You have generalised anxiety disorder.It suddenly all made sense. Her higher-than-normal stress levels over things that most people didn’t understand. The sense of impending dread, fixating on knowing that something bad was surely going to happen. Panicking when someone she cared about wouldn’t respond to her texts for hours, to the point where she wasn’t able to focus on anything else until her phone pinged with a response.

People liked to judge or misunderstand. Caroline couldn’t count the number of times she had tried to say she struggled with anxiety, and people had told her to‘just relax’or‘don’t worry so much’. Anxiety didn’t work that way. She couldn’t just flip the switch and ‘not worry’.

But Hunter wasn’t like that. Sometimes, she tried to remind herself that she hadn’t known him long. The voice of reason told her she didn’t really know him at all. Another voice, which was getting louder, insisted that it wasn’t the length of time that shaped connections. What mattered more was their depth.

She stole another glance at his profile. Then, she took a deep breath and shared more than she’d shared with anyone, except her therapist. And Finn.

‘It isn’t just a bit of nerves, it’s overwhelming. I’ve always had this … this overconsuming worry in my chest. For avery long time, I thought this was just normal for everyone. I didn’t know anything else.’ Her lip trembled. ‘When my mum died, I couldn’t cope with the anxiety and how it made me feel. That was the push I needed to seek help.’

She paused again, sensing Hunter hanging on her words. ‘My first counselling session felt like a eureka moment. I left it feeling like I could finally draw a normal breath. I went to therapy, was on medication for a while … unpacked a lot of emotional baggage and just learned to acutely cope with the symptoms.’

‘How are you doing with it now?’ His voice was kind, but she noticed his eyes grew distant, filling up with sadness.

‘Mostly fine. There are days or things that make it worse. Like public speaking.’ She tried to smile but only managed to move her lips in a weird twitch. ‘Normally, it’s low-grade and often feels like one constant that I can always count on. It might sound odd, but it often reminds me I’m alive when I need grounding.’

‘Sometimes the pain reminds us we aren’t dead yet,’ Hunter said in a low, broken whisper.

She didn’t know if he had said it to her or to himself.

There was a fleeting sadness to his features. Caroline realised he must’ve thought about his father. Without thinking, she reached out and put a hand over his on the gear stick.

He attempted a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘I’m sorry, you shared something important with me; it’s not the time or place for my fortune-cookie wisdom.’ His hand moved back onto the wheel. ‘How do you manage, with public speaking? I know you enjoy teaching – in a way that’s also public speaking, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, but it’s different.’ She fiddled with her ring finger, feeling an urge to twist her rings around – but of course, theyweren’t there. She felt around the finger, touching the smooth, worn skin surface where they used to sit. Trying not to dwell on it, she continued. ‘Students are usually eager to learn, at least some of them. It’s different when I’m speaking in front of colleagues, most of whom, if not all, are my superiors. I’m afraid of stumbling on my words or saying something stupid.’

‘Does it get any easier, the more you do it?’ he asked, hitting the left indicator and turning off the main road.

‘Sometimes it does.’ She looked out the window. ‘Where are we going?’

‘You’ll see.’

She sighed, folding her arms across her chest. She knew when the cause was lost. He wouldn’t tell her anything until they reached their destination.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Hunter

Hunter switched off the engine and the doors popped unlocked. ‘We’re here,’ he announced, a wide grin across his face.

Caroline turned to him, her eyebrows raised. ‘And here is …?’

‘Lake Lawtonka, Comanche County.’ He pointed towards the modest log cabin at the top of the gravel driveway. ‘This is where we’re staying.’

She chewed on her lower lip, but he could see a shadow of a smile. Encouraged, he jumped out of the car and strode to the passenger side. He pulled her door open and reached out a hand to her.

She chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘A gentleman, indeed. I should’ve had more faith when you told me that.’

‘A woman like you should be treated like a lady.’ He said it before he thought it through. As soon as he did, he startedberating himself in his head for how cliché it sounded; she didn’t seem to mind.

Smiling, cheeks flushed a bit, she let him take her hand and they stepped onto the driveway. ‘Wow.’

His eyes didn’t leave her face as she took in the surroundings, spinning slowly in a full circle. Her eyes paused over the top of the treeline, right in front of Mount Scott, its smooth outline striking against the orange hues of the setting sun.

‘It’s beautiful.’

‘I thought you might like it.’ He had hoped she would but wasn’t sure. She’d told him she didn’t like surprises; he loved them. ‘It’s a family cabin. My father bought it as a gift for my mother for their tenth wedding anniversary.’

‘How romantic.’

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