Page 112 of Back in the Saddle

Caroline didn’t know what to say and clearly Robb expected her to say something. She clutched her mobile tightly, swallowing the bitter taste of guilty tears. ‘I’ll be in Glasgow on the earliest flight I can.’

She hung up, walked back into the office in a daze and mumbled something about needing to get back home to Amira. Before she had realised how she got there, she was back in Anna and Gian’s apartment. Hands shaking, she bought the plane tickets and pulled out her suitcases from under the bed.

Somehow she managed to type out a hurried message to Hunter:I need to go back to Glasgow immediately. Finn needs me. My flight’s tomorrow. I won’t be coming back. I’m so sorry.

That was all she was able to say. Pressing the letters on her screen made everything real. If she told him more, if she explained why she had to go …

Don’t think about it. Finn’s going to be fine.

Caroline didn’t know how long she had been aimlessly wandering around the room, dumping her belongings in unorganised chaos into the open suitcase. Hours might’ve passed.

She ignored her buzzing phone, walked to the wardrobe and pulled down another handful of hangers, then threw them over the large pile of clothes on her bed.

Another buzz.

Her hands paused over a half-folded black alpaca cardigan. No, she wouldn’t look at the screen. She knew who it was. Childish as it seemed, she just couldn’t speak to him right now. Steadying herself, she returned to packing.

‘I don’t think this is a good idea …’ She heard Gian’s voice from the kitchen as loud footsteps approached her room.

The door opened, bringing in a whiff of crisp February air.

‘What the fuck, Caroline?! You won’t answer my calls or texts now? Were you really going to disappear without even a goodbye?’

She closed her eyes, not turning to face him. ‘I texted you.’

‘To say you’re flying back to Glasgow tomorrow and you won’t be back?! Fuck this.’

Hunter started pacing across the small bedroom.

Her heart ached the moment he stepped into the room. She wanted to disappear into his arms. She wanted to be held by him, to be told it was going to be OK. That Finn would be all right. That they still had the months they’d thought they would have, that they’d ride together at sunset as the warmer weather rolled in … She wanted him to know how much strength it took to make this decision. The only right one in these circumstances.

But she couldn’t show any of it. There was only one thing she could do.

She calmly put the folded pair of navy suit trousers into the suitcase. ‘Iwasplanning to say goodbye,’ she said quietly. Slowly, she turned round and looked at him.

His eyes met hers. The despair and the longing written in them made her breathless.

She coughed, pulling on the mask of indifference even tighter. ‘I just needed to finish packing first. My flight is tomorrow afternoon.’

‘I don’t understand why you’re even going.’

‘Because Finn needs me. You won’t understand it.’ She turned back to her suitcase and put another pair of trousers in.

‘Then help me understand.’ His voice trembled, some of the anger disappearing. ‘Please,’ he added, and she felt cold spread through her.

‘You want to understand? Fine!’ She threw her hands up in the air, starting to pace between the bed and the desk. ‘I married my best friend. An amazing guy. But it wasn’t the fairy tale I imagined, so I took off, fleeing to another country and leaving him in the name of what?!’

‘Happiness?’

Irritation rose in her again. ‘Happiness, really?’ She let out an exasperated growl. ‘You think I’m happy? Living in this fucked-up fantasy that has a time limit on it? Not even the best sex can make me forget that I don’t deserve any happiness. I don’t deserve anything good!’

Hunter grimaced. ‘So, suddenly you remembered your husband. Wow.’ His body shook slightly, and she saw his legs almost give way under him. He rested his back against the chest of drawers in the corner of the room. ‘I don’t even know what to say.’

‘You don’t have to say anything,’ she muttered.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him the reason. He was still reeling from his father’s death; it would stir in too much for him. And talking about it … talking about it made her think about the worst-case scenario. That Finn was going to die.

She simply couldn’t let herself imagine that.

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