Page 71 of Back in the Saddle

He pulled back. ‘Caroline? Are you all right? Did I say something wrong?’

‘N-No,’ she stammered.

Her hands were shaking. Alarmed, his first instinct was to put his arm round her and draw her close. But he stopped himself, unsure whether it would make matters worse.

‘What is it?’ he asked gently.

She shook her head, letting out a low laugh. When she spoke again, her voice dripped with bitterness. ‘Finn used to comment on my hair the same way. It’s a shampoo I use, or rather, used in the past. I haven’t washed my hair with it for almost three years. But then, what do you know, Gian bought the exact same shampoo, and I forgot.’ She laughed again, sounding even more grim. ‘I didn’t realise until you said what you did.’

‘I didn’t know. I’m sorry.’

The anger, which had been bubbling away on a steady heat in the pit of his stomach since the night she had told him about Finn, flared. She had deserved so much better.

Hunter vowed he would show her how good sex could be. How it should feel. He’d worship her body, so she’d see stars rivalling the ones adorning the sky above them. If she wanted that, of course. He really meant it when he told her they’d go only at the speed she was comfortable with.

‘Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.’ The tone of her voice changed slightly. ‘It’s just … I feel like I’m trying to run away from my real life when I’m with you. And it feels great. But it doesn’t change the reality. Legally, I’m still married.’ She took a deep breath. ‘If I believed in God, I’d think Hell was waiting for me.’

‘If they put the souls of people like you in Hell, they’d have run out of space back in BC times.’

That made her laugh. ‘You think I’m a good person. I’m really not.’

‘I think good and bad are such relative, narrow-minded terms that it’s hard to really pin either to a living and breathing human.’ The gap between his brows narrowed.

She sighed and stretched her legs in front of her.

He didn’t probe her further, thinking that she needed space to make sense of her thoughts. Instead, he added more wood to the fire and poured himself another glass of bourbon. He stole a glance at her profile; she looked so serious.

‘Do you want to tell me about him?’

‘You want me to tellyouabout Finn?’ Her question came in a high-pitched squeak, which sounded nothing like her.

He swore in his mind, already regretting those words. But there was no going back now. ‘How did you meet? I knowyou said you were children. How old were you?’ He was ashamed that there was some audible jealousy in his question. He knew he had no right to it. It made no sense. But he couldn’t help it.

‘We—’ She closed her eyes as she took in several deep breaths. When her ragged breathing slowed down, she looked at the lazily roaring fire. ‘We were eight. He was a new kid who transferred to my primary school. The teacher made him introduce himself. I remember he said he liked dragons and pirates.’ She smiled wistfully, eyes still on the dancing flames. ‘I came up to him after the class ended, saying I liked dragons and pirates too. And that we could play together sometime.’

She paused as if checking whether he wanted to say anything. But he didn’t interrupt her, so she continued. ‘We became fast friends.Best friends. When we were fifteen, I realised I liked him more. I found myself thinking about kissing him … It became like an obsession.’ She chuckled to herself, drawing her knees up to her chest. She hugged them, closely wrapping the blanket further round herself.

‘And I did kiss him, one night after he walked me home from the cinema. He didn’t say anything. I felt like an idiot. I think I stayed up all night, tossing and turning, thinking I’d ruined everything. The next day, he found me after History and gave me a shy peck on the lips. Then he said, “I like you that way, too”,She pulled up the blanket even tighter round her neck. ‘That’s it, really. We were the “golden couple”at school. Everyone thought we’d be the ones who made it forever.’

‘You never had another boyfriend?’

‘No, never. Finn was my one and only. He’s supposed to be my one true love, my soulmate.’ She gritted her teeth, tears welling up in her eyes.

Hunter felt an urge to touch her, to comfort her somehow – but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. It sounded like she needed to say all this. He knew far too well how therapeutic speaking out loud about one’s feelings was.

‘He planned a surprise trip to Slovenia after my med school graduation and proposed when we were there.’ She rubbed her temples. ‘We got married. And you know what happened after that.’

She poured herself more bourbon and downed the glass in one gulp.

He watched her cautiously, afraid to say or do something wrong. Then, he relaxed a bit as he saw a small smile on her lips again.

‘How about you? Any serious relationships?’ she asked, slowly lowering herself on the blanket. She lay down, staring at the stars.

Hunter followed suit. They were so close their arms were touching.

‘No, only fleeting romances.’ He grinned. ‘I don’t like the idea of settling down or being tied up. I like to spend time having fun.’

‘Then our arrangement seems to be right up your street.’

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