Page 97 of Back in the Saddle

‘Oh, Car.’ Clara scooted over to where she was sitting and put her palms on Caroline’s knees. She looked into her eyes and said slowly, ‘No one can guarantee you the best or that it won’t hurt. What you can gain though … Totally worth it.’

‘I’m not sure that’s the truth.’ Caroline sighed and rubbed her eyes.

Looking at both of her sisters, she felt a wave of gratitude. They didn’t always get along, but they had one another’s backs. However mad they got, they’d always make up. She knew she could tell them anything, which she’d forgotten for a while. But tonight reminded her how good it felt to share her worries with them.

She hesitated, before letting the words tumble out. ‘I’ve met someone since I got here. But it’d never make sense to fool myself that anything can come out of this.’

‘Why not?’ Caitlin asked.

Caroline raised her head and looked at her sisters, brow furrowed. ‘For starters, he’s five years younger.’

Clara snorted and covered her mouth with her hand. ‘Sorry. But that’s irrelevant.’

‘OK … The fact that he runs a ranch in Oklahoma is. And he was engaged, no idea what happened there. He just won’t open up about it. I won’t even start on the fact he didn’t tell me about it himself; I found out fromhis friend. That suggests he isn’t over it yet. Now his father’s dying … I think it’s going to take years for him to get over all of this.’

‘How is that a problem?’ Clara raised an eyebrow, any shadow of amusement gone from her expression. ‘We still miss Mum and it’s been years. He’s always going to carry that with him.’

Caroline raised her hands, exasperated. ‘Did you hear what I said? He’s acowboy. Like, an actual cowboy – running a ranch, herding cattle, going to rodeos …’ She closed her eyes, trying to calm the wave of anxiety lurking in the background. ‘Besides—’ she pursed her lips in a tight line ‘—he’ll probably want children. Maybe not now, maybe not in two or three years. But eventually. I couldn’t cope with another split like that, not after Finn.’

She drew in a loud inhale. ‘Plus, what if Finn was my one true love? My soulmate? And now that it’s over, I’m destined to be alone forever?’

Caitlin scooted over closer to her now; she had one sister on her right, the other on her left. They took her hands and Caroline felt the heavy feeling building up in her chest start dissolving, slowly.

‘You know that the myth about there ever only being one person out there for us is just that – a myth, right? It’d be a very sad life if we could only get one chance at being happy.’ Caitlin squeezed her hand and put her head on Caroline’s shoulder.

‘Cait’s right. It’d be depressing if there was a limit on thelove we get.’ Clara’s mouth twitched a little in a half-smile.

‘Or maybe I should think less about Finn and Hunter and focus on what I came here for: figuring out what to do with my career.’

‘Well, yeah that’d be helpful,’ Caitlin said. ‘The career bit, no judgement otherwise.’ She let out a heavy sigh and slowly lowered herself on the floor, lying on her back. ‘I think I had too much wine,’ she moaned, closing her eyes.

Clara snorted into her cider. ‘You both did.’

As if on cue, they all burst into laughter.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Hunter

Thanksgiving, for the first time in Hunter’s life, was just a family affair. In the past, his parents would dress up one of the barns and invite what always seemed like the entirety of Purcell. Food, music and happiness shared among friends and acquaintances. However, this year, it was just them.

There was no party, no music. Even the food tasted like it was missing something, some of the usual joy. His mother tried her best to put on a smile and make the memories they all needed. But even she looked like she couldn’t shake off the veil of gut-wrenching sorrow.

Hunter’s heart ached every time he looked at her when she thought no one was there.

At the same time, no one wanted to speak about what was to come. The Jacksons thought that if they didn’t say the words ‘terminal’ or ‘cancer’ out loud, then maybe somehowAlan could cheat death a little while longer. Maybe it wouldn’t be their last Thanksgiving together. Maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe a miracle would happen.

All themaybesmade Hunter dizzy.

So, they all prayed among the congregation. Hunter noticed that his mother was never without a rosary tucked away in her pocket. She’d take it out several times a day, close her eyes and mutter prayers while her unsteady fingers moved from bead to bead. Hunter had stopped going to church shortly after turning twenty-one. He hadn’t been back, not even now. No one commented on it. They were all coping the best they could. For his family, it was church and prayer. For him, long, lonely rides on Dallas. Even the worsening weather didn’t bother him.

When he was home, he felt helpless. All the ranch employees had banded together and were really doing a fantastic job navigating the day-to-day tasks without his input. He had finally officially promoted Luke, one of the guys employed by Alan years ago, to foreman. Unofficially, Luke had been doing the job for a good few months now.

Hunter trusted Luke and he was well liked among the rest of the crew. He only deferred matters he couldn’t handle himself, like accounts or phone calls with suppliers or businesses, to Hunter. And because Alan’s condition was widely known, people tried not to bother the Jacksons if it wasn’t necessary.

He should be grateful for having time to focus on his father and his family. Instead, he felt lost and useless. He had all this time to reminisce about his childhood, how much his father had shaped him into the man he was today.

And to imagine the days in which he wouldn’t be with them.

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