Page 11 of Back in the Saddle

‘Exactly.’ She wasn’t sure why she was telling Gian that. Maybe muffins were the way to her locked-up anxious soul. Even if it was only a tiny peek into its shadows.

Gian put her keys in her pocket and sat back on the bar stool. She gave Caroline an encouraging smile. ‘I can stay another few minutes if you want to tell me more about it. Only if you want to.’

Caroline winced. She didn’t know if she was ready to talk about it with anyone. She loved Gian, even though she didn’t know her that well yet, but she didn’t think she’d understand. It wasn’t Gian’s fault; it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Previous attempts at explaining her doubts about her career had left her feeling ungrateful.But you’re a doctor. You studied for all those years. You help people.

She craved turning time back to the first day of medical school so that she could steal her own enthusiasm and rose-tinted glasses, and sneak them through time into the present. Saving lives and helping people every day were the reasons she applied to study medicine. Eleven years later, she had completed six years of medical school, two years of foundation training and three years of the acute care common stem training pathway. She had been working as a doctor for five years now. Just when she had got onto a higher speciality training and was a mere three years away from becoming an emergency medicine consultant, she stumbled.

One Saturday afternoon before she was meant to go on a night shift, she’d woken up and couldn’t get out of bed. There wasn’t any single thing she could pinpoint. She supposed she just felt burnt out. If there was even a slight chance she wouldcome back to speciality training, to being a practising doctor, she needed a break.

Caroline didn’t know if she had it in her. She needed to know if she missed it when she was in Oklahoma, unable to treat patients under the conditions of her one-year visa and the lack of US medical licence.

Gian’s phone rang but she declined the call without checking who it was. She looked at Caroline with a mix of sadness and empathy. ‘I’m glad that you were able to take some time off from the training and explore what comes next.’

Caroline rubbed her temple and took a deep breath. ‘Truthfully? It saved my sanity.’

‘That’s good. And you don’t have to decide anything right away. Whether you want to quit altogether or just get away from emergency medicine and do something else … I hope that these few months working in clinical trials and taking time for yourself will help you make up your mind.’ She got up and enveloped Caroline in a long hug.

Caroline felt close to tears. She hadn’t been hugged like this in a very long time. Without the weight of broken promises and awkwardness, driven simply by the kindness and feeling.

‘Thank you. I really needed that,’ Caroline uttered into Gian’s black hair before she let her go.

‘You know you can always talk to me, right?’

She swallowed her tangled feelings with a sniff. ‘I do. Have a great day! I’d better get going too or else I’ll be late.’

CHAPTER FIVE

Hunter

Hunter’s day started early, but this was the norm on the ranch. The roof of the western barn had suffered some damage during the most recent storm, and it had to be repaired as soon as possible. Anything that was salvageable from its stores would have to be moved elsewhere for the time being. This was normally something the ranch hands did, but Duke and Luke had taken the morning off so they could go to some gig in Tulsa the night before. Plus, he tried to run the ranch the hands-on way he’d seen his father do his entire life.

Halfway through his morning, his brother, Buck, popped in to say hi. He was a truck driver and spent a month at a time on the road, followed by two weeks home in Tulsa. Buck helped to move the last of the stores into another outbuilding, then suggested grabbing some coffee and now, almost an hour later, they were sitting in a small, cosy café in Purcell.

‘This is very … hipster. Is that the word I’m looking for?’Buck put his white mug on the table. He leaned back in a high leather armchair and looked around with curiosity. The café was small, with only seven haphazardly arranged tables and mismatched colourful chairs. The walls were a mix of exposed red brick and dark wood panelling, complementing the wooden floor. Soft music played in the background, adding to the overall picture of serenity.

Hunter let out a short laugh and took a long sip of his coffee. ‘If you say so. I like coming here. They have great coffee. And it’s the only place where the cakes could rival Mom’s.’

‘Better not tell her that. So, you come here often?’ Buck slowly turned his head and looked suggestively at a young woman behind the counter.

Hunter glared at his brother. ‘It’s just coffee, Buck. Michelle is very friendly. She’s the owner’s granddaughter. Though I’d probably say she’s closer in age to Meg than to me.’

‘So? You’re only twenty-six. There are tons of guys dating younger women.’

‘Like you did?’ Hunter asked.

Buck’s wife, Lorna, was eight years younger. They met, fell in love, got married and had two beautiful children. They rarely fought and seemed to agree on most things.

Buck grinned in response and drank some coffee. ‘Yes, like I did. Although, without my good looks, you might have less luck getting a younger gal to fall for you.’

‘You mean your bald head and big forehead? I’m doing just fine with my own, thanks!’

Buck moved closer to him and hit him on the knee.

Hunter instinctively pushed further into his chair.

‘Careful, Hunt, you should show some respect to your elders. Anyway, dating is what I wanted to talk to you about.’

Hunter groaned. ‘Ugh, not again. Don’t tell me – Mom called you?’

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