Page 117 of Back in the Saddle

Caroline

Caroline had lost track of the number of times she’d questioned her decision to leave Oklahoma. It clung to her like an octopus as she walked through the airport, as she went through security, as she looked over the Atlantic through the small window, as she disembarked for her layover in Amsterdam, and as she took the taxi ride from Glasgow Airport to the hospital.

It still lingered, although in the background, as she briskly walked through the familiar entrance.

She had made her choice, and she knew she’d have to just live with it. At first, she told herself she had no choice. But that was bullshit. She’d read once that people always had a choice, even if that choice was limited.

Was there really any question she’d go? Of course there wasn’t.

Finn had a mass on his brain. Very likely a brain tumour. Probably cancer.

There was no world in which she wouldn’t have come. Whatever happened, he was Finn. She had loved him for more than half her life.

Caroline stopped before walking through the door to the neurology ward. It felt strange being back here. When she was in Oklahoma, time had passed differently. Some days, being a doctor was like a distant memory. Others, she’d missed it like it was the air she breathed.

It was always easy to forget about it all with Hunter.

The mere thought of him made her ache with regret.

Tears of sorrow streaked her cheeks, and she tried to stop the flow with her hand.

In an act of desperation, Caroline had asked if they could delete each other’s numbers before she left.I can’t do it otherwise. I’m not strong enough, she’d told him. Hunter hadn’t seemed thrilled by this idea, but they did it. Together. That moment was, in a way, like‘The End’to their story. Beautifully unfinished. Maybe this was all they were ever meant to be.

She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her blouse. She wasn’t sure who they were for. Finn? Hunter? Probably a little bit for them both. Worried for Finn, regretful for Hunter.

Selfishly heartbroken for herself.

Then, she took in a deep breath and pressed the button to open the ward door.

One of the nurses led her to Finn’s room. With every step closer, her heart thundered. There were too many possibilities of what she could expect. She knew too much. The curse of knowing the likely ending to a life story married to a diagnosis.

But even though she had all that knowledge, all those years of training, when she saw Finn lying in the hospital bed, her heart dropped to the floor.

He was awake, propped up in a half-seated position. His face was turned to the window.

She saw his reflection in it; he saw hers. Caroline noticed the exact moment his eyes flickered with shock.

‘Hi,’ she croaked, cautiously approaching the bed.

Finn was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. But aside from that, and the medical equipment surrounding him, he hadn’t changed. He hadn’t visibly lost weight, an observation that gave Caroline a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe it wasn’t cancer.

‘Car. What— How … I don’t understand.’

She smiled through tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. ‘Robb called me. Did you really think you could collapse and I wouldn’t find out?’

‘It’s nothing. I’m fine.’

Caroline pulled up a chair. ‘Finn. Why didn’t you call me?’

He avoided her eyes, feigning interest in a cannula attached to the top of his hand. ‘We’re getting a divorce.’

‘And you think that means I automatically stopped caring?’ Her voice trembled. ‘If it was me, would you have dropped everything and come?’

Finn looked up, meeting her glare. ‘In a heartbeat.’

She let out a shuddering breath, reaching out for his hand. ‘Our marriage is over. But you’re still you and I’m still me. I love you.’

His lip quivered as he swallowed. ‘I ruined your research exchange. You really didn’t have to come. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.’ He squeezed her hands.

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