Page 62 of Back in the Saddle

A memory pushed underneath her eyelids. One she would do everything to forget.

‘Are you all right?’ Hunter’s voice sounded far away even though she was still right here, in his arms. He wasn’t kissing her anymore, but his hands were still on her waist.

Her knees shook, her legs almost buckled underneath her.She breathed out, trying to focus on Hunter’s voice. His face was blurry, and it seemed like the walls behind him were closing in on her. Taking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes.One … Two … Three …

Exhale. Inhale. Repeat.

You’re fine. It’s nothing, just a memory.

‘I’m sorry, I just remembered I told Amira I’d dog-sit for her tonight. Totally slipped my mind.’ She put on the most convincing smile she could muster and looked at him. ‘Rain check? Sorry.’

She bit her lip, cursing how weak this excuse sounded. Dog-sit? She wasn’t even sure if Amira had a dog. But Hunter wouldn’t know any different.

‘No need to apologise.’ He took a step back. ‘Caroline, if you aren’t ready—’

‘It’s not that.’ Her voice sounded sure even though she wasn’t. ‘I’ll text you later, OK?’ She planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

Hands shaking, she bent down and picked up her shirt. She put it back on, her back to Hunter. She didn’t think she could look at him just now.

Without a backward glance, she rushed out of the apartment. They drove here in two cars, so it would be easier for her to get back to the city. She fumbled in her bag searching for the car keys.

‘Caroline!’

Her hand stopped between her wallet and a leather-bound calendar, keys clutched in her fingers.

Hunter ran up to her, out of breath and wide eyed. His expression screamed,I don’t understand.

Neither did she. Not really.

‘What just happened?’ he asked.

Her eyes bore into her cowboy boots. Pink roses were embroidered in caramel leather, with other patterns rising up to her calves. She inhaled sharply, trying to count the number of roses on each shoe.

Counting helped her whenever she had a panic attack.

‘Hey.’ He reached for her hand, gently taking it into his. ‘Talk to me. What’s the matter?’

Tell him. He won’t judge you. If you don’t tell him he’ll think he’s done something wrong. And it’s not his fault.

Caroline raised her head, looking right into his eyes. ‘Can we go inside?’ She hugged her arms to her chest, looking around like she expected to find someone listening. ‘It’s not the parking-lot kind of conversation.’

‘Of course. Whatever you need.’

He led her back inside his house, glancing concerned looks in her direction every now and then. She felt every single one of them. They were like butter knives warmed in a bowl of hot water before they sliced right through her soul.

Hunter sat in the large leather armchair, leaving the entire sofa for her. A pang of warmth shot through her heart when she realised he was giving her as much space as she needed.

The couch sunk underneath her as Caroline settled at its very end. She laced her fingers together, looking at the floor. It was too difficult to look at Hunter.

‘I grew up Catholic. So did Finn. Some Irish Catholic families are …’ She paused, looking for a word. ‘Pretty hardcore. Not mine, but Finn’s family are very much in that category.’

Her cheeks burned and she felt ridiculous as the next part of the story rolled over her tongue. ‘He wanted to wait until we got married. With sex, I mean. I didn’t, on the contrary. But I was so in love with him that I probably would’ve agreed to anything back then.

‘Besides, even though I stopped going to church myself after my mother died, it was hard to set aside everything I was taught my whole life. That sleeping with someone outside the marital bed was a sin.’

Her eyes flicked up to check Hunter’s reaction, but he was sitting in the same position he had been in before. It didn’t seem like he had moved a single muscle. His expression was attentive, and she knew he was taking in every word.

Caroline blinked, taking in her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘Anyway, we waited. All the way until our wedding night. I was so excited, so bloody eager.’ She let out a short, bitter laugh and shook her head. ‘So stupid. Bought a special bridal set of lingerie, ordered room service to our suite and a bottle of his favourite champagne. I thought it was going to be the best night of my life.’

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