Page 113 of Back in the Saddle

Hunter laughed. It wasn’t the usual bright, warm laugh. It didn’t sound like anything she’d heard from him before. It sounded low and dark.

‘And you think I’m going to believe that after everything,everythingthat’s happened between us, you’re really going to go back to him? Is a transatlantic flight all it takes to forget this?’ He crossed the room in three long steps, pulling her in a rough kiss.

Despite herself, her body responded eagerly. A moan of pleasure escaped her mouth as Hunter deepened the kiss. Her mind went blank, and she didn’t want to think. It took all her willpower to pull away from him.

Caroline crossed her arms over her chest, taking in a few steadying breaths. ‘It’s not about forgetting you. It’s aboutremembering that as nice as it was while it lasted between us, we both knew it was just temporary. True, we thought there was more time. But maybe it’s better this way.’

‘Oh, it’s certainly not better this way,’ he bit off. He was so close she could feel his chest rising and falling as he breathed. ‘And speak for yourself regarding temporary. I know that’s what we said at the very beginning, but it went much further than that.’

‘Did it?’ she asked, the strain it took to keep her face impassive unbearable.

Hunter let out an impatient groan. He tugged at his hair, then his hands went down to his face and covered his eyes for a moment. When he pulled them away, he looked a bit taller. Like he wouldn’t back away from whatever he decided.

‘I wasn’t going to say it now. I wanted to wait for the right moment. Hell, the fact that I will probably makes me the most selfish bastard in a twenty-block radius. If you’re leaving anyway, I might as well say it now. It probably won’t matter to you. It won’t make you change your mind. But it’ll give me peace. And I think I deserve at least that.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I love you, Caroline.’

Caroline froze. She felt like someone had stolen her voice. The room spun in front of her eyes. No, it wasn’t spinning.It’s just your anxiety. The room’s solid. You’re solid. You’re fine.

This was unexpected and not at all how she’d planned. It took her a long moment to gather her thoughts. Then, she felt anger rise in her.

How could he?Whatever his feelings, now was really not the time for this. Plus, how could heloveher, really?

‘Why?’

Hunter blinked, staring at her in disbelief. When she didn’tsay anything, didn’t even move a muscle, he said, ‘Why? Because you drive me fucking crazy and yet I still want to spend every waking moment with you.That’s why.’ He took a step back, sadness extinguishing the last of the fury in his eyes. He watched her in anticipation, his eyes willing her to say something.

‘Oh, this is just brilliant.’ She laughed grimly, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘You think that you can tell me that you love me and that’ll, what, make me stay?’

‘Why wouldn’t it?’ He took another step towards her and tried to take her hand, but she shook him off.

‘Love isn’t simple, and it isn’t enough to make things work. And even if I played along with it, how do you exactly imagine us ever working out?’ She crossed her arms tighter, daring him to say something that wouldn’t just add fuel to her fire.

‘You could move here. Doctors can work anywhere in the world, right? You like the area, Anna and Gian are here—’

Caroline scoffed, closing her eyes. ‘Why am I not surprised that all of this hinges on me giving up my own life to fit around yours?’

‘How can you say that after the past months?!’ His voice was raised now as well, and he went back to nervous pacing. ‘I told you that I love you and you’re getting hung up on the details.’

‘You think these are details? My career, my life? That’sjust details?!’ She didn’t mean to shout but maybe if she said it loudly enough, it’d ring truer. ‘I can’t move here and be a doctor, just like that. Even if I managed to, it’d certainly not be oncology. And that’s what I want to do,’ she said quietly. ‘The confession might be huge for you. But it’s just words to me.’ She looked at him, her eyes full of resolve.

It was never meant to end like this but was there even away to make it hurt less? Looking into Hunter’s grey eyes, she knew there wasn’t. And it was all her fault.

There was only one thing she could do. She took a deep breath and forced herself not to look away.

‘I should’ve known better. If I’d known you were going to end up falling in love with me, I never would have started it.’

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Hunter

Hunter slammed his front door with such force that he was surprised it didn’t fall off the hinges. After he stormed out of Anna and Gian’s apartment, he managed to calm himself a bit in his F-150 before he started driving. Now that he was home, he ripped off the mask of pretence.

He shuddered, an unbearable sensation of hot and cold overtaking him. He walked to the kitchen counter and felt a strong urge to swipe his hand through the surface, taking off everything in his way – from the utensils to the block of knives, coffee machine, kettle, stack of stoneware mugs …

Everyone I love leaves.

He flexed his fingers and looked down at his hands. They instantly stopped shaking. He inhaled again. Without switching the light on, he slumped into the armchair.

Why did he tell her that he loved her? How could he go from not being able to even think about what he felt to saying those three words, eight letters that he naively thought would make her stay?

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