Page 107 of Back in the Saddle

‘I know.’ He pulled her towards him and tangled his legs through hers under the duvet. ‘And I really appreciate it. Even after how I behaved after the funeral,’ he said, placing a hand that felt way too heavy on her waist.

‘I told you it’s forgiven.’

‘I still shouldn’t have said what I said.’

‘You’ve apologised more than enough times. It was an impossible day.’

‘It was. But you being here for me made everything a bit better. I know I haven’t talked about how I feel. I can’t. It makes all the difference though, knowing I could if I wanted to.’ He swallowed. ‘You have no idea how grateful I am that you’re here right now, Caroline.’

Their eyes met and for a moment, time froze.

She knew that the longer they carried on, the more it was going to hurt when she left. But with Hunter, she knew they didn’t have to fix each other. They didn’t have to stay forever; they just had to be right there. Together in a blissful undefined construct of their messed-up feelings.

Of course, she’d never admit any of this to anyone. Not even to him.

‘It’s 11:59!’ she shrieked, looking at her phone. ‘Quick, get the champagne!’

He did, bending down to reach for two flutes – they had both agreed a midnight toast did call for flutes. He handed her one, raising his. ‘Make a wish.’

‘You make one, too.’

‘Mine would never come true,’ he whispered.

Neither would mine.The bitter thought flooded her mind. She’d never admit any items from her wish list out loud, but they were etched deep in her soul. Getting onto oncology training programme in Aberdeenshire was number one. Befriending someone with a cute dog she could borrow for hikes on her days off was on the list too, as she knew the amount of time she’d be spending in the hospital wouldn’t be fair on a pet and so couldn’t have her own. Smaller items – travel bucket list and such followed, but there was one thingshe was too scared to wish for. An impossible unicorn of a dream she hadn’t even known was in there.

She wanted Hunter. Not just until July – she wanted him throughout the next autumn, and winter, and likely all the other seasons to come.

That was never going to happen. He wouldn’t leave his family. Especially not now. She understood it, of course. Her heart’s desire was just pathetically tragic in its out-of-reach simplicity.

She took a deep breath, looking at the seconds ticking away on her smartwatch.

‘Five … Four … Three … Two …’

Before she could finish the countdown, he leaned towards her, his mouth so close to hers she could taste it, and murmured, ‘One. Happy New Year, Caroline.’

And then he kissed her, taking her breath away.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Hunter

Hunter woke up early when it was still dark outside. Groggily, he reached towards the nightstand and grabbed his phone. Only 5.03 a.m. He yawned, throwing himself back against the pillows. It was a Sunday, early February. A slow day at the ranch. Going back to sleep would be the logical thing to do.

Trying to keep his eyes shut, he turned to his left side and pulled the pillow to his face. It smelled like her. The mix of the coconut leave-in conditioner and lavender pillow mist.

He knew this realisation shouldn’t have surprised him. Over the past month, she had spent a lot of time right here, in his bed. He didn’t have to dream to still see her green eyes, her lips wide open and the blush on her cheeks. He didn’t have to fall asleep to hear the sounds she made, and he didn’t have to imagine how it made him feel. His imagination never measured up to the real thing anyway.

And the real thing was epic.

Every. Single. Time.

Since New Year’s Eve, Hunter had existed in a suspended state of grief mixed with denial. His days were filled with his family, trying like hell not to fall apart whenever he thought about his father, and keeping up pretences of normality with the ranch hands and Mitch. The world kept turning, even though his father was no longer there. So, every morning he got up. Went to work on the ranch. Rode horses. He had even restarted riding lessons for new sign-ups, and had found that he actually enjoyed it more than he remembered. He made a point of staying over for dinner almost every night, so that his mother felt a bit less alone. It was hard to tell whether it was helping. But he still did it.

And then there was Caroline. Even just the thought of trying to figure out his feelings for her was too much.

Resigned that he wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep, Hunter got out of bed. He put on a fresh pair of socks, pulled up his old, dark Levis and paused. Feeling an inexplicable pull towards the wooden nightstand, he sat back on the bed and slowly opened its single drawer. After hesitating for a couple of minutes, he gently lifted an ornate rectangular box and let his fingers clasp over its lid.

It was finally time to say a proper goodbye to Tamara.

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