Page 68 of A Very Happy Easter

I began to get a bad feeling about this. “Why? How big are the boxes?”

He held his hands two feet apart. “Around yea big. But there are five hundred of them on the lorry.”

“Uh, what?”

He checked his clipboard. “Five hundred outers of Crabtree Deluxe Easter Eggs.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Five hundred outers? What’s an outer?”

“A box of twelve.”

“No, no, there’s been a mistake. It’s five hundred eggs, not five hundred boxes of eggs.”

“That’s not what the delivery note says.”

“Then the delivery note is wrong.”

“Fourteen pallets, they gave me. If you don’t want the pallets themselves, I can take them back with me.”

“Could you just stay right here for a minute? I need to make a phone call.”

“I ain’t got all day.”

“One minute. Please?”

I stepped back and dialled Polly. Voicemail. Fuck.

“Hey, sweetie. The Easter eggs have arrived, which I appreciate so much, I really do, but there’s been a little mistake with the quantity. They’ve brought a whole truck full. Could you call me? I’ll just take a few boxes and send the rest back.”

The truck driver was shaking his head. “Can’t take anything back. I brought them down from the West Midlands, and I need to pick up another load in Surrey before I go back.”

Beside me, Salma was snickering.

“It’s not funny,” I told her.

“Oh, it is.”

Then I noticed Max’s shoulders shaking too.

“Don’t you start,” I snapped. “I hope you and every single one of your colleagues like chocolate.”

What the hell was I supposed to do with six thousand Easter eggs? The driver moved the first pallet onto the tail lift, and I groaned out loud. I’d died and gone to hell, hadn’t I? The fire last night, the devil on the moped, eternal damnation…

I took a picture of the pallets stacking up on my driveway and sent it to Heath.

Me

Just when I thought life couldn’t get any worse…

Heath

???

Me

Easter eggs.

Heath

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